Kickball in the City

Never Forget

2007-09-11T10:51:00.000-04:00

It's been a couple of months since my last post and I am now back to regular posting. I never want to let a September 11th pass without remembering what this day means. We were attacked because we support freedom. Freedom for people to drink beer, argue about stupid things like kickball, and freedom in a much more serious sense. For those of you who have forgotten about what happened six years ago think about it today. It's important to never forget.

I thank everyone who allows me to have the freedom to blog about kickball by virtue of serving the country. And I weill never forget.

False advertising or Wishes that will never come true?

2007-07-18T16:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I came across an interesting ad on Craig's List for one of the teams in the Kash guys' league looking for players. You can check it out here. I thin it's one of the best ads I've seen for a team in any league. I like the graphic, team name, and general vibe the team gives off. However, some of the claims in the ad don't, shall we say, exactly match up with reality.

First, there is no way one could ever claim that $60 is the total cost for anything in the Kash guys' league. It's more like the entry fee. Most divisions have to charge for parties, even for players, due to the paltry sum given to them while "WAKA Central" people invest the 80 percent they keep in lawsuits with other leagues or against their own brethren. Usually the only way this is a total price is if divisions have an hour or two of free beer or their parties on a Tuesday night. Again, I fault nothing to the volunteers who put this together, it's all about the Kash guys. However, the ad should state that it's the starting fee, not the total price. The total is more likely to be $70-100 for the whole season.

B: The ad states that the cost includes:

"an awesome WAKA shirt, several season parties, crazy fun times, new friends, and all of the logistics for the games are covered!"

I've already covered the parties. Crazy fun times and new friends are always up to each person's willingness to drunkenly talk to people. But all of the logistics for the games are covered? Ummmm. Many of us who have spent hours of our own time squatting for fields would object to that. I think it's accurate to say:

"you will have a general area with alleged permits that we never actually have or see where you need to show up 2-3 hours in advance to sit on to keep softballers and other leagues away (unless they have permits in which case you have to move)"

But then, that probably wouldn't entice as many people to join the team...

I thought we had permits, how much more time before games?

Finally, this bit about an "awesome WAKA shirt". I'm not going to nitpick, if they like the shirts and think they are awesome, that's fine. My issue is with guaranteeing you'll get one. Apparently several divisions across the country did not this season, as this email I received states:

Hello CA Gold Rush players,

You may be aware that some WAKA division t-shirts were not issued in a timely manner to a portion of the players this spring. WAKA takes this matter very seriously and would like to offer our sincerest apologies to the players affected. The primary factors causing the delay of shirts included vendor management, shipping, and software issues. While these are all fundamental components of any companies business and should not cause large customer or service disruptions, WAKA unfortunately experienced all of these issues at the same time. WAKA accepts full responsibility for failing to provide all of our players with the best experience possible. We are working to rectify the situation as well as compensate those players affected, and will continue to do our best to eliminate similar problems in the future.

If you were affected by these issues, you will hear from your Division Representative regarding this matter in the near future. Thank you for joining us this past spring, and we look forward to seeing you on the fields this fall.

Happy Kicking,
WAKA Customer Service

Dude where's our shirts?

The text color was changed by the Kash guys' "customer service" department - whatever the Hell that is - to fit all of the occasions where this is needed. My list includes: CA Gold Rush, DC Independence, and DC Gold. Sideshow Bob found one for Kansas City too. I have to laugh because I'm not sure what software issues could have caused this. Nor do I get how a multi million dollar, 20,000 member (as they claim) company that has been in business for 10 years could have this so poorly managed.

Why is there not an emergency stash of generic Playkickball.com shirts warehoused at Kash Guys Central that they can ship out when these things occur? I realize that the $10,000 (latest demand confirmed by a few bar owners) the Kash guys get from bars to have the bar name on the back entitles the bar owners that this happens, but what about the customers? How about giving a portion back to the bar and saying "Yeah, we screwed up so here's is $5,000 back we had to get our kids the shirts and shipped these ones out due to a fubar situation"? The $5,000 would still more than cover the shirt costs. Oh yeah, that's right the Kash guys never give up the dough. My bad.

And this is certainly not the first time shirts from the Kash guys have been late for divisions. I recall seeing a division last season giving out shirts during its playoffs. I have experienced times when running registration where shirts have come in after the first week or two due to the crappiness of the rep, supplier, or who knows why. In other words I highly doubt that their will be any real compensation for "those players affected". Thus, the ad shouldn't guarantee anything like that, it'll just make them look bad if the Kash guys continue down their path of "we get richer, you get worse and worse service".

AKA Lost Sage, "WAKA RULES!"

On this note I have to add one other. There is a Kool-Aid Drinker Extraordinaire for the Kash guys on wakakickball365 who calls himself the Lost Sage on the boards. He attempted his, I guess, PR piece for the Kashers on the board by posting this under the heading WAKA Acknowledges Spring '07 Shirt Processing Delays:

"Hello (Division Name) players,

You may be aware that some WAKA division t-shirts were not issued in a timely manner to a portion of the players this spring. WAKA takes this matter very seriously and would like to offer our sincerest apologies to the players affected. The primary factors causing the delay of shirts included vendor management, shipping, and software issues. While these are allfundamental components of any companies business and should not cause large customer or service disruptions, WAKA unfortunately experienced all of these issues at the same time. WAKA accepts full responsibility for failing to provide all of our players with the best experience possible. We are working toaffected, and will continue to do our best to eliminate similar problems in the future.

If you were affected by these issues, you will hear from your Division Representative regarding this matter in the near future. Thank you for joining us this past spring, and we look forward to seeing you on the fields this fall."

You may not notice the difference between this alleged reprint of the email and mine, scroll up though - an important piece has been left out of this one. Go ahead, I'll wait. Can't see it, okay, here it is:

Actual email: We are working to rectify the situation as well as compensate those players affected, and will continue to do our best to eliminate similar problems in the future.

Sanatizied version: We are working toaffected, and will continue to do our best to eliminate similar problems in the future.

Seems like the least believable piece of the email, that players will actually see some compensation from the Kashers, is oddly and quite mysteriously missing from Lost Sage's example. Wonder why that would be? I'm sure it was simply a slip of the control C and control V keys and not any attempt to leave out what is clearly just a throw in line by the Kashers. I mean, wouldn't people start asking what kind of compensation or when they could expect to see it? Of course then Mr. Kashers Kool-Aid might have to face the questions and contact Kash Guy Central, which I'm sure they'd be quick to respond to. Anyway, I found that interesting to say the least.

That's the last time I respond to a Craig's List ad

Back to the point though, I am not bashing the people who put the ad up, as I stated I like it, they just need to be a bit more careful with exactly what they promise. After all, sitting out on the Mall at 4 o'clock for a 6:30 or so game with no shirt and deciding whether or not to go to a $15-for-3-hours-of-beer party at the end of August after all those promises might piss somebody off.

Some people may call it puppy love

2007-07-02T17:25:00.000-04:00

Occasionally I get emails and comments that accuse me or Sideshow Bob of being a variety of different people. Sometimes we're people who actually don't play kickball at all, other times I am the guy who runs the Little Rock Arkansas kickball league, but most of the time people think I run NAKID. This comment regarding my last post sums that up:

Wow I even play for NAKID and I find it hilariously ironic that this blog typifys evrything that is wrong with kickball in DC(spinning insignificant details and stories into huge political issues). I am left wondering about this authors connection to NAKID because flaws can be found in ALL of the area kickball leaugues (to which we never hear about any from the later mentioned league). And yes I do realize this is a blog and you are not required to be unbaised. -Matt (sic)

I fully admit to having puppy love and a crush on NAKID. I know it's partially because it's one of the newest leagues in the area and thus small and subject to fewer problems than the Kash guys' and DC Kickball. It's also because the people I have spoken to in all leagues agree that you get your money's worth the most in NAKID. But mostly it's because while I have problems with it, at least for now, it's still my favorite. I had planned to so a sort of "season in review" for my experiences in it and this is as good a time as any.

First, the things I have problems with:

1) While I enjoy that the parties for the division you play in are free, I don't appreciate that the first two had virtually no air conditioning. While I understand that this is not the fault of the people in charge and more of the bar, it still should have been checked out in person before we were assured it would be working for the second party. All I can say is it better be working Saturday.

2) I really still get a bit annoyed at the people who share my puppy love crush on NAKID always feeling the need to defend it when others say or post anything elsewhere about the league. My feeling is that if you are secure in the greatness of the league you don't have to respond to everything.

3) The registration process is still in the dregs as I have written about before. Many people still tend to show up more than once, using the payment system is difficult for some of us, and it really needs to be streamlines. It's been a year and a half already.

4) Having the people (or person?) who run it around at everything is good and bad. The bad is that there is a tendency, in my opinion, for people to be more guarded at events or the bar then they would normally be. It also can lead to more run-ins with the people in charge than the other leagues have - that's not necessarily a good thing.

5) Teams have been been banned or disbanded from the league which is not always so good. For a new league you would think they'd want as many teams and as much good word of mouth as possible. Certainly some of the handling of teams/players will not lead to that.

6) Growing too fast? It's possible because while I understand the desire to want new teams and how difficult it may be to turn down new teams, quality control is what would continue to set NAKID apart from other leagues. As the league has grown it has seen a few chinks in the armor as stated above, as the league grows larger those need to be dealt with.

And to the good:

1) I do love getting a returning player discount and a discount for playing on more than one night. I like that the parties are free for the division you play in.

2) No forfeits, open rosters. I LOVE this rule as many times my team has been short players and instead of wasting the whole day we get to play. Sure we lost most of the time because of being down runs but at least the game counted.

3) Social activities, $1 hats, and ridiculously large trophies. At least for now, makes it seem like most of the money goes back into the league.

4) Getting the second sponsor bar to be right next to the current one is awesome! Twice as many people to try to get with it.

I assume as in any relationship, kickball or otherwise, the bloom will recede from the rose as time passes. For now though it is my favorite league and I will probably continue in posts to be biased toward it. As many people tend to be with the one they are infatuated with, despite the flaws, I am very happy with it.

As to the comment above questioning my "connection to NAKID", that's fine people can think whatever they want. It doesn't change the fact that when I or Sideshow Bob post something about the different kickball leagues here most of the attacks on what we write are not on the merits or truth of what we wrote, but an attempt to poison the well against us. So"Matt" question me if you will, but continue to not even comment regarding my post. And to this guy on wakakickball365.com it's fine for you to continue to think I am on NAKID's payroll, but it doesn't change the facts written in my last post.

In short, I admit to loving one league more than others and I'm okay with that coming across in my posts. As things come up in all my leagues I will continue to point that out here in an effort to make these leagues fix their problems. I'm sorry if that "typifies everything that is wrong with kickball in DC" - to me it's wanting to make something you care about better.

Sometimes cheaters DO prosper

2007-06-27T23:40:00.000-04:00

Lots of the posts I write here engender the response that I am taking things too seriously and need to chill out. My favorite is that people use the tired cliche that "It's just kickball" to defend all sorts of different behavior; from treating your customers like crap to cheating in a kickball game. Another example of what I am sure will lead to these comments took place a few weeks ago in the Kash guys' DC Star division.

The Kash guys' rules are clear on what happens when a team does not have enough players at game time - that team has to forfeit. Further there are two separate instances in their rule book governing player eligibility:

4. PLAYER ELIGIBILITY
4.01 All participants must meet the following requirements:
a. must be 21 years of age or older by the date of the first game;
b. must be adequately and currently health insured against any injury that may arise from kickball play;
c. must be properly registered with WAKA including but not limited to full completion of the registration process,

Rule 7.05 A team playing a non-registered person, an improperly registered person, or a person not registered on that team, division, and season, will forfeit that game (see Rule 4.01c). This team will also lose the right to play in any division tournament or World Kickball Championship

(italics added by me as these are the important parts)

This takes us to the DC Star story. In the first round of the playoffs a couple of Sundays ago the teams took to the fields for their runs to glory. Unfortunately two new teams to the division, Your Mom and Playing the Field, did not have enough players show up and as per the rules were told that they had to forfeit. They did, understanding the rules and that they were being enforced. While I'm sure that sucked for them, especially being new teams, there was really nothing they could do - or was there?

It seems that in DC Star there are 2 sets of rules - one for the new teams and quite another for returners. The reason this is evident is because another team in the division, Team Keg, who has been with Star for a number of years now was allowed to play in the playoffs - with unregistered players. A member of Star found out about this and brought to the attention of the head referee and (in some way) the division president and nothing was done about it. The team was allowed to play and won its first game. They lost their second round match. Meanwhile teams full of players who actually paid money to play in the division and obeyed the rules couldn't play.

Where's the other set?

Team Keg must be very proud of itself for being a bunch of cheating assholes. For bringing in players that did not pay money, go through a whole season, and get treated like crap from Kelly's to win a stupid kickball playoff game. It must have been really important to the division president to have a returning team be allowed to play, since she was willing to break the rules for Team Keg and not the other two. And you don't have to take my word for it because in their recap of the game Team Keg boasted about being cheaters:

2) We were the first ever team in kickball history to employ two dead-on ringers that weren't registered…and STILL lose the game.

As you can see they clearly have no shame, and they really should. Actually the president, head ref, and whomever else knew about this should be even more ashamed. I can't comprehend how this would be seen as okay and if I was a member of the teams forced to forfeit and the team that lost to the cheaters I would be furious! They paid money and played by the rules and for that they were treated like crap while cheaters got to play on and brag about cheating.

Team Keg's new logo?

This is all bad enough and pretty pathetic (I mean these are kickball playoffs) - but there's more. Apparently the Kash guys' representative for DC Star plays in the division - and he hasn't taken any action on this either. I have, on many occasions, written about the uselessness of these reps but this is a new low. It is unconscionable that someone who is paid to make sure that the division is run properly by volunteers and that the rules are followed would allow this. Yet this guy is in a bunch of pictures every week goofing around and having fun. That plus his regular load of 8 real hours of work a week certainly makes that $60 worth the price to play, right?

This stuff pisses me off so much because the kickball dorks who read this blog, volunteer for boards, read wakakickball365.com, and the like are usually the ones who suffer because of these rule breakers. Why didn't anyone listen to the person telling them that a team was cheating? What's more telling is that DC Star routinely has posts on it's message board that talk ad nauseum about a fair v foul ball or something equally mind numbing about the rules. Yet there has been zero, zip, nada on their board about the cheating by this team and what the penalty should be. Not even by the biggest big mouths in the division.

DC Star's slogan for new teams not in the clique

Hey Stars, while you are so delusional about how you are "the best around" you may want to try applying the rules to all of the teams in your division - not just the ones you like. This isn't "just kickball", it's just unfair.

Sideshow Bob's awesome crystal ball and mysteriously coincidental disappearing posts

2007-06-23T23:07:00.001-04:00

Curiously, since my post one of the links I provided has disappeared from DC Kickball's website. Luckily Sideshow Bob had the foresight to think this may happen and cut and pasted the exchange and has emailed it to me. I thought that this magical coincidence would not occur. Thanks to Sideshow for being so insigthful!

Ahh Sideshow, thanks to you for having OCD

I am sure most of you can understand why this was removed from the site:

NAKID Corrections posted by crabasa on June 18th

Some of you might have noticed (or been told about) some odd statements published in a newsletter by a kickball league called NAKID that was sent out this past week. It was primarily directed at the players in the District (Thursday) and Constitution (Sundays) divisions that call Hamilton ’s their home before and after games. Here are some excerpts:
"After looking around there was only one place that made sense to us – Hamilton ’s Bar & Grill, the place right next door. Unfortunately, they currently host two lesser kickball entities.

However, after speaking with the owner of Hamilton ’s and many members of its staff seeing our weekly turnout, they decided that HAMILTON’S will be our second sponsor bar in the fall!

So this week if you see any members from other leagues at Hamilton’s let them know that if they want to keep going there in the fall, they need to get NAKID!"

Anyway, I am forced to make the following corrections:
Hamilton ’s was told that NAKID just needed some extra space (ie: the downstairs) for a handful of teams
Hamilton ’s will remain DCKickball’s sponsor bar for Thursday and Sunday kickball
Both the District Division and the Constitution Division will have exclusive use of the upstairs Thanks,Carter RabasaCommish, DCKickball
Filed in Blog

7 Responses to “NAKID Corrections”
Kristin Says: June 19th, 2007 at 12:08 PM
You might want to double-check your sources on this one… Hamilton ’s is ONLY hosting NAKID for next fall’s season.

Carter Says: June 19th, 2007 at 02:05 PM
My “source” is very simple: Scott Hamilton. As in, the owner and namesake of the bar. Who’s your source?

NAKID Says: June 19th, 2007 at 03:03 PM
Can’t we all just get along!

Kristin Says: June 19th, 2007 at 03:14 PM
Well then Scott is giving us both the runaround…he said we have it next season. I think we both need to verify what’s going on in the fall…

J Says: June 19th, 2007 at 05:54 PM
Is the nakid league also being sued?

Carter Says: June 19th, 2007 at 06:11 PM
NAKID: if you don’t have a signed sponsorship agreement, you don’t have a lot of room to talk.

Kristiin Says: June 19th, 2007 at 08:13 PM
I have talked to Scott personally and I he said NAKID is the shiznit

I must apologize because Sideshow copied this prior to the final post from someone named "Stephanie" who basically quoted a post on the NAKID message board which stated:

OK, just got word that the confusion has been settled.NAKID has an exclusive contract (in writing) with Hamilton's. DCK will not be there on the nights we are there. Neither will any other sports leagues.

This re-poster ended with "This is what they are saying now" I believe.

I just wanted to post this for those of you who may click on the link in the last post and now, for some strange and highly coincidental reason, no can no longer access it.

Hmm, keep this up and you may have to move to Texas... Oh wait...

Since the post I have come across several other "interesting" stories about the DC Kickball founder. Let's just say he has burned many a bridge in both the kickball and DC bar communities.

Again, dude, you may want to catch Earl.

Carson Daly WAS right

2007-06-21T00:29:00.000-04:00

It's been over a month since my last post, so I will need to make this one worth your attention. I have been gathering as much info as I can before writing on this because I am sure the DC Kickball Scout Blog Reader will dispatch a message that will lead to comments galore. Plus I like to have my facts straight before I write and when I haven't, I have been sure to write corrections. I admit here fully that I have not spoken to the DC Kickball founder about any of this because, well, I don't believe or respect him basically. Especially after what has transpired over the last few weeks.

First things first. I am still incredulous at this first story about the DC Kickball founder. About two months ago the founder of DC Kickball decided to go on a trip overseas. While he was gone he had a volunteer assist him with the spring registration for DC Kickball. As someone who has done this before I can tell you that this is no easy task. There are endless questions, teams who need to be updated, people wanting to switch teams, etc. You would think that someone who would be willing to do this while you were vacationing in a faraway land would be appreciated. Well, most of you would.

This woman also agreed to help out to run a division of DC Kickball by volunteering for the board. I call this being "in the can" for the league; it's a term of endearment from one kickball dork to another - but I digress. I refer to this as free labor, and according to the founder of DC Kickball himself, they do all the work on a day-to-day basis for the league.:

"DC Kickball relies on its players to volunteer to run the board and ref the games. The board members are the ones that make all of the major decisions (such as dates and venues) about how to spend the social budget (about $8,000). As well, the board picks and works with a charity throughout the season. In the past, we raised $4,000 for our charity in a single season."

The last two sentences of this quote are the ones that lead to the incredible part of the story. The board this DC Kickballer serves on had chosen a charity for their season and were proceeding with the plans for the season. Apparently a couple of weeks ago they were all notified that they were being fired from their volunteer positions on the board. The board's great malfeasance you ask? They actually believed the DC Kickball founder's above statement about the board being allowed to "pick" it's charity.

Remember, forced charity starts at home!

See, the founder has setup his own "charity" - his legal defense fund to help his case with the Kash guys. The founder has notified at least this particular division (and one can surmise all of them) that they MUST make his legal defense fund their "charity" for this season. When the division's board balked at this demand and explained that they had already chosen a charity and were setup to work with it, they were fired. So, the woman who helped the DC Kickball founder make money while he was off vacationing was dismissed from a position she held to help him run his league because she didn't want donations that could have helped children go toward his legal defense fund. Unreal.

I find it fascinating that a guy who likes to act like he is the greatest thing to kickball since flip cup consistently behaves in the same fashion as the league he is being sued by. In fact in some ways this is worse - the Kash guys couldn't care less what charity a division has and at least are using player dues to pay for this ridiculous lawsuit. (Please note I think they are greedy pigs too, but at least they are not asking for EXTRA money to pay for it). I guess the lesson here is to not trust this guy - even if you help him out and allow him to frolic in Asia. If you don't do what he wants he has no respect for you.

I wonder how registration is going, eh, what's her face has it

Which brings me to the latest saga in this guy's story: sponsor bars. In a previous post I have talked about the fact that DC Kickball and the Kash guys both take money from the bars they send their divisions to. The bars get a promise of a turnout by those divisions, the bar's name on the back of the division's players' shirts, and maybe some extra love (site links, parties, etc). This season DC Kickball on Sundays and Thursdays has sent certain divisions to Hamilton's Bar & Grill which is right next door to the NAKID sponsor bar, My Brother's Place. This has made things somewhat interesting on Sundays as many DC Kickballers have come over to MBP while Hamilton's has been cleared out by 7pm after games.

Probably not what Hamilton's thought it was paying for

Apparently this has not gone unnoticed by the staff and owners at Hamilton's. After one season of paying money to sponsor DC Kickball, they are apparently choosing to do business with NAKID in the fall. Not really tough to figure out, the Sunday turnout at Ham's hasn't been great and they don't have to pay NAKID a sponsorship fee. Hmm, more turnout and costs less - seems like a good business move. NAKID announced to all of it's players in it's Weekly Brew newsletter last week. We were all glad to hear it as it makes access to both bars easy for double the drinking and socializing. The DC Kickball founder was not so thrilled.

I have spoken before about how I do not like the pompous nature of the DC Kickball founder, and this post on his website's blog is a great example. The points that are particularly telling are these:

"I am forced to make the following corrections:

Hamilton’s was told that NAKID just needed some extra space (ie: the downstairs) for a handful of teams

Hamilton’s will remain DC Kickball’s sponsor bar for Thursday and Sunday kickball
Both the District Division and the Constitution Division will have exclusive use of the upstairs "

These were all, of course, untrue and he was called out in the comments section of the blog. This is my favorite exchange:

Kristin Says: June 19th, 2007 at 03:14 PM
Well then Scott is giving us both the runaround…he said we have it next season. I think we both need to verify what’s going on in the fall…

Carter Says: June 19th, 2007 at 06:11 PM
NAKID: if you don’t have a signed sponsorship agreement, you don’t have a lot of room to talk.

Yeah, see you shouldn't go around posting pompous ass things on your blog until you have this in hand

The funny part is, of course, the DC Kickball founder was totally talking out of his ass. Her had no "signed sponsorship agreement" himself. Yet claimed all of these promises from Hamilton's - none of which he had received. In fact I spoke to the other people involved in these negotiations and there was nothing promised to DC Kickball after the spring season. And there was a discussion between Ham's and NAKID before spring season started that they would meet later to discuss a fall sponsorship. Which makes the final statement (I assume final as he has cut off all discussion via comments) on this by the DC kickball founder even more ludicrous:

"The fact of the matter is that the owner of Hamilton’s, on multiple occasions this summer and as recently as last week, assured me that DC Kickball would be coming back for the Fall."

What's clear in both of these cases is this: the DC Kickball founder chooses to, well, bend the truth to fit his own ends. Divisions can choose their own charity, as long as he would get the money. Hamilton's is his sponsor bar, except that no one ever told him that. Seems like the DC Kickball founder really does need to go to business school, as he is planning to do soon, because he sure isn't running this one the right way.

Maybe it's time to start making that list, DC Kickball founder

And even if it was true that he got jobbed by Hamilton's as he implies here: "I definitely feel like an idiot for taking Hamilton’s at their word and misinforming you all about the Fall." I'd advise him to watch a few episodes of My Name is Earl. Karma's a bitch Carter, maybe you should start treating people better.

Taking the "Adult" out of Adult Kickball

2007-05-14T10:18:00.000-04:00

Now that I am no longer a child there are lots of cool things that I no longer have to worry about. No one tells me not to eat Oreos right before dinner because it might spoil my appetite. If I have money and want something I can just buy it without clearing ti through mom and dad. And most people treat me as an adult, meaning that I am responsible for myself and my own actions. Most people, that is.

About 10 days ago I received an email from one of the Kash Guys' representatives, Michelle Vaccaro (whom I have quoted before):

Hi Kickballers,

It has come to our attention that conduct at the Irish Times needs to be addressed with all WAKA players. For the safety of all players and other patrons of the Times as well as the Times staff there are some issues that have happened that are inappropriate and will no longer be tolerated at the Times or with WAKA.

Any and ALL disregard to the Irish Times property and staff including tearing down soap dispensers, kicking in doors, speaking with disrespect to any staff member, throwing beer or other beverages, running across tables, standing on tables, swan dives on tables, OUTSIDE BEVERAGES being brought in, the list goes on and on, will result in that person or person’s being asked to leave the premises. WAKA and the Irish Times are not trying to spoil your fun, but when people’s safety and well being are at stake, something needs to be done and it will be done.

The Irish Times is one of, if not the most, lenient bar that works with WAKA in regard to allowing all WAKA players free reign to have fun and games in the bar. Please have fun, drink and be merry, but do so with respect for yourself and others around you.

Yours in Kickball,
Michelle Vaccaro WAKA
Kickball - The World Adult Kickball Association http://kickball.com
The New American Pastime TM Celebrate 10 years of WAKA
Kickball New Kickball Games, New Friends, New Parties Get it all now at kickball.com!

In sending this email out, Michelle cc'd 5 WAKA divisions and three other reps. Obviously the offending "person or person's" are in one of Michelle's divisions, yet she chose to send this to a number of us that have nothing to do with whatever took place at the Times. My first questions is why didn't she just email whomever was the responsible party?

This is yet another way of showing disrespect for paying customers by the Kash guys and their staff. Shouldn't the offending players be dealt with and the rest of us left alone? It is called ADULT kickball after all. Doing things in this manner has lead to speculation and gossip on several division message boards about who the responsible parties are. And I wonder if it has led to the problem being dealt with.

I also want to take a moment to address the idea that all of the above behavior is worthy of being admonished. The bar and the Kash guys make their living from kickballers consuming vast quantities of beer in a relatively short period of time. Occasionally someone will throw a beer or run across a table. Gee, I am mortified! I thought that drinking all of that beer would make people act like they were at dinner with the Queen.

Poor treatment? Too bad no backtalk from you!

Additionally, the idea that the Times (one of the worst kickball bars in DC) is among the "most lenient" is a complete lie. This is a bar that lies to its patrons by telling them that they cannot buy pitchers of beer from the bar because it is illegal (you see, you have to order them from staff so it can take longer and they get tips). This is also a bar that regularly treats the kickballers like they are an inconvenience and who the staff treats with disrespect. Yet according to Michelle, the paying customers should take the verbal abuse and attitude with no recourse.

Other leagues I play in have either made it clear to the bars or the bars understand that they want us to drink - a lot. As such they allow for stupid behavior like swan diving on tables, dancing on the bar, and the like. Of course damaged property is not tolerated, but those individuals are dealt with, rather than all of us receiving emails like the one above. I guess some people have respect for their customers.

And what's wrong with this?

So, just so we are all clear: the Kash guys and the Times will take kickballers money and encourage all of us to drink until we can barely stand. They want us to tip well, keep coming back, and take whatever treatment we get. Then they want us to behave like we are good little boys and girls. Otherwise Michelle will send out another nasty note, and we may have to have this one signed by our parents before we are allowed back in.

I have my permission slip, Michelle, can I play with the other kids now?

Drinking gets even better!

2007-05-07T23:12:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note to say get out and drink tomorrow (Tuesday) to help raise money to rebuild Eastern Market. A group of DCers put together an idea to raise money from bars in the area tomorrow by having them donate a portion of their proceeds. I am happy to say that a couple of my kickball sponsor bars are participating tomorrow night.

Good job NAKID, will the Kash guys follow?

Also, I have to give props to NAKID for agreeing to match, up to a certain dollar amount, whatever My Brother's Place donates from their proceeds. It would be nice to see the other leagues I play in do the same (hint, hint). In any event, get out to My Brother's Place (or somewhere else on the list) tomorrow and drink for a really good cause - rebuilding a landmark in DC.

Doing the right thing, so let's all drink there tomorrow

Variety is the spice of kickball life

2007-04-30T10:59:00.000-04:00

Most people would not want to eat one kind of food, or even different food from the same place, every day forever. While initially it may sound like Heaven to eat 5 guys all day every day or dine at Citronelle for the rest of your life; eventually it would get boring. And those are examples of things that are excellent. Imagine if you kept going to a crappy restaurant for eternity - how much would that suck? This brings me to this week's open letter to the people who ONLY play in the Kash guy's league:

To Whom it May Concern,

I know that many of you have played with WAKA for many years, as I have. In the last few years a few new kickball leagues have popped up in the area and seem to be growing fairly well. For the most part they are less expensive, get better bar, deals, and one in particular is a much more social event oriented. And many people who play in WAKA, including me, have tried them out - they are fun!

The reason for this letter is to those of you who really care about making WAKA, or whatever league you are in, better. Being a kickball dork I read wakakickball365 fairly regularly and often see people complaining about things they'd like to see WAKA change. Like bar prices increasing or the cheap-o rubber bases they have to use. However, when someone from WAAR or NAKID or some other group posts a response they are met with either silence or disdain from WAKA loyalists. So do people just want to bitch and moan or do they want to effect some change? I fear it is the former.

Also, I wonder where this loyalty comes from? Certainly the Kash guys are only loyal to your dollar bills. After all, aside from a few empty promises by WAKA reps to bring things up to "WAKA central" what real change has occurred? For goodness sake, they won't even give returning players a tiny $5 discount for playing for more than one season! And many of us have worked for free to help them make money, yet we are never considered in anything - except for money collection.

The only thing that gets the Kash guys loyalty

My point is that by playing in more than one league during a season, or alternating between a few, wouldn't you broaden your horizon and possibly get a better experience? Or some ideas to being back to WAKA? Why is it that leagues that have been around for less than half the time WAKA has can afford to not charge for any parties (and have them last 6 hours!), use real bases, and/or charge less? At the very least you would widen your circle for potential friends and hookups. And you may even find you like one of the other leagues better.

This is all a multi-million dollar corporation can afford?

In the end I just don't get why many players are willing to pay more, get less, and put up with people who love WAKA treating them like crap (as in this exchange on a message board). I still play in WAKA but exposing myself to these other leagues has certainly made me see that many of the things I thought could make the league better are feasible and happening elsewhere. The loss of revenue will probably be the only thing that will get the Kash guys' attention, maybe it won't, but at least you'd know. Plus, let's not forget the hookup potential increasing. So why not try one, you may like it?

Kickball Homer

What the Hell is everyone's problem?

2007-04-27T23:58:00.000-04:00

Now that all of the leagues in the area are into the swing of kickball, it's time for me to get back to writing a few times a week - and stepping up the bitchiness of posts. This week, though, I reserve most of the vitriol for the increasingly annoying National Park Service.

Almost all of the leagues I play in play on the National Mall. It's free, first come first get, and a great place to play. I have been playing kickball there for a long time. This past weekend though I saw something I haven't before.

Several softball and kickball teams were engaged in games when a Park Ranger approached. He was friendly enough, but telling us that we could not play where we were (and have been) and would have to leave. We all pointed him to the people in charge. After a short conversation we were told that it was true - our fields had to be picked up and moved immediately.

It seems, from what I could gather, that there is some rule that the irrigation side of the Mall (between 17th and Constitution, the second fields) are not allowed to have any sports played on them. The Ranger - Harry - stated that this has been the case for TWO YEARS! This was a shock to many of us, as we have played there (as has softball and football) many times over those years. Annoying, but okay, if they are going to start enforcing it so be it.

This brings me to Thursday. I have a division that plays in the same area on that day. Fields were setup and we were all playing. Several Rangers and officers passed by. No one said a word to us nor the softballers playing on these very same fields. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. That pisses me off.

Can you play here? Apparently it depends on the day of the week

Odds are that some group of asshole tourists got upset and complained to the Parke Service Sunday. One group came by and complained loudly, "Where am I supposed to walk? You people have cones everywhere." Hey, genius, try the SIDEWALK! I guess they then complained and thus the uncovering and selective enforcement of this rule. Just what I need, another reason to hate tourists.

Hi Idiot Tourists, the long cement things are for walking

What is the deal with the Park Service though? Guys, either everyone enforces the rule or no one does. you can't have it so that some people can use field space - especially on less crowded playing days - while others can't. Or can you? After all, according to the Park Police no one is allowed to question anything, right?

Once again, displaying their charm

Also, let me note this too: I was playing with NAKID on Sunday and of course a Kash Guys division (Monument) had to set up their fields right on top of the ones we were playing on. ours had been up for hours and some jagoff actually said. "We've been here for three years". What a douche! And in reality, you haven't. Monument used to play on the Ellipse - not that it matters. More typical WAKA crap.

The real world hits kickball...again

2007-04-12T09:59:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately tragedy and real life issues strike in all walks of life, and kickball is no exception. This past weekend one of the members of a kickball league I play in passed away at the young age of 30. Reports vary on exactly what the cause is, but it is just a really sad smack of reality in a game most people play to help avoid it.

I think it's kind of trite to say that the guy in question, John Leonard, was taken at too early an age, but it's true. He was a fun guy who embodied what kickball was about; whether it be kicking a game winning grand slam or dressing up as a keg for a Halloween party. it certainly is a great loss to the kickball world.

I especially want to send out my deepest sympathy to his fiance, a kickballer, and his parents. I have to imagine it's every parent's worst nightmare to outlive your children. They should know though that he helped to make many people's lives better in the short time he was with us.

There will be a happy hour soon to raise money for the scholarship fund in his name, which I will post here when the time comes. To borrow a phrase from the newsletter tribute to him:

God Bless you John. Hope you're beating Saint Peter at one-on-one flip cup right now.

"Happy" anniversary? Not for the Kash guys

2007-03-30T11:24:00.000-04:00

This past Monday was the Kash guys 10 year anniversary party. As a loyal, yet outspoken, customer of the Kash guys I decided to attend. The deal was $12 to get in would get you food, cake, and free beer until it ran out. Not a bad deal, though I usually don't drink on Mondays - but as I said I decided to go. And boy am I glad I did!

Being the kickball dork that I am I got there right at six, figure a) it is a crime to not partake of as much "free" beer as possible whenever possible and b) it would be pretty packed at Kelly's Irish Times by 7:30 and at least this way I'd have a spot and food. I was right on about getting there early; it allowed me a good amount of food and I had no problems getting the early beers. I saw a few people I knew and said my hellos and noticed a couple of NAKID people in one of the corners. More on them later.

Who the Hell is tryin's to steal Curly's Koozies?

As 6 became 7 and then 8 something weird was happening - the bar remained, for the most part, barren. Not to the point of tumbleweeds rolling through, but they would have been welcome company. The Kash guys were all there walking around in their best dude ranch outfits - red WAKA button down shirts and blue jeans. It almost felt like I was watching city slickers seeing them. Then the designated "young" guy in the group was circling around looking like a skinny version of Hurley from Lost.

The Kash guys raffled off (for FREE!) 3 silver flasks and then the place cleared out like it was on fire. Some of the people who were there went downstairs for flip cup, the rest went home. I was one of the last ones standing, me and the NAKID people. So I walked over to talk to them.

I was told that immediately upon entering the bar the Kash guys recognized them and came rushing up to ask if they had paid to get in. When told they had, he seemed satisfied (shocking, isn't it, all the Kash guy cared about was that they had paid?). According to the story within a few more minutes another of the Kash guys came over to chit chat. Then, one of the NAKIDs went up to partake of some food and while she was walking back was accosted by a WAKA worker asking if she wanted a free koozie. Plates in both hands caused the NAKID player to pass, but the WAKA worker told her she could have one and placed it under the NAKID girl's armpit for safekeeping - which did not last long.

Safe again, thanks to the Kash guys!

Within a few moments the aforementioned city slicker who was checking on paid or unpaids scurried over and grabbed the precious koozie from under her arm. He scolded his worker, "These are for registered players only. SHE is not registered!" and walked away triumphantly with his koozie safely back in the box. Just so we are clear, he was willing to take the money to get in from NAKID players (who at one point DID play in his league), but didn't want to spare a 36 cent koozie to the filthy people. Seems petty and low class to me. I mean, what's the harm if she would have used the WAKA koozie at a NAKID event - it's free advertising retard! But then, this is typical of the Kash guys.

Umm, dude, why am I here? Where IS everyone?

Of equal importance in illustrating how the Kash guys roll was the turnout. I believe I am being generous in saying that 150 people were there. I don't mean all at once, I mean over the course of three hours. The bar was never full nor half full. In fact, when one of the WAKA worker bees was handing out cake he was soliciting a table of 50-somethings from Texas to buy a wristband so they could get the beer, cake, and food too! Hey, you know the Kash guys, the more (money) the better. Back to the numbers though, to understand how pathetic the turnout was the Kash guys claim to have 10,000 players in the DC area and 150 showed up for this HUGE anniversary party they have been pimping for over a month. From what I heard the Hurley guy came all the way down from somewhere in BFE NY, and for what?

I have to position this against the NAKID birthday party I was at in January to help explain why I think the Kash guys party was such a dismal failure. NAKID's one year party was on a Friday, free, and fun. The Kash guy's party was on a Monday, cost money, and was mundane. Having a party on a Monday to celebrate your 10 years is great for the bar, which is probably dead on Mondays, but not great for players. And why charge? Many of us have contributed hundreds of dollars over the years, couldn't they throw us a bone? I am sure the beer and food were donated so what was the cost to the Kash guys? Oh right - the vaunted koozies. More protected than out troop movements in Iraq.

Maybe the Kash guys should run the war. This was too easy to find, not like a koozie.

I guess my point here is this: it's just another example of the Kash guys suck and why other leagues have popped up here. If players were excited about WAKA they certainly would have come out - if the party was run properly. I don't know how many players NAKID had at that time, but it couldn't have been more than 500 or 600 and there were easily 300 or so at their birthday party.

If I was a Kash guy, I'd be worried. Their base of operations in Washington, DC and if the party on Monday was any indication that 10,000 could become 7 or 8,000 this year. And maybe 5,000 the next. Maybe once they start feeling it in the wallet they will listen to their customers. If not, they can always sell their koozies.

Keep off the grass - or we'll shoot (or at least threaten to arrest you)

2007-03-06T23:42:00.000-05:00

So, I was at a pickup kickball game this past Sunday. No big deal, a bunch of the kickball dorks got together because it was "such a beautiful day". By that I assume they meant that it was sunny and that was about it because at the Washington Monument - where we played - the wind was gusting to about 60 miles per hour. Frankly, I prefer snow kickball; but I digress.

There we were, just the kickball dorks playing on the 15th Street side of the Monument as we have on and off for three months now. We had been playing for about an hour when a Park Policeman on a horse started yelling something seemingly in our direction. However because he chose to yell at us from 50 yards away and the wind was whipping, we really couldn't hear him, so we kept playing. He yelled again and someone saw him make the "cut it" sign with a throat slash motion. We all grumbled as to what the problem was and began to pick up the field as one of the players ambled over to fins out what was wrong. The next thing we knew, he told us he was being arrested!

After a few minutes of him walking over to the cop, who remained on horseback but had come closer to the group, the player started to return to the group. Then the Park Police officer started pulling the guy's backpack, while still on horseback, thus choking him somewhat. Now, the guy can't be taller than 5'3 and the horse is pulling back against the wind, so you can imagine that this was painful. Next, three other officers approach our friend and the horse cop (now off of his horse and writing info down). The 4 of these Keystone cops detain the player for about 15 more minutes and then he is allowed to return to the group.

Don't you feel safe with them out there?

The player relays that he asked the punkass Park Police horse cop why we had to leave, to which he received the response, "Because I said so". The cop repeated this 4 times to him, never giving an actual answer. WTF are we five years old? You can't give the guy an answer? So the players turns to leave saying, "Ok, you're an asshole." WEEEELL, this tees this fake cop off! Now he starts grabbing at the player saying he is being "disorderly". He informs the player to hold still and that he is not to "call me a fucking asshole". The player responded (in true kickball fashion), "I didn't call you a fucking asshole, I just called you an asshole." I know, funny, but not his brightest moment.

Horse's ass cop calls for his supervisor and the three others show up. The supervisor, who at least has more tact than horse's ass cop, states that the Park Service asked them to ask us to stop because they were worried about the condition of the grass. He then added that as for horse's ass cop, "You have to do whatever an officer tells you to do as long as it's not illegal". Oh right, I missed that amendment to the Bill of Rights.

Ok, let's begin with the understanding that talking back to a cop, even the useless, chip on their shoulder Park Police, is never a good idea. Given that, am I alone in thinking this is complete and utter bullshit?! "Because I said so"? Hey, um, horse's ass, that's not a good enough reason. My assumption is that this guy was too stupid to know why he was following orders from some park service puke and probably hasn't gotten laid in a year and so tries to be a tough guy on a horse. Meanwhile, I doubt that calling him an asshole would stand up in court as "disorderly" conduct; but I am damn sure that 12 witnesses testifying that they saw some Park Police punk dragging a guy around by his backpack would qualify as police brutality.

Just a rough draft to the Park Police

Next, the idea that one is to do anything an officer tells her to unless it is unlawful sounds a bit like a police state, doesn't it? Let's see, if I get pulled over and a cop tells me to take my pants off I believe that's not unlawful, and so I should just do it. Apparently the police in the District have been granted the supreme authority over all of us mere mortals. All praise the Park Police, they know the truth!

Destroying the grass, one blade at a time

Finally, a look at the whole cause of this - the poor grass. God save the grass! I'd like to thank the National Park Service for being so concerned about the condition of the grass around the Washington Monument. Most of it has been fenced off since mid November and is scheduled to remain so through March. I anxiously await the unveiling of the lush fields of green once those red fences come down. Of course, the NPS isn't too concerned from April through October when they routinely flood the grass by running the sprinklers all day, creating a swamp like situation. And they certainly aren't concerned when the keystone cops are driving on it. But kickballers - we're the real threat!

Kickball Douchebags

2007-02-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

This past Monday was the championship for the indoor kickball league I was playing in. The game was going along pretty well and was a close match between the Jingle Hoos and Kick, Flip, Repeat. It was set to be a 9 inning match and was humming along through the 8th when all of the sudden the game was halted and lots of shouting began. Many of us were confused as to what was going on until the umpire clarified; Kick, Flip, Repeat had brought beer into an elementary school (where the games were played) and was immediately disqualified and thrown out of the school.

Many of us were shocked and several people wondered how people could be so stupid. I mean really, if you can't wait an hour to drink beer you probably need to join a 12 step program. Further, it's just plain stupid and disrespectful - not to mention illegal. So this led me to coin another phrase I will use to describe this team and others like it: Kickball Douchebags.

Kickball Douchebags varies slightly from the urban dictionary definition of a douche bag, which refers to anyone you know who is a douche bag. This has to be kickball specific, so I will submit the entry here, with an example, of course:

Kickball Douchebags (noun) - 1. A person on a kickball team that is a total moron and doesn't think before he/she speaks or acts. 2. A kickball team with an indescribable idiocy, hence stupidity, poor idea of what's cool, possibly an arrogance about them. 3. A team that is a total tool of the Kash guys.

ex. Did you hear about Kick, Flip, Repeat bringing beer to a school? They are total kickball douchebags for that.

Hello, we are Kick, Flip, Repeat - tools of the Kash guys

Let me lay out the whole story though, to make it clear. Apparently this team plays in the Kash guys' DC Lightning division normally. A quick view of the Lightning site showed that this is true and the team's name last season was While You're Down There. One of their players served on the board. I guess they decided to play indoor kickball with NAKID.

My team played them a couple of times and playing them was never fun. We beat them (big whoop) but they were one of those teams that argues every call and just seemed to have a chip on its shoulder the whole season. Then at the bar they would stick to themselves. Apparently, as I have heard, they were drunk and bringing beer to all the games so this may explain their angry, antisocial behavior.

Fast forward to Monday's game where one guy in particular kept yelling at the umpire and acting like a tough guy. After the game was called because of their illegal actions, the responses were typical of kickball douchebags. First, they denied having beer. Then they stated that while they did have beer, someone had known about it the whole time and that by taking the side of the head umpire people were "on their side". Generally speaking, I like to be on the right side of the law too. Finally, one guy was pushing the head umpire, talking typical kickball douchebag stuff about wanting to fight and actually pushing the guy (who did not push back and just told them to get out). Again, the beer may explain this behavior.

So they head to the bar, declaring themselves champs despite all that transpired. Speaking to one of the people who helps run NAKID I was told that this would just be left alone as long as the kickball douchebags left it that way. But of course, they could not. They started posting things on NAKID's message board about how they are the champs and NAKID people are too weak or something to play with the Kash guys (Hi, KDB, a number of us DO!), etc. So the team was sent an email, which was passed to me:

Based on your team's display last night and wanton disregard for the law, let alone the rules of NAKID, denial of having broken the law, and subsequent threats of violence, your team has been banned from this league. This means that none of you will be invited nor allowed to participate in any NAKID events. In addition any further comments posted on our message board by your team members will continue to be deleted by the administrator. If you are happy in the league you regularly play in, then just return to it and leave it at that.

Pretty straightforward to me and would seem simple enough even for kickball douchebags to understand, right? WRONG! I was not sent all of the responses, but these two seem indicative:

Totally unnecessary - and somewhat prolific, you all were banned from WAKA (probably b/c you're lame and don't drink during games) and you banned us from NAKID, whoop'd-e-freaking-do. As if you didn't know we didn't plan on coming back again, anyway.Thanks for the good times and the ability to now say we've been BANNED FROM NAKID to all of our WAKA friends!!!

I was wondering if you could make our “wanton disregard for the law” shrimp… Oh and could you add some spicy mustard as well. So the final order should read “Based on your team’s display last night and SHRIMP wanton WITH SPICY MUSTARD disregard for the law.”

Okay, now that I (and hopefully most of you) are done laughing, let's take a look at these two responses. The first states that it's "prolific", which as we all know does not fit there, and must be referring to the league's sexual prowess. It also states that people in NAKID were banned from WAKA, which is of course, a lie. The second shows that these people really are kickball douchebags - apparently the writer doesn't understand the difference between delicious won tons and the word wanton. Amazing.

The food of choice for kickball douchebags, just make sure you place the order

The interesting thing is this: these people knew they were not supposed to drink in a school. And in fact, if you go to the DC Lighting page right now the first thing one's eye is drawn to is "Rule 1.03 – Alcohol is prohibited on the field unless expressly permitted by field regulations. Note: Our field regulations don’t allow it. If you get caught with alcohol by the Capitol Police, you will be ticketed and WAKA could lose its ability to filed games on the Mall. (“This beverage sure is refreshing in an opaque cup.” Opaque means you can’t see through the cup for those of you who have trouble with words.)" So if these kickball douchebags have been drinking on the fields during games, someone may want to alert the Park Police (they play Wednesdays) to this.

Not for use is elementary schools, kickball douchebags!

I'm telling you, it's kickball douchebags like these people that make it difficult to stay in WAKA and make players turn to DC Kickball and NAKID. Have fun eating your wantons morons!

Back for Realsies

2007-02-26T11:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know that I said I would be back and writing steadily around Christmas, but now I really am. And boy have I heard a lot of things over the last few months that will make for some great posts. And so, I begin.

It seems that kickball is not the only thing that the Kash guys of WAKA are exporting to the Left Coast. There is something of a kickball rebellion brewing there because, as the Kash guys influence there increases, many players become disenchanted with the horrible business practices that have taken place here in DC. Notably, according to the Awesome Helicopter Ninjas - one of the LC's premier WAKA teams, because of problems at the bar.

I received an email from one of the Ninja's informing me of some less than happy response from his WAKA rep when he dared to complain about the prices increasing at his sponsor bar again. You can read the whole exchange here, but I'll boil it down for you. An AHN mentioned that part of the reason for the raising of prices at the bar and the bar's less than great treatment of the players was due to the fact that the bar has to pay the Kash guys to get the sponsorship. The WAKA rep responded that he was wrong and that it was none of his business. The Ninja player then asked me if I had any info that may help. As always, I did.

The Kash guys, spreading their brand of unhappiness there too

The treatment of players at most sponsor bars, at least here, must have a lot to do with the money the bar pays the Kash guys. The reason I say that is because normally, if someone was promising 100-200 people to a bar on a Wednesday night - when the bar would otherwise be a ghost town - the owner and staff would be grateful. Especially if you could promise that many people for 8 or 9 weeks per season. But with these sponsor bars, especially the longer a division goes there, it seems that there is less appreciation for this steady stream of thirsty customers. Must be the money.

In DC the Kash guys charge something like $7.25 (this number comes from a WAKA rep) per player to sponsor bars. For a full division that comes out to $3016. Out of that, WAKA reps get a cut, the rest easily covers tee shirt costs. The bars get the aforementioned drunken kickballers, and frankly we are a pretty easy bunch to take care of. It's mostly just beer and food. But, we like to get it in a timely manner and there are a lot of us ordering at once. And the staff wants large tabs so they can get large tips, but we want separate tabs. And there is a lot to clean up when we leave. And we really don't go to the sponsor bar much when it's not a kickball night, and we don't really want to have parties where we drink every week. BUT, the bar does make a lot of money even minus the $3K or so they have to pay.

It's all about the Benjamins, baby

Most people feel compelled to go to the bar on the back of their shirt, so really the bar has guaranteed patronage. So they raise prices to make up for the money they paid the Kash guys. After awhile, they put the new staff on to handle the kickballers, so service goes down. If players complain they are met with "It's none of your business" statements (as the Hollywood rep posted on the message board) and things rarely improve. Players feel like they are pretty powerless and stuck with the bar. But it's not so.

According to the bylaws of divisions, they are independent entities of WAKA. So a non-board member could go talk to a bar and negotiate a better deal, not take any money, and convince players to go there. At the very least, players can drink at any bar they choose to - and if you roll up with 100 others, they will let you play flip cup. The bottom line is, it IS your business and you do have alternatives.

The treatment that players receive is DIRECTLY related to the bars being charged for their patronage. In my WAKA and DC Kickball experiences the staff has been slow, surly, and unhappy to have us there - they both charge bars. In NAKID's bar, there is certainly a different feel. While service for food can be slow, I never feel like they are annoyed that we are there - and I can always get a separate tab. Plus, occasionally they play scrimmages against us and supply the beer afterward! That has to be about the relationship the bar has with the organization.

As always, the Kash guys and their reps will be defensive when asked about money. That means you're on the right track. But for you left coasters maybe it's time for some good ol' 60s protests to get your sponsor bar to treat you right. Just leave the patchouli at home.

I smell a protest!!

Kickball Kristmas List

2006-12-25T00:04:00.000-05:00

Sorry I have been away for a while, just some things that had to be worked out and needed time away but Sideshow and I are back and will be posting regularly again. Our many fans can rest easy. So for Christmas I have a wish list for the various kickball entities:

1. For DC Kickball - A mirror for the guy who runs it since he believes he is such a local celebrity. Also, an end to the frivolous lawsuit that has been filed against it.

2. For NAKID - An updated registration system already! And more and more customers to show the Kash guys and DC Kickball how a kickball joint should be run.

3. For WAKA - A heart and a soul. Additionally, a $2 million per founder buyout plus royalties for the next five years so these Kash guys will go away and stop runing kickball for many people.

4. For Kickball365.com - Some other influence on it than WAKA. Plus, more people to post on it than the guys who play kickball to get fame and glory out of winning (of which they get neither - it's kickball!).

Ok, that's it for now, we're back and so is the sarcasm. Winter Indoor Kickball updates soon. Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

VOTE TODAY

2006-11-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

Short and sweet. Some things are more important than kickball. Be a great American and vote today. It's more important than almost anything else you'll do this year,

Winning v Losing

2006-11-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hope springs eternal again as my next to last chance to win a kickball championship comes this weekend. Hopefully my team can make the grade and take home the trophy. It's not a big deal, really, but it's always nice to win. Actually, as long as most of my team shows up and plays well, I'll be happy. I don't mind losing to a better team - as long as we all do our best. Trite I know, but true.

I had a conversation with one of my teammates after last week's game, which my team lost. I was upset because it didn't seem like most of the players on the team were really trying. When I see this I get in a bad mood. My teammate doesn't get it. She's not competitve at all and I guess can't relate, but I don't think it's too much to ask. Show up, play, and drink. No more no less.

If so, playing with blue balls will take oon a different meaning

I think some people have a difficult time with the concept of adults playing kickball competitively, but it's to be expected I believe. Any time you have groups of people playing in anything that involves a score and winning, people will be competitve. It's part of the way Americans are raised. And I think it's great. What makes kickball so good is that because there are men and women on teams people tend to not go overboard with their competitiveness. It's not good at getting the opposite sex.

Let the REAL games begin!

So this weekend I'll want to win and try my best. But if I don't, there's always the game at the bar...

Why I love being a (sorta) adult on Halloween

2006-10-31T11:26:00.000-05:00

It's waaaaay better to be an adult then a kid on Halloween. I can buy candy if I want it. And now no one can tell me when to stop eating it. But as a kid I never got to go to really cool Halloween parties. I am reminded of this because I have one tonight that I am sure will be great (read: 2 kegs of beer plus REAL food) and had a kickball one on Sunday that shows why kickball and adult work so well together. It also proves why I rank NAKID as my number one league. Free beer and free shots. Many drunk ass bastards. Many people making out. Some naked people. I'll give a pictorial review of the night.

Rub him and make a wish

Many people's nightmare, yet strangely arousing

Not a costume, but piercings are always good

Any night that ends with three girls kissing has to be good!

Needless to say, she won the contest

How come the refs on the field never look like this?

The Shot Ski!

Reports on the message board relating the next day woes of many also help to show it was a great night. Apparently I wasn't the only one not at work yesterday.

So yay to kickball. And adult kickball. And adult kickball Halloween parties. Given having to go to bed too early, limited candy consumption, and puberty - why would I want to be a kid again?

A message from your Uncle Sam

2006-10-27T10:44:00.000-04:00

It must be a slow news day in Knoxville. Maybe crotchety baby boomers have forgotten to take their (fill in prescription happy pills). Either that or there is nothing more pressing to write about in some people's view than dodgeball, tiddlywinks, and - you guessed it - kickball. Not just to write about them but of course to use the tried and true method of once again stomping on anything Gen Xers do.

I speak of a column by Sam Venable in the Oct 26 edition of the Knoxville News Sentinel. I won't reprint the whole column here but there are a few pieces of it I'd like to discuss. To put it nicely. It seems Mr. Baby Boomer has no problem with the above mentioned games - as long as it's played like I guess he remembers it from 1966 in some cow pasture. As he writes:

Grownups aren't content to merely play games any more. They've got to "adulterate" everything. And in so doing, they complicate and commercialize the innocent joys of simple fun.

Only in baby boomer America could the pleasures of youth be reclaimed and reclassified by adults.

No longer do you and the fellows gather over at Doc Snyder's pasture and choose sides for a pickup game with mismatched equipment. Instead, it's time for the bureaucracy to begin.

In case you've missed this recreational revolution, you may be surprised to discover there are highly organized adult associations not only for dodgeball and kickball, but also softball, baseball, volleyball and hockey, among others.

This is like listening to your old Uncle Sam who would reminisce on the days of yore about how us whippersnappers now get to watch these fancy moving type pictures. You know, they remember the days when people would just get by listening to "The Life of Riley" on the radio and like it dag nab it! Licorice whips were only a penny and you could keep yer doors open and yer windows open too. There were never any problems back then, NO ssiiirrr. Nowadays it's all "adulterated".

They listen to the Elvis, he's got some evil hips, he does.

Of course, as adults many of us have lives where we have to go to work and make a living. Or take care of kids. Some of us like to have fun too, and in that vein we search for some sort of organized leagues to play in. I don't have a network of 30 or so people I can get together with for a pickup game in the cow field for us to play kickball. Or at least I didn't until I joined kickball.

As with many things for these older people, Uncle Sam fails to see that times have changed. People don't get out and talk to their neighbors after a day's work at the office while the wife was at home cleaning and cooking. Now everyone works, a lot. Yet we are still social creatures who require interaction. So we join kickball leagues or book clubs or bowling teams to meet people. It's all setup for us so we just have to show up, play, and talk to people. We do it for fun. We don't want to play kick the can, and it's not meant for kids. So what's the problem?

In Uncle Sam's world, it'll always be Leave it To Beaver

The evil idea of sponsorships (gasp) from horrible corporate entities is addressed in this ode de the past as well. Uncle Sammy is horrified at the "...$50,000 rock-paper-scissors tournament in Las Vegas last April, complete with sponsorship from Bud Light beer and broadcast rights by the A&E Network? Lord, give us strength." Yes Uncle Sam, the world has changed, people can get sponsorships for things to help make games and fun events worth some money. Does this make the game less fun or innocent? Not for me. In fact in some leagues, not WAKA of course, these sponsorships actually help lower costs for the players. But I know that the Flower Power kids would never want to hear that (though they will sell you an original purse of their's for just $45.99) because they are above such things.

On sale from the people who shun material things and profits

The lawsuit does get mentioned and is a valid point, but everyone knows it's frivolous and will be thrown out. Uncle Sam ends his rant by stating that, "If Ponce de Leon were back amongst us, he wouldn't waste time searching for the Fountain of Youth. Instead, he'd climb into his local sports club's official uniform and compete against other geezers in official tournaments, complete with official rules, official travel headquarters and official prize money." Except we're not geezers, and we're not looking for the Fountain of Youth. We're just people who like to have fun. I thought that's what the baby boomers were all about, you know, free love and do whatever you want, man.

It seems odd that Uncle Sam would pick on kickball players. Maybe he just wishes he was young again and is jealous. More likely he just likes to whine. Somebody go buy him some rock candy from the corner store, will ya? He's about to tell us about that time he had to walk to school barefoot in 8 feet of snow uphill, both ways. Then he has to take his nap.

Why, back in my day we didn't have any fancy "email". You sent everything on a pony and it took a week to get a letter across town and by golly we liked it!

Blogger and Homer needed some alone time

2006-10-27T10:26:00.000-04:00

Next time, just let me know first honey

Wednesday I had this great post I had written and found funny pictures for. When I went to publish it, Blogger was down for maintenance. Can't they warn you or something before they do that? I was ranting and raving and said some mean things to Blogger. Later I noticed that Blogger did in fact publish the post, I felt like crap. Blogger and I went out for a nice dinner and talked things out. So, today's post arrives shortly.

I don't even know what this is

2006-10-25T15:17:00.000-04:00

I know I complain a lot about the Kash guys at WAKA and how they are the worst kickball league in the area when it comes to greed. I know I gave stated that they lie about small things like exactly where their regional playoffs are. Yes, I have been known to comment on the people that they hire and how pitiful they must be. All of it's true. It was illustrated again today.

Earlier today Sideshow Bob received the number one best party invitation ever:

Hello DC Hill Kickballers,

Here is the preliminary information on the End of Season Party:

Location:* *Exchange,* *1719 G Street NW*
Date: Saturday, November 4th*
Time: 8PM* The time may change slightly (within an hour).
The board will send out a definate time at the beginning of next week.

The Board

Michelle Vaccaro
WAKA Kickball - The World Adult Kickball Association www.kickball.com
michelle@kickball.com
The New American Pastime TM
One Huge Weekend,

One Hot WAKA Experience

Join us for WAKA's
Leaders Cup W orld Kickball Championship

Nov 10-12 in San Diego, CA

I think it mainly speaks for itself, but I must comment. This was sent out by a WAKA employee, not a division volunteer. In this email is possibly the worst signature I have ever seen:

Michelle Vaccaro
WAKA Kickball - The World Adult Kickball Association www.kickball.com
michelle@kickball.com
The New American Pastime TM
One Huge Weekend,

One Hot WAKA Experience

Join us for WAKA's
Leaders Cup W orld Kickball Championship

Nov 10-12 in San Diego, CA

Michelle, sweetie, run spell check. Stop using the retun key, and form a coherent thought. This is the thing that everyone sees on every email you send out! Do you work for WAKA, a travel agency, or a dating site? I'm made dizzy by the propositions just in your signature. Do I want a "Hot WAKA Experience"? A "Nov 10-12 trip to San Diego, CA"? Or to see the "Leaders Cup W orld Kickball Championship (sic)"? Whatever you need, Michelle's your chick. Woohoo!

Let's say I plan on going to this party. If I can get through the annoying use**of asterisks** for whatever reason I see that the party is from 8 until eternity (give or take an hour). And is free! This is a first in my dealings with the Kash guys. But wait, what the hell am I getting for free? What exactly is at this party? Maybe this is some kind of scam like those people who draw your name for a "free lunch" when you put your business card in a bowl. Then when you go to lunch they make you sit through some 30 minute thing for a time share or how they have the answer to your real estate dreams. I guess I'll wait for The Board to clarify, since they will "defantely" be getting back to Sideshow.

Yes, yes you can party. Right after we show you this beautiful oceanfront timeshare, in Arizona.

In any case, this is by far the worst invitation from a professional organization I think I've ever seen. You would think for $60 a season, of which 80 percent goes to overhead, they could hire people who can spell. Or run spell check. Hmm, come to think of it this may be the worst excuse for an invite I have ever gotten. My little niece's invitation to her 10th birthday party at least knew how long it would last. But of course she doesn't work for the Kash guys. Although I hear they need people...

This week 4th grade, next week WAKA employee of the month!

Why I play kickball

2006-10-23T15:29:00.000-04:00

There are lots of sports that amateurs can play: softball, football, badmiton, etc. Most people play a sport to get exercise, get out their aggressions, or have their competitive outlet. Others play to meet people and have fun. When you play softball or football no one ever asks you why you play. They just either politely nod because they didn't really care to begin with or they ask followups. Everyone always asks "Why?" when you say you play kickball. There are some great reasons.

The never ending question to kickballers

The first is that it's easy. I don't have to worry about getting mashed by a lineman. I don't need the hand-eye coordination of softball. Most people playing kickball aren't trying to relive some 4th grade blacktop legend status they never knew. So I like kickball because it's easy and not as competitive as other sports.

The second is beer. Beer is a large part of the kickball experience. In fact, some people like me would argue that the real competition in kickball happens at the bar. I'm sure that many people enjoy kicking and catching the ball; but everyone enjoys the bar scene. And most people love the beer.

The third reason is the social scene. It can range from almost none (District Sports) to fill-my-calendar-for-the-season (NAKID) but they a;ll have one. Whether you go to Happy Hours, just the bar after the games, or the parties it's a lot of fun. There is no other way that I can think of to meet so many people with whom you have something in common in such a short period of time. And almost no one asks what you do!

The last is the distraction from daily life. I just found out today that I am losing my job. Sort of. My company was trying to merge with a major one and got shot down, so I am in limbo. Normally this would cause worry and fretting. Instead I can check kickball messageboards, read the gossip, and lose myself in the pointless ramblings of others. Sure there are other things that can distract you from life's crap; but few will allow you to get drunk as a cover!

Anyone need a blogger? I work cheap!

I play kickball because it's a great time and I don't have to worry about impressing people with my prowess on the field. I enjoy the people I come in contact with. Overall I think it makes my life better or at least more fun. Where else can I get the drama of high school and not have to hide the fact that I'm drinking beer? Competitive dominoes?

Ok, but do you have people drunkenly hooking up in the bathroom?

Time for a change?

2006-10-19T10:09:00.000-04:00

While my company's computer system is down I got to wondering about last night's Game 6 NLCS game between the Mets and Cardinals. The back and forth in the series has been great. It's a true test of endurance. Football is by far king of sports, but the Super Bowl and it's playoffs lack the coolness and inherent fairness of a playoff series. After all, a few bad plays in a football playoff game, and you're done. Is this really the best way to show who the best team is? I don't think so.

All the kickball leagues I play in are run the in much the same way. Usually there is a day long marathon of games which are all "one and done". You lose, you're gone, see you at the bar. For the most part, I agree with anything that can hasten the move to the bar but I don't think I do in this case. Maybe a playoff series would be better.

Series v Beer? I love them both, Beer will wait for me

In all of the leagues I play in every team makes the playoffs. This usually means 12 or 16 teams, so I realize that having even a three game series for each round is not feasible. So I propose having a playoff series, best of three, for the championship only. Most kickball games don't exceed one hour, so you could easily fit the entire series in the time it takes to watch one baseball or football game.

This would give a better idea of who the most deserving champion is, I believe. I have seen some "World Kickball Champions" crowned because someone mishandled one bunt. Or a "Champion of the Kickball Universe" named because the pitcher was on. But what if he had to throw three games in a row? Would he be as good? Would someone else get a chance to shine? I don't know but it sure seems like a better way to crown a champ than basing it on an errant throw.

After all, Mookie Wilson's grounder in '86 happened in Game 6, so the Red Sox still had a chance. And even though they did lose the series, at least it all didn't come down to that one play. Maybe the kickball powers that be should consider that and change their format.

Bill Buckner, the patron saint of the kickball playoff series

Missing the "adult" in Adult Kickball

2006-10-18T16:55:00.000-04:00

People are always fascinating to me. Any time they are grouped together certain personalities tend to stand out. Others just get swallowed up by the group. Then there are those who want desperately to be more important than they actually are. Even in kickball, when why the hell would it matter?

On the NAKID message board today I read with amusement an exchange between one of the players in the league and one of the people in charge. A little background: the player is on a team that was caught soliciting non-registered players to play because they were going to be short girls last week. This is a big no-no in all of the leagues I play in (though people routinely do it in WAKA). The team was called out for it. Their opponents this past week beat them, and I guess they are bitter about losing and being called out. One of the captains posted this:

So I seem to remember when I first signed up for NAKID, that there was a checkbox I had to check that made sure I read something that went like this...In signing up for NAKID, you agree to have fun, not take the kickball games too seriously, and drink like it's going out of style. This is meant to be a FUN league (not like WAKA) and any aggression, rule dropping, BITTERNESS, bringing the rule book to the game (um... the current one, not the SPRING '06 one! LOL!) are strictly prohibited! To agree, check here: So, in keeping with the agreement, we haven't bitched about rules, we've taken certain creative license (deny, deny, deny), and we've played in fun with all of the teams in the league... even the intense ones from last season!... and have all had a great time. All was well and good in the land of NAKIDness until all hell broke loose last Sunday and rule books came out, someone brought their bitchy side to the field (along with an outdated rule book), and unfortunately, no class was exhibited, illustrated by the fact that the pitcher didn't want to pitch to the last batter because it wouldn't have mattered in the outcome of the game. They were winning by an insurmountable lead. Oh wait, I'm forgetting the TWO cherries on the top of this bitter, bitter cake...The captain RAPED Joe's ear at the conclusion of the game... AND, the team never even showed to the bar. I saw one light blue shirt and it was from last season! This is just a public service announcement to all you kickballers out there... Don't forget why we play for NAKID, and don't forget that everyone pays their dues and wants the pleasure of playing the WHOLE game and having fun doing it... no matter how bad they are losing. Oh, and if you win, shouldn't you be smiling at the end, not scowling???I'm beginning to think this league is full of people that secretly work for the IRS!Fun people... FUN! Remember what that means? I offered a solution because we aren't the only team that needs to recruit more people that will show... I have reffed a few "automatic outs/runs down" games lately and it's disappointing to both teams. Let teams recruit league wide so the games would be played out with the requisite number of players. This gives us all the chance to play a full game as well as introducing people that want to play next season to the league. Hey Joe! That means more $$$$, more free beer, and more extracurricular activities. Let me ask you this. If you paid your dues and came out to play and the other team had to forfeit because they didn't have enough players, or played but presented no challenge because they couldn't cover the field... wouldn't you feel a little cheated? You might as well have just gone to the bar. That's not what we signed up for. So if a team brings the enough people to present good competition even though some aren't on the original roster, so what? Prorate the dues and everyone will be happy. But... we will all have a better time playing (why we signed up in the first place) if the teams show with enough people (and girls).P.S. There is one team now that must start every game now one point down because a team member's brother was in town and wanted to enjoy the experience. Seriously folks! Give me a break... See, here's the thing. No one approached us and said, that will be $20-$30 for each new player to finish out the season (3 games), which would have been fine. We hadn't even made it to game on Sunday with new recruits. If we are allowed to recruit and have them pay to play the rest of the season, then why were we met with such bitterness and consternation after advertising that we needed girls? It's not illegal to add girls to the team apparently, as long as they pay to play the rest of the season. I'll throw this out there too... If someone on the Alcobolics team has a brother, sister, cousin, mom or dad, etc. that would like to enjoy our game this coming Sunday, please feel free to bring them. We won't say a word... Looking forward to the game!!!

This post was deleted a few times because apparently someone on the "light blue team" was offended, but the guy kept reposting so it was left there. Then he kept posting subsequent emails from on of the guys who runs the league. One announced he was kicked off as captain for inviting a team to break rules. Just lots of crap like that.

Part of this what makes it so funny is that no team in NAKID has had to forfeit this season, and in fact they make it so there are no forfeits so this guy is waaaaay off base. Also, part of the draw to play in NAKID is that they have rosters that are flexible so you can kick those no-shows off the team and replace them. I don't know how a captain wouldn't know this. Further, he states in another post that other leagues have teams pay a lump sum and then have players come and go as the please - registered or not. Maybe in some other area, but I have played in all of them here and that certainly is not the case.
Hi, I'm ready for kickball
Anyway, I tried to figure out what this guy's point is. You flame the team you played, try to get other teams to break the rules, and act like an ass in general and for what? No one on the message board seems to be on the guy's side. See, the thing is when you go off like a baby missing it's pacifier and you are over the age of 2, you better be right. Or at least have point. This guy has neither.

Sometimes I wonder if there really is any "adult" in adult kickball. Don't get me wrong: I enjoy acting like an idiot on a Booze Bus trip or dressing up for the playoffs - but this stuff is just stupid.

Just imagine if he was getting responses from the DC Kickball guy. What an Inferiority Complex Convention that would be. And note to the guy: if you felt unimportant or whatever before, imagine how you are going to feel now.

The shirt for dumbass kickballers

Kickball gets political

2006-10-17T12:36:00.000-04:00

I know it's the political season and as we wind down here to the last three weeks the hyperbole will be ratcheted up to sites unseen. I'm about ready to hear that George Allen had sex with a deer before cutting off its head and putting it on top of a cross which he burned on a black family's property when he was 10 1/2. Or that Michael Steele secretly does hate puppies and actually the one in that ad was a cat dressed as a puppy. I'm used to that. But I really don't need it in kickball.

Closet puppy hater?

Last week several of my friends emailed me immediately upon getting an email from the founder of DC Kickball. I'll spare you the details, all of which can basically be seen here anyway, and get to the part that was... a bit much to me. This picture was at the top of the email:

Ok, I get the David v Goliath aspect of the Kash Guys suing DC Kickball and as I have stated, I am rooting for the guy - but COME ON! Dude, you're fighting for kickball freedom not the right to live in a free society. 5,000 people are not going to be slaughtered if you lose your case. And by the way, I don't think that kid was advertising for the Chi-Comms while he was standing there, as you have done for WAKA on your website. Plus, he was fighting for something completely different than Communism, you're just fighting to be WAKA Jr. It's just a tad over the top.

So this is followed up by a piece written by a former DC Kickballer on DCist that basically seeks to remind people that the case is still going on. However, the author uses some rather interesting analogies:

We're miffed that WAKA would really push this lawsuit. After all, the rules of kickball aren't any more proprietary than are the rules of Paper, Rock, Scissors. Moreover, Rabasa may have called WAKA "the Microsoft of kickball," but doesn't this lawsuit somewhat expose the fact that that's what they are? And though WAKA could probably stand to lose a few players, we've heard rumors that plenty of teams defected to DCKickball once the lawsuit became public. That seems to make sense -- after all, kickball has always tried to present itself as a fun, carefree alternative to organized sports.

Should this actually go to trial and reach the stage where it would merit a judgment, we're guessing it'll go down in American legal history alongside the hot-spilled-coffee lawsuit and the I-had-no-idea-eating-50-Big-Macs-a-day-would-be-bad-for-me lawsuit.

Ok I want to take this part by part. First, "Rabasa may have called WAKA "the Microsoft of kickball," but doesn't this lawsuit somewhat expose the fact that that's what they are?" Umm, no. Hi, Sun sued Microsoft because they accused Microsoft of forcing people to use their browser, Microsoft didn't sue anyone. Also, I'd like to state for the record that Microsoft is a kickass company that has made many people's lives easier. Plus, the guy who founded it has given billions away. I wish someone would compare the place I work to that. Bad analogy one.

Next, "Should this actually go to trial and reach the stage where it would merit a judgment, we're guessing it'll go down in American legal history alongside the hot-spilled-coffee lawsuit ..." Uhh, again, this was a woman suing a big company not the other way around. And by the way, she won that case so if the point is that the lawsuit was bogus, this doesn't work (I know the amount was lowered on appeal, but she did win). Bad analogy two.

Hot and a bad analogy

Then, "...and the I-had-no-idea-eating-50-Big-Macs-a-day-would-be-bad-for-me lawsuit." To my knowledge there is no such lawsuit, but even if there was, this is again a person suing the big guy - not the other way around. Bad analogy three.

My point is this: I think the DC Kickball founder is trying too hard. Hi, we are on your side, stop being a shmuck. Everyone knows the Kash guys want to shut you down because they fear competition. Everyone knows the lawsuit is frivolous. People would be happy to help you; just stop advertising for the people suing you.

And for Pete's sake don't make it like you're the last beacon of freedom in the world and thousands will die if you lose. It's a kickball lawsuit about money. Life will go on. Leave that crap to the politicians.

Ramblings on Friday the 13th

2006-10-13T10:13:00.000-04:00

Today is one of my favorite days of the year - Friday the 13th. I just like it because people get all weird about it, the news covers it like it matters, and as an added bonus this year; it's the first chilly day in a long time. So, I figure today I will just put some random thoughts together about several things that I have seen, but can't really make a column about. Pretty much just unrelated kickball ramblings. Enjoy!

I love it when it gets cold outside. I know it means kickball is over (or moved indoors) but it's a nice relief from the not-to-distant 85 degree kickball days.

I know one man's trash in another's treasure, but this is ridiculous! I mean come on, I have some cleats and colored socks I wore from my first season, what they hell are they worth? Also, this guy better watch out, if the Kash guys find out he's selling a logoed t-shirt they may sue his ass.

Hey, it's vintage on Ebay!

I'm reading the DC Kickball message board the other day and come across this exchange between the founder and a player not named Kickball Homer about changing the name of the Adam's Morgan division:

Founder: I'm going to nominate a couple:
O.G. (original gansta) Division
AdMo Division
T.T. (Tom Tom) Division
Ringer Division (back in the ringer-T days)

Player: T.T. - HELL NO!!!
We are not going to become FedEx Field or Heinz Stadium!
They don't give us enough specials for that!
How could T.T. be even proposed?

Founder: I proposed T.T. because it sounds vulgar when you say it a few times. Tee tee, tee tee, get it? We had a guy on my old Fockers team nicknamed T.T. He was T.T. Focker.
Besides, where's your brilliant suggestion? Or do you just like to call people out all the time?

Wow, sure makes me want to play in DC Kickball next season. I mean every time someone disagrees with this guy he has a fit. Grow some thicker skin already! Plus, hi, you're stealing OG from NAKID - be original.

People heading to California for the WAKA playoffs (I predict 13 teams show) are starting to whine on wakakickball365. There is a "Captain's Reception" that the Kash guys are putting on the night before the games. Here are the specs:

Event: Captains ReceptionTime: 7:00pm - 9:00pmDetails: Free Concert and Beer!Exclusive WAKA concert and hosted happy hour at Mission Valley Resort San Diego! Enjoy the beautiful outdoor patio and a complimentary taco bar, beer and a PRIVATE CONCERT featuring Spencer the Gardener. Full cash bar available. Must have a ticket to be admitted. Captains and co-captains are FREE but all WAKA players can join in the fun for just $25. Purchase your tickets today.

"Hi, I'm here for beer & tacos"
I have no idea who Spencer the Gardner is, but that is the best they could do? A TWO-HOUR window for free beer for $25 dollars?? Jeez, all WAKA division parties are a better deal than that for players. Most people are pissed because captains get in free. I have a solution - MAKE ALL PLAYERS CAPTAINS. There is nothing against that in the WAKA rules. I checked. Then you can all get free beer and crappy food while listening to a sucky band for a couple of hours. I mean I know the Kash guys love money, but these people are flying cross country. Of course, they will just complain and pay, so nothing will change.

I have contemplated dressing up as Santa every week for indoor kickball, but that might be a bit much. Maybe just the last game before Christmas. That would be funny. Especially if I got drunk and passed out and some little kid woke me up.

Ok, I guess that's it for this week. I hope everyone has a great weekend. I know I will, I'm heading out on a bus filled with beer to Annapolis with a bunch of kickballers so you know that will be good!

Who says you have to pick just one?

2006-10-10T09:54:00.000-04:00

As my regular readers know, I play in a variety of kickball leagues. For some reason they are all sort of nasty about their competition. I guess it's like Pepsi going after Coke in their television ads, but it still seems a bit pointless to me. Most of the people I play kickball with couldn't care less about the business side of kickball. We just want to play. Plus, it's not really an either/or proposition when it comes to kickball.

I realize that most people have a finite amount of money to spend on fun things like kickball and so that is a factor. However, I also realize that a striking number of people join kickball, pay the money, and never show up to a single game! They basically throw their $65 (or whatever amount) away and apparently don't care. I mean, you'd think they'd at least come to get the stupid t-shirt, right? The point is, obviously the money is not all that finite if people - a lot of people - can just waste it like that.

I guess, too, their is a time factor. Most people also have a finite amount of time to spend doing leisure activities, so they may just want to choose one league to play in. However, in this area it seems like most people spend their time trying to meet other people who are like them. If I'm right about that, then it seems like joining more than one league would be the most efficient way to do that. I mean where else will you meet semi-athletic, semi-alcoholics who also enjoy playing a kid's game. Maybe Mark Foley's basement, but that's another story... and they'd all be too young.

Lastly, I guess there is the loyalty factor. As with Coke and Pepsi, and the first one you drank; there are people who probably feel some insane loyalty to the first league they joined. I call it insane because really it doesn't make any sense. Do any of these leagues have a loyalty to you? Sure you have friends and fun in the one you play with; but would you be allowed to play if you couldn't pay your registration? When you're out defending DC Kickball or NAKID to WAKA people who are shouting at you, does anyone who works for these places thank you or come over to help you? And aren't you depriving yourself, by staying true to just one league, of possibly a better kickball experience? Or at the very least the chance to hook up more?

See, she gets it!
I guess it really comes down to this, at least for me: try 'em all. One of the good things about being a kickball dork in this area is that we have several leagues to choose from. Hopefully that will make all of the leagues better, but that will only happen if many people are able to compare each of the leagues. So I hope people will do that. And I guess I'll try a Diet Pepsi today instead of Diet Coke.

The Perfect Resume

2006-10-06T11:50:00.000-04:00

There are lots of tough jobs in the country. Right now I'd put soldier in the military at the top of the list. Cops, trash guys, people who do anything related to having to be waist deep in sewage - these are timeless tough jobs. Apparently, we can add a new one to this list: WAKA Rep. The job seems easy enough from the way it is presented, but either the turnover is such or WAKA is growing so fast (this week they are back to 25,000 according to their spokesbabe) that I am constantly getting solicitations from the WAKA reps. Here is yesterday's:

Hello Kickballers,

Take your love of kickball to the next level! The World Adult Kickball Association in Phoenix currently has a need for a part time Regional Representative. An average of a 10 hour work week is required, with some evenings and weekends as necessary. You must have high speed internet access at home and be available to attend staff meetings via phone, local board meetings, games and social events. Great email communication skills and general computer knowledge are a must. Help spread the joy of kickball.

Please submit your resume and cover letter of interest to: Resume@kickball.com

Keep on kicking!

This got me thinking, "What would the ideal WAKA resume for a rep look like?" I mean the real ideal one, not the one the Kash guys would say they want. One based on my and several other players experiences and the hiring practices of the Kash guys to this point. People like the people they are and have hired in the past. I think I found it and I'd like to share:

Kickball Homer

1234 Main St

Anywhere, USA

55555

(202) 555-5555

Objective

To obtain a position where basically I don't have to do anything. I work from home and send out emails one or two days a week and then go to a bar if I feel like it. Also, a position with upward mobility that would allow me to do more of the same.

Highlights of Qualifications

Like to make puppies cry
157 on math portion of SAT
Years of drinking experience
Able to make people's lives more difficult with little effort
Often referred to as "Quintessential Company Person"
Never question authority

Work Experience

Aug 2006 - Sept 2006, Food Services Specialist - Long John Silvers

Mopped floor
Fried several foods
Overcharged customers for food
Yelled at customers when they questioned value meal prices

January 2005 - March 2005, Barista - Caribou Coffee

Hung out with friends
Overcharged customers for coffee
Made fun of customers
Made coffee

June 2004 - Aug 2004, Camp Counselor - Lake Chopamipinga

Started kickball but lost interest and never went to any games
Scheduled no social events
Overcharged kids for everything from going to camp to breathing
Yelled at the kids a lot when they question camp guidelines
Wasted a lot of space

April 2000 - January 2004, Lab Assistant - Dharma Labs

Pulled wings off flies just to watch them suffer
Did lots of medicinal marijuana to test how many brain cells it kills
Overcharged customers for all of our services
Sent out press release allowing people to use the theory of relativity

Education

2000-2006, University of Phoenix

BA in Psychology

Awards

Lazy Ass of the Year, 2000-2006
Fuzzy Math Champion, 2006
Abu Ghraib Top Torturer, 2004
Company Man of the Year, 2000, 2004

Special Notes: While I realize there are several gaps in my resume while I was attending UoP, well, math is hard. Additionally I do have a doctor's note that dictates that I cannot work more than 8 hours in a given week and none can be consecutive. I hope this does not hurt my chances of getting this great job.

References available upon request from:

Jeff Spicoli, SpongeBob Squarepants, and any of the fine profs at UoP

The flood of applicants with this sort of resume should be immediate. I'm sure the Kash guys would be happy to hire more of the same of what they already have. WAKA reps make things much more difficult for the people who actually make WAKA work - the volunteers on the board; thus torture is a good background for any potential employee. WAKA reps don't get paid much but then, based on my experience and those of many others, they don't do very much either. So really, anything they do get is like money for doing almost nothing - sorta like the Kash guys themselves.

That doesn't seem to be a difficult job at all, maybe my resume has a shot.

At least someone gets privileges

2006-10-04T11:07:00.000-04:00

I remember an American Express ad campaign that featured the "Membership has privileges" slogan as its centerpiece. Being in kickball can kind of be like that. When you go to the bar with a bunch of other sweaty alcoholics after games and people not with the league try to infiltrate their is an immediate "they are not one of us" mentality that takes over. It's good in some ways, it keeps the unwanteds off of the females and it helps to give people a sense of belonging. Not so good because it is often the genesis of beer muscle fights. But what other privileges are there?

Well, cheap beer is one. Due to the vast amounts of crappy beer consumed, kickballers get a nice reduction in pitcher prices at most bars. Usually there are food and rail drink specials as well. DC Kickball and NAKID have also gotten some non-rail drink specials.

Cheap or free parties three times a season is another. It's nice to be able to pay either nothing (my preference, as NAKID does) or little (as WAKA and DC Kickball do) and be able to drink for usually 3-4 hours. Non-members always have to pay more. So that's another privilege.

However, in looking over the three main leagues in DC one should have a huge advantage over the others in privileges - via partnerships - than the others. I speak of course of the Kash guys and WAKA. One of the major draws for belonging to a "national organization" is that they usually offer far greater benefits than smaller competing places. This should especially be true if the organization going to charge you more to belong to it. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

Looking over the Kash guy's sponsor list I see Mikasa, the guys who provide their kickballs. That sponsorship doesn't make the kickballs any cheaper to buy through WAKA. In fact, if you buy a WAKA kickball in a store it's actually cheaper than buying it on their website. No privileges there. Game Time Travel is another sponsor. Any looking on Expedia or Travelocity though will usually get you cheaper rates than they (called Lame Time by some 'ballers) find you. Not much of a privilege.

Next I find SimplyShonika.com. Umm, ok. I click on it and you have to fill out a form to find out what the discount is. I'm sure Shonika is a fine person, but this seems like those damn faxes I get incessantly offering me great discounts if I buy through them instead a real Cingular dealer. Shady to say the least. I'm not sure much cheaper than if I negotiated a deal on my own. And actually, it doesn't tell you what she actually does on her site. Creepy privileges there. Last there is someone named Amy Walsh who has a company named Kickball Media Works. I have no idea what she does. I think they bought kickball.com from her and promised to giver a link. Only privilege is for Amy there.

Oh yeah, there is also Miller Light, the sponsor beer in DC. Well, we all get privileges from that one, as I mentioned before.

I thought about this because I got an email from a WAKA rep that sent me a flier:

I thought, "Well, this is something". Except it only works if you are going with someone. It will save me $5, which is a beer and a tip. Beggars can't be choosers though so it's okay. Then I went on the Lindy Promo website and found their flier:

Hmm. Okay, so if I go alone and use the Lindy flier I save money and I can pre-register and not have to wait in line. I wondered why this part was left off the WAKA flier. Then it dawned on me: Use the WAKA flier, that Kash guys get a kickback. Register online and save yourself some time and money and they get nothing. Same thing with Shonika, they get a cut. I called Game Time, same thing there too.

At least they stayed true to the beer sponsor and removed the Bud and Bud Light logos from the flier, though they are still pimping a competing beer. I wonder if this will impact the amount they get from Miller Lite next year...

I don't begrudge the Kash guys making money, but how about negotiating sponsorships that actually benefit customers too? Like some place to be cleats or knee high socks. I have detailed before why they can't get national sponsorships with Nike, et al. but something with all of their alleged kickball might would be nice. What's the sense of playing more money to be a "World Kickball Champion" if you can't at least get something out of it?

But then, the Kash guys do get theirs. I guess our membership does get privileges - just not for us.

Beer makes everything better

2006-10-02T11:15:00.000-04:00

I have to say that I don't really think of kickball as a sport but rather a game. Some people may dispute this and that's fine but I think there is a fine line between the two. In sports, teams generally stay pretty angry with each other or have grudge matches that build up over time. A game is just, well, a game. It ends and it's over. I was reminded of they kickball is just a game again yesterday.

I played in one game where all was going well and we were on our way to spanking the team we played. Not much controversy throughout the game (except that the refs kept tossing a football around during the game). The last inning though the team we were playing started getting heated. They were saying stuff to my captain and acting like jerks. I assumed it was frustration due to losing.

Later my friend was officiating a game where one of the teams questioned all of his ball/strike calls. foul calls, everything. I know a little about baseball and I know that those calls are judgment calls, and the same is true in kickball. Yes, there are general parameters, but each ump has their own zone that they call. That's just the way it is. But this team was relentless and just kept hounding the poor guy.

I realize that during a game everyone gets competitive and angry and whatnot, and that's understandable. I think that what people have to remember though, is that umpires do not get paid in kickball. They are just players - and not like everyone else - they are willing to stay later or arrive earlier to take the inevitable questioning of their calls and name calling that accompanies this joy. It's for this reason I believe that people who are willing to be head refs throughout the season should play for free.

This will insure better and more consistent officiating and at the same time make it better for the masochists who are willing to do it. Also, they should get at least a pitcher of beer each week at the bar. Again., I mean this for the head refs, not just everybody. I think that would be nice. To my knowledge no league in this area does that now.

Thankfully, the teams who were being loud and overly obnoxious on the field yesterday recognized that they were being dumb. The team we played apologized to my captain, to which he said thanks and he didn't take it personally. And the team whining about the umpire came up to him after the game and admitted they were being jerks and apologized. And that was the right thing to do in both cases.

That's why going to the bar after games is so important. Beer has a great effect on clearing ones mind when it comes to being overly competitive in kickball. Boo sports grudges. Hooray beer!

Take a few bites from the brownie

2006-09-29T13:11:00.000-04:00

I am a person who will try pretty much anything - twice. My philosophy on this is that a one time sampling can be misleading. The Girl Scouts have a similar idea called something like brownie biting, where you have to try things three times. I like these ideas because it gives you a better idea of what things are all about. And that's the philosophy I am going to use for indoor kickball this winter.

Last year a friend of mine asked me to play on his indoor kickball team with District Sports, which I chronicled - somewhat - here. To say the least, it left me wanting. While the price was nice, just $35, you got basically your money's worth. The sponsor bar was abysmal featuring: Balkan Dancing, Whiny Bitchass Poetry Night, and was crowded with rude psudo-hippies and wannabe beatniks. There was no room for flip cup and we were not treated well. It's fine if that's what you want your bar to be, but then don't sponsor kickball!

The "parties" were basically happy hour special drink prices. The food specials at the bar weren't that good. The school we played in was Cardozo High School - not exactly the best. Water dripping from the ceiling, lead paint chips all around, and asbestos falling every time the ball struck anything. The flip cup tournament was run poorly too. The guy who ran it was nice enough, he was just clueless when it came to kickballers.

So now NAKID attempts indoor kickball this winter accoring to Sideshow Bob's craigslist stalking. I am intrigued. I checked out the rules and they seem fun and similar to the District Sports ones. The bar is the same as the the one we currently go to so I am assuming that will be good. Hopefully they will make some improvements on the things I have mentioned here that need help and things will go well.

I like indoor kickball because it's generally looser than spring and fall kickball and it's a great way to meet people from across the kickball landscape. I met many other WAKA and DC Kickball people last winter and hope that continues over this season.

At least I know there won't be any Balkan Dancing* at the bar...

*Kickball Homer has nothing against the Balkans or the Balkanese people or their style of dance, I just don't want it to get in the way of flip cup.

Sometimes, we all CAN get along

2006-09-27T13:01:00.000-04:00

It's an old saying in radio and such that less than 1 percent of your audience will ever respond. Most of the time when people do it's to tell you how wrong you are or how much of an ass you are making of yourself for something you have said. I assume blogging is much the same way. As I have chronicled and the comments show, most of the responses I get are from people telling me that they disagree with me. And that's okay by me, I appreciate people writing and reading at all! Further, I don't need validation from people on my opinions, everyone has their own and basically, in the end I'm right anyway.

Last night though I had a rare experience - a number of people I talked to actually agreed with me. Some of them had read KITC and were using it to reference things and only one person their knew I was Kickball Homer. It was kinda cool. We were at our usual NAKID (Tuesday is NAKID kickball) kickball bar and here are some of the things I heard:

I am really glad that they moved the game times back after one week. Last season we played with WAKA and had to pay extra money for fields with lights and they never turned the lights on. At least here they listen.

I love that there are always things going on to pick from. You can really see that the money goes back into the league.

I play in both WAKA and DC Kickball and I like this league the best. It just seems so well organized.

Why would I ever go back to WAKA, so I can be treated like crap again?

There are a few more but I get sick from the sugary sweetness already. In addition, a number of people have thanked the guy who started it for starting the league at all. I think that's nice and am sure he is glad to hear it but I hope it doesn't swell his head too much. And it's not like there are no problems.

There is one guy who refs for them who has power issues. I mean last night in one of the games a ref came over to try to help the guy out (he was officiating a game by himself) and he shooed the guy away. It took a player from one of the teams playing to point out that they are supposed to have at least two refs for the guy to relent. This guy has reffed a few of my games too and does have some serious issues with control.

I have also mentioned that the registration is a bit of a hassle and I don't like that captains can't email their teams via the website. Also, it seems as though some people get randomly placed on teams (I know this is unavoidable BUT) without regard to whether they will fit in or not. I know a few people who are on teams that never go to the bar, while they go all the time. Maybe next season they can have a team profile or something so people joining alone have an idea of where they would fit best. However, it is my favorite league of all of them in the area and I am glad to see that other people who have had experience in other leagues feel the same way.

Of course everyone in France thinks Jerry Lewis is a genius sooo, we could all be wrong? But I don't think so.

Like Mr T. said...

2006-09-25T12:55:00.000-04:00

Ok this is getting ridiculous. I know that many of the people who read my ramblings and ravings play in DC Kickball. I have written things here, some praising and some paddling, DC Kickball in an effort to make it better. The guy who started it takes everything personally. Until now nothing has been meant personally. Until now...

Open letter to the DC Kickball Founder Carter Rabasa:

Hi Carter, this is Kickball Homer. Do me a favor please and stop acting like a jackass and get the WAKA ads off of your Legal Defense Fund page. Seriously dude, you have raised $10 so far and I'm not sure why. You claim to be representing and fighting for "indy" kickball, yet you advertise for the guys suing you. Further, the only way you get money from the google ads is when people actually click on them. So I am going to help you make money right now by clicking on the WAKA ad which will take me to their site. There they state that they need to protect everyone from you (well not you directly, but you know who they mean) by using intellectual property laws to sue you.

I wrote about this, not directly to you, last week and the ads went away; now they are back. So, I am writing to you directly as a paying customer of your league because while I think your fighting WAKA is noble, you can't advertise for them at the same time. If you want money from me in addition to my registration fee, you have to be smarter than this. It is appalling that you are STILL advertising for them.

If you continue to put ads for them up on your site, I have to draw the conclusion that you only care about money. When you initially started the league I don't think it was the case, but if this continues what other conclusion can I draw? And if you're the same as them then don't bother fighting the lawsuit, just fold up and go to school in Texas early. That would be a sad thing, but what's the point?

Just take the damn ads down already Carter. You look like a fool, and not one worthy of pity, but rather scorn.

Sincerely,

Kickball Homer

Don't forget to cover up!

2006-09-22T10:03:00.000-04:00

It's party season again in kickball as many of the leagues I play in reach the midway point in the schedule, the parties start to roll out. I don't know if it's me or not, but it seems that the parties are less and less good. That the price seems to be relatively the same for me and my friends to go (anywhere from $5-$20) but the time frames, days of the week, and specials are not so, well, special.

I want to be clear here - I am assessing no blame whatsoever to the volunteers who put these things together. I have done it in the past and know it is no easy task. Basically, you have to go to a bar and promise a certain number of people will show and then beg for an open bar special. Most of them want you to come in when no one's there, but um, that doesn't work. So the price goes up and the volunteer has to haggle. Then, finally, they get a decent price. No help from reps for the leagues or league owners and it sucks. Because these volunteers don't have the time or the savvy in many cases to get the best deal. And if the founders or reps would help, they could throw their weight around. But they don't.

Also, the budgets for three parties in most of my leagues are from $5,000-8,000 (I'm rounding here) which may should like a lot but really isn't. Assuming 200 people will show at a party if you do the math that's about $9 per person the low end and $14 per person on the high end. Most places want to charge at least $20 per person, so the divisions have to charge players. And that sucks.

Here are a few of the parties that have been scheduled recently in the Kash guys league:

**Mid-season Party @ 18th Amendment**When: Saturday, Sept 16th (Time: 8:00 PM -11:00 PM) for $5 (DC Stars) & $15 (guests) All you can drink beer and wine!

Reminder to everyone that the mid-season party is tomorrow night, Friday, September 22 from 6- 11 PM at Adams Mill Bar and Grill.Here's the details....Party specifics: 3 kegs $4.00 Rail Drink Specials $5.00 Kickball Food Specials Specials end at 11pm $5 admission for kickball players and $10 for guests

In addition to these, the ones in California are a total joke as they boast just Happy Hour specials and a small portion of free food as a "party". I mean, a Friday night party with just 3 kegs? Again, I am not blaming the volunteers but it's no wonder that turnout in many division's parties that I have gone to has been around 100 - out of 416 people! In fact Sideshow Bob says that the turnout at one division's party was so bad they didn't even put one picture of it in their GMOT. But I have a solution...

I think that the volunteers on the various division board should just have house parties. Seriously. A keg is not more than $200, so for $1500-2000 for each party you could get 6 or 7 kegs and still have money for chips and stuff. I think this would increase turnout. Finding a place that someone has that can hold 100-200 people shouldn't be that difficult (as long as they rotate out). Put on some music, have a little dance area and people can dance in shifts.

Or if the person has a big house it can be like one of those parties in the 80s movies where everyone had a big house and huge parties with like 1,000 people! Like in Weird Science, Sixteen Candles, or Pretty in Pink. Just make sure no one tp's your trees. Or puts bras on their heads by your computer. That would be cool and fun!

Or you can avoid all of this by trying other leagues, I play in one where the parties are free and no work has to be done. But of course those of you married to your current leagues won't and others will write and tell me I am a schill for NAKID guys - and maybe I am but that doesn't make it any less true. That's fine, just make sure you cover the sofa with plastic before the End of Season parties!

PS Congrats to the DC Kickball guy on finally, after two days, removing the Kash guys ad from his legal defense fund page.

When Google Ads go Bad

2006-09-20T22:00:00.000-04:00

Normally, I wait until the morning to post, but this is too insane. I will echo some of the comments by Sideshow Bob in the last blog posting, buit have to add a few of my own. And really, DC Kickball founder, if you make it this easy what else can I do?

I get an email from the founder telling me the other day that he keeps less of the money from kickball than I thought. This is a little like coming in late to work and then arguing with your boss that you were only 15 minutes late when she said you were 20 minutes late. Um, you're still in the wrong - and that was the case with him.

Now, he wants me and other kickballers to give him additional monies to cover his court fees. Why not use some of the money that you are NOT returning to kickballers for parties for that? In part, I do understand doing this - I want him to win - but also, based on our last exchange this seems a little out of place.

Then as I scan the letter that accompanies his new legal defense fund page on his blog I see nothing much. I need money there are costs. Ok Ok I'm thinking. Then I look to the left of the page where there are Google ads (by the way, clicking on these ads helps generate money for the cash-needing founder). I freeze. "What in the name of all that is HOLY!" I think. I call Sideshow and tell Sideshow to open the page. Same thing. An ad for WAKA ON THE F'N LEGAL DEFENSE FUND PAGE!!!

So after reading how he needs to fight WAKA and he needs my money to do that, he is helping to advertise for them?! Is this the Twilight Zone? I realize he doesn't control the Google ads. But can't you code into them keywords with parameters like "kickball not WAKA"?? Seriously, is this some kind of bad joke? Money can't be so important to the DC Kickball founder that he would advertise for the guys suing him, can it?

Otherwise I can just click on the WAKA ad to help the DC Kickball guy get a few cents for his defense fund. Mr. Founder, just take the Google ads down, it looks bad.

Are you kidding me?

2006-09-20T20:34:00.000-04:00

No doubt Homer will have more to say about this. But I couldn't wait for his commentary because I just can't believe what I'm reading.

DCKickball has started a Legal Defense Fund, says the site: The DCKickball Legal Defense Fund was created to provide an opportunity for people and organizations who care about protecting the rights of independent kickball league across the U.S. to operate without interference or intimidation.

Perhaps the founder should go back to his day job instead of asking for hand outs. What's next? Throwing on some ragged, smelly clothes outside and panhandling outside Caribou Coffee until 7, then switching back into some fashionably vintage-looking tee and partying it up at Tom Tom?

Kickball friends, put your money to better use. Support your sponsor bar and treat your hard-working bartenders to a shot or two.

Grotesque is in the eye of the beholder

2006-09-19T09:47:00.000-04:00

I received this email from the founder of DC Kickball and figured it was only right to share it with my readers. It read "latest factual error" in the subject line:

"
In fact, now 25 percent of the money left over goes to the division for the party. That's only 5 percent more than the Kash guys!" I know you don't care about accuracy, but you really amaze me. WAKA (in divisions I know about) provides $12/head for a Division's budget. DCKickball provides $20/head. That puts us up 66%.

I find your whole blog grotesque. It's about as even-handed as FOX news. And what's worse, every time I have to meet
with my lawyers to deal with developments in WAKA's lawsuit, I'm reminded of the pettiness that pervades "indy" kickball in DC, both in its practioners and many of its players.

I'm sure you'll pass this around, post it, or just have fun behind your anonymity. But you can't even begin to realize how ifficult you make it desirable for someone like me to keep doing what I'm doing,despite what you imagine to be fantastic financial rewards. Regardless of your connections to other kickball leagues, you are at worst grossly mistaken about much of what you say, or a malicious liar. I hope you continue to enjoy
picking on DCKickball.

If I am incorrect about the money allotted to the divisions for parties then I apologize. I do recall when checking out DC Kickball to register that there was something posted about 25% going back to the divisions, but it may have stated $20. If so, I was mistaken about the amount. However, what I was not mistaken about was this statement by the league's founder "Once all costs are accounted for (insurance, equipment, overhead, etc), all money is directed to the 'party' account." is not true anymore, and that is according to him.

I do want to address this issue of my anonymity which some people seem to think is something bad. Please note the tone in emails and comments that I receive. Imagine what it would be like if people knew who I was. Maybe they would talk less openly to me, maybe they wouldn't talk to me at all, and that wouldn't be much fun. Plus, it's kinda funny that while he calls me out on mine, a link here on his page goes to another kickball blog that also is anonymous. I guess you can only be anonymous if you write nice things.

With regard to finding my whole blog "grotesque", everyone is entitled to think whatever they want. And to not read my blog, nor link to it on their site. I'm sure the other leagues have problems with what I write as well. That's too bad. I am free to write about my experiences with all of the leagues I play in. I don't like having to pay for parties during the season after paying a fee to play. What I think is grotesque is stating that a league will be run to give all the money back to the players and then not living up to that.

Finally, I am not picking on DC Kickball. Nor am I picking on WAKA, NAKID, or District Sports. I write this blog to share some of my kickball experiences and to try to make the people who run leagues, as volunteers or founders, hear some of the concerns of kickballers. If it's things they can't handle or don't want to hear maybe they should quit. After all I am sure that Mr. Founder has said much the same, if not worse, things about other leagues. Maybe I am "grossly mistaken" that the people who run leagues in DC actually care what their players think.

So, if I was wrong, I apologize readers. Sometimes I do make mistakes.

Everything is great - in theory

2006-09-18T12:16:00.000-04:00

Ah, humble beginnings... Sideshow Bob did some dork searching this weekend and dug up some interesting items from the archives of a season gone by in the DC Kickball scene. And I do mean DC Kickball, not just kickball in DC. It seems that there were some admirable thoughts from the league's founder in the not so distant past and in a place not so far from here. But we all know that even the road to kickball Hell is paved with good intentions.

I submit from the founder's blog archives:

DCKickball Manifesto What would the perfect kickball league be like, if you were building it from scratch and could learn from the past?

A noble start and very understated. Here are some of the ideals for the founder's perfect kickball league:

Reward Volunteers People who volunteer to help run the league play for free. That's the least a league could do. This applies to board members, team captains, and season-long referees.

Communication Create a website to effectively communicate important information: The current week, game match-ups (locations/times) Results from past weeks Maps/directions to fields News/blog BB boards Set-up listserves for all relevant entities in the league: the captains the board each team

FUN! Priority #1 is to reach an agreement with a bar over drink/food specials for kickball players.
Having tables set-up in advance is a plus. Once all costs are accounted for (insurance, equipment, overhead, etc), all money is directed to the "party" account. Three parties (pre/mid/post) are probably sufficient. Insufficient attention has been paid towards making the happy hours more fun. This will be rectified.

I play in DC Kickball and think it is fair, a year and a half after this post, to see how it has help up to its original manifesto. Let's keep in mind that at the time, DC Kickball was a non-profit and since has been turned into a business. I think that matters.

Reward Volunteers: the original concept was a clear departure from WAKA, where the founder of DC Kickball served as uncompensated division president. From speaking board members they do play for free but the season long refs I'm not sure do. If someone has info to the contrary please let me know.

Communication: The website does tell you where you are playing, when, and the times but are not particularly attractive. If there is a team listserve for captains to communicate to players, none of mine have ever used it. As we know from past entries there was an interactive blog that since a few posts from me here has been shutdown and is used now just for announcements. Their now is a league message board that you have to be pre-approved to be on and if you disagree with anything you are usually flamed quickly.

Fun: This is the second (after communication) if not MOST important aspect for many kickball players - is the league fun? I think it's difficult to say that most are not. However there were certain goals in mind for the beginning of DC Kickball. The first, "... reach an agreement with a bar over drink/food specials for kickball players" was acheived. The second, "Once all costs are accounted for (insurance, equipment, overhead, etc), all money is directed to the 'party' account", may have been the case in season one but has not been this year. In fact, now 25 percent of the money left over goes to the division for the party. That's only 5 percent more than the Kash guys!

The third, "Three parties (pre/mid/post) are probably sufficient" has been upheld. You do get three parties and also a flip cup tournament. The last, "Insufficient attention has been paid towards making the happy hours more fun. This will be rectified" To my knowledge there has been no schedule for happy hours officially from DC Kickball. I don't know why, I guess it's just not a priority. Thus, this has been a failure.

I think overall out of these three goals, the first is half achieved, the second half achieved, and the third half achieved. Thus in my ranking of leagues DC Kickball rates about the Kash guys one because they are cheaper and they do give 5 percent more back to parties. But that's not saying much.

It seems that in the beginning the founder had the right idea - let's make a league that's player friendly, fun, and less expensive and better than WAKA. As a non-profit this goal seems to have been met. Since it has been made a business though it has become WAKA jr. - smaller scale, a little cheaper, a little more given back. He makes the money, kickballers do the work - sound familiar? At least the volunteers get to play for free.

That's hardly the "ideal kickball league" he was going for. But then, Communism is good in theory too.

Thanks for your generosity

2006-09-15T11:51:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow could be the greatest day in the history of the country! Okay, maybe that's overstating it a bit. But it's not overstating it to say that children in playgrounds, gym teachers, and adult kickballers will have their lives made better tomorrow. Okay, that's a bit much too. Let's just say that tomorrow, sanity takes over the Kash guys minds for once.

As of tomorrow, the WAKA kickball rules will be FREE for people to use. That's right! No longer do people have to cower in fear at possibly infringing on their "copyrighted" rules. They have been oh so generous to this point, as they state:

WAKA has always provided free license to schools, parks, charities, and other select organizations...

Odd because just a year or so ago they charged DC Kickball with using trade secrets including the rules in their frivolous lawsuit. Maybe they've just had a change of heart. Or maybe they realize that, incredibly I know, they didn't create kickball nor its rules. Maybe they realize that trying to sue people for using a red ball and putting bases out and then kicking a ball is not something you can actually copyright.

Now, other leagues have had a share alike agreement with users of their rules as long as they are given credit for the use of the rules. WAKA has always believed you should pay them. In fact, WAKA a few years ago they made it so that you could not even print out the rules - EVEN THOUGH YOU DID PAY THEM AND WERE PLAYING WITH WAKA! Maybe no one was willing to pay them and still - gasp - were able to form leagues and play anyway with their own rules. Or maybe, as their PR piece states:

...WAKA is happy to take these extra steps toward upholding its original mission statement to "provide and promote the joy of kickball to those young at heart".

Although it seems to me that the "extra steps" were: making it impossible to download the rules, suing people, and copyrighting the rules. It also seems to me that if one was providing and promoting "the joy of kickball" one would not be suing other people or threatening them with lawsuits. But that's just me.

Fear not though, the Kash guys have trademarked the term "World Kickball Champions" and now "New American Pastime" - I guess I owe them money now, I wish I had a Kash register sound effect. So they won't be poor.

Also, the latest press release boasts 25,000 players. It's been quite a year for the Kash guys - up and down wise. Tiffany, one of their spokesman, stated they had 50,000 in a CBS interview. An earlier statement from them stated 10-15,000 - and now they've reached 25,000. I wonder what the next number will be - apparently it's anyone's guess!

I'll credit the newer leagues and the independents for forcing the Kash guys' hand on this one. They tried to bleed even more money out of people to use their rules and it didn't work. What's more, neither did their threats. If people want to play a game, they will, and that's what the WAKA guys learned here.

No word on whether they are copyrighting the use of t-shirts to play in or rubber bases yet, so stay tuned. Maybe the next press release will boldly proclaim:

WAKA ANNOUNCES "FREE KICKBALL AIR" FOR ALL

That would be so nice of them - letting us breathe their air...

Warning: This Message is Not WAKA Approved

2006-09-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

We all know the old adage about being careful what you wish for blah blah. Well I recently had a chance to see this in action in kickball on two separate occasions on what I will now refer to as WAKAkickball365.com. First, the first...

Some brand spanking new shiny faced WAKA Rep out of the Boston area has been all over the message board above talking to WAKA players. He started a thread for people who want "Have your voice heard" to WAKA where he was soliciting ways to improve the Kash guys league. He came up with a list that consisted of:

More visibility by WAKA reps, and more consistency. At least one regional tournament in Washington, DC. Make national tournaments larger, and more accessible, but consider allowing at-large teams in for a fee. Use KB365 Power Rankings for tournament seedings. Regional Social Director positions. More social programming during off-seasons. Have all divisions in the same region share a Mid-Season Party and an End-of-Season Party. More / better communication of changes to players. Better rewards for board members. Better support from national level for board members.

Some of them matter to most kickballers, some of them wouldn't. Frankly, using some poll to establish dominance in kickball is like asking 7 year olds who is the best at playing jacks - neither matter. A check of these things shows that very few are actually enforcable. More visibility? Does that mean we take pics of the WAKA rep to show he was there? Better support from board members, more communication of changes to players? More than what? Better than whom? Make tournaments larger? How does one do that exactly (they invited ALL WAKA teams)?

In addition the other ones like better rewards for board members and more social programming don't address the key problem: Those of us that volunteer have real jobs that we have to do. Why can't WAKA reps, like Mr. Bright Shiny Face run the divisions and plan off-season activities? Remember, they have to be WAKA approved too because if you do something with another group they will get mad (as I learned from NAKID).

Another guy who is so in love with WAKA that I hope they take him to breakfast every morning put most of the emphasis for reforms on players! He writes:

To the other readers -- do JSB a favor and be more specific -- you're likely to get the founders saying, "oh, more beer, less dues, more games, everyone says that -- blah, blah, blah." Think about specific ways the goals can be accomplished.

So, I added my two cents to the discussion:

I find it interesting Lost Sage that you note here that the impetus is on the players to come up with specific ways to respond to issues. Excuse me, but those of us who pay the money should not then also have to tell these people HOW to fix the problems that we encounter. That's their job. I have not read one single post that read "more beer, lower dues" or anything similarly trite. I guess this is your way of being funny. And on your marketing idea, that was addressed pointedly in another post and your lack of a response, which you usually have no problem coming up with, spoke volumes.

Equally interesting is that none of the suggestions on Kickball in the City are addressed by JSB. Like for instance, giving a little back to consumers in the way of sharing benefits, allowing free membership for WAKA champions in the next season, sporadic rules changes arbitrarily decided by presidents, and some others by other posters dealing with the quality of shirts and other issues. While "listening and being more visible" is great as a missions statement, it is hardly enforcable. Real change would be implementing something tangible for customers of WAKA.

To which the WAKA rep wrote back:

I'm not sure who you are, Kickballhomer, because I haven't read any of your prior posts. However, I put out a specific call to action for WAKA players to give their suggestions on bettering the user experience - not for people to direct me to a separate blog, or whatever Kickball in the City is. If you have a few ideas on KBitC that you'd like to see implemented, then great, bring them here. But to say that you "find it interesting" that I haven't addressed any points from a completely separate website which is unaffiliated with KB365 or WAKA... that's ludicrous. Either help shape the WAKA user experience for the better or don't, but don't call me out for not seeking out every single kickball blog.

Got it Mr. Bright Shiny Face. Only the 10 or so people who post regularly on a message board will get their ideas considered, no outside input need apply. Hmm, I wonder if Don Rumsfeld has relatives up in the Boston area... Hey, Mr. BSF if you click here you could win a million dollars. Oh right, you don't read outside interests, sorry about that. Gee that's certainly the attitude that will get more people to join WAKA and is a great example of how he will put those reforms to work himself. You know Mr. BSF, we DO pay your salary.

Then in another section someone outside of WAKA dared post on a topic on the message board that billed itself, and so I believed it was, NOT a Kash guys only thing only to get this response:

If you are a Nakid Parrot head, than go to Nakid's web site and talk to them....or aka better know as people who care! This point has been run into the ground......this is a WAKA web site, so that makes all of this site and all of the boards my domain. No one really cares what Nakid thinks about bunting on this site......

Granted, this post came from a guy who is all about being a four or five time WAKA champ and how this fills his life with glee, joy, and meaning. And who then states that his team will beat anyone anywhere in kickball (Hey, I know a bunch of fourth graders who would love to take you up on that since it seems to mean about as much to them as it does to you because, you know, they don't have real lives yet) and that he is proud to be with a national organization. Good for you man, you told her!

Someone later posted it's not a Kash guys website, but de facto that is what it has become. Outside interests need not enter. All hail the Kash guys, they can do no wrong so you cannot tell us we did. Maybe they should change their logo to those three monkeys... Speak no WAKA ill, See No WAKA ill, Say No WAKA ill*. With attitudes like the two above, the Neanderthal mentality leaves them not that far up the evolutionary ladder.

*Except on our approved message board and you better have specific ways to fix problems and you better not play for another league and you better have paid your registration. Then fill this form out in triplicate, submit it to Mr. BSF and we will consider thinking about it at our next meeting.

A Day to Reflect

2006-09-11T10:45:00.000-04:00

Today, I don't know, I've been crying all morning and kickball and almost everything seems unimportant. September 11th always has this effect on me, even 5 years later. I really don't understand the people who say they are not really effected by it or they didn't know anyone effected. 3,000 people died. 3,000 people who lived in the same country as you, were at work just like you, and didn't do anything but live their lives that day. I don't understand it.

Here's how I found out:

I have a friend who was working at a brokerage firm in New Jersey. I was running late for work that day. I was awakened by his message on my answering machine telling me that the first tower had been hit by a plane and no one knew what was going on. I turned on the television thinking that it was just a crash, got in the shower and was ready to go to catch the bus. Then the second tower was hit and I knew something was going on. I wasn't going to go to work. It's a good thing too. The bus would have left me at the Pentagon metro station just about the time the plane slammed in there. The windows in my apartment, about 6.5 miles from the Pentagon, shook like they were going to break. I thought the country was being attacked all over. I went to the vigil at the Capitol and gave out small flags to people. It was quiet with some people singing, but most people I think just still in shock.

Much like everyone else, I felt angry, sad, and helpless. Work was closed for about a month. I decided to go volunteer at the Red Cross by helping to load supplies into a warehouse and then onto the trucks to send to people. The outpouring of support from people was amazing. People would drive up with their car, SUV, or truck full, give us the stuff, and asked what we needed more of - then some would come back within an hour. It still makes me marvel out how great Americans are.

About a month later I was at Ground Zero. It was still ash covered and smelled of smoke. It was a giant hole in the ground with remnants of the towers still there. Cards and hand made signs from people searching for their loved ones were everywhere. There was a line of NYFD and NYPD shirts, signs of support, and other mementos across the street along that little red church that faces the site. It still gets me today. All the signs of people hoping to find their families, they were everywhere. That little Police station thing in Times Square was covered with them; drawings, pictures, and contact info.

If you haven't been there, you need to go before they build whatever they are building there. I think it's everyone's duty to pay respect to all of those people who died just for being Americans. And for all of the people who gave their lives helping to save others.

Then tell me it didn't effect you.

Things that make you go hmmm

2006-09-09T07:46:00.000-04:00

I realize that running a kickball league is probably not too easy. People like me and others claim to have all the answers and are usually offering them to whomever will listen and that just adds to the difficulty. So unlike many others, I am not one of the people that think it's a crime to make money from people who play kickball. I mean people make money off of kids playing Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders and no one complains. I also realize that running a league gets those people certain perks from beer companies, bars, and other partners and I'm okay with that too. Having stated this, a post on kickball365 caught my attention:

The NAKID season is two weeks old and has given away two sets of Redskins tickets on the 45 yard line for games later this season. Sunday NAKID is raffling off two SETS of Redskins Opening Night tickets. The drawings are free to all NAKIDs. My question is, how can it be that NAKID has 4 pairs of tickets to raffle off with a smaller number of players than WAKA and being newer than DC Kickball and neither of these groups have EVER raffled anything like this off for free? Makes one think maybe the goodies are staying at the top while once again the players pay the bills.

Oh, but I forgot, you can go to WAKA night at the DC United for $18 and if 300 people show up they will put WAKA's name on the scoreboard. Oh, and broomball Caps games. That's true.

Having played for many seasons, I do not recall a time when any of my leagues before offered free tickets to the Redskins. Many times as a division president in WAKA I bought things with division money to raffle away for charity - but never received anything like that from them for free. Although as a president you are invited to a limo ride on the bar owners where they take you on a bar crawl - for free. But that doesn't benefit everyone. And we do get bumper stickers from WAKA. I wonder why we get nothing from DC Kickball; I mean how much can a sticker cost? And it's free advertising!

In any event, I hope that this cool promotion from NAKID will lead the others to follow suit and use some of their (in WAKA's case for sure) vast influence to give back some to its players. We know you're not going to give any money back or reduce your cost guys, so how about sharing some of those perks you get? Hmmm?

The Potted Meat of DC Kickballers?

2006-09-07T12:56:00.000-04:00

Ah Spam, the potted lunch meat of champions. I actually like Spam a little. It's not that bad and if you pile other stuff on it it's actually ok. It's huge in Hawaii, where some restaurants even have it on the menu. This is thanks to the GIs who were stationed there and made to eat it. But alas, I write today about another form that's not so loved: Kickball blogoshpere spam.

Dictionary.com defines spam as: Unsolicited e-mail, often of a commercial nature, sent indiscriminately to multiple mailing lists, individuals, or newsgroups; junk e-mail. In reviewing some of the comments on my last post. I'm not sure that they meet the requirements to be spam as defined here; but they are certainly in the neighborhood. So I created Kickball blogosphere spam as a new term to define these.

Normally when I post something negative about one of the groups I play in I get a few emails, usually anonymous, that have several curse words in them and I don't post those. You want to be a tough guy and write that stuff, leave your name. Most of the time though they are fairly funny and germane to the topic so I approve them. That's how it goes for WAKA and NAKID anyway. DC Kickball though, operates on another level.

DC Kickball must have a scout that reads my post and radios back to the base camp, "Code Red we have a negative email, send in the troops" and then the comments come in. Not only that, but based on stat counter, there is then an email sent out that must encourage readers to post a message (and give them examples) because within minutes of those being read, there are more comments. And unlike with the other groups, they are always oddly similar. Note:

I personally thought the trophy was quite awesome and original. Perfect to be displayed at a KICKBALL event. Real trophies can be for real sporting events- like Bocce :) I kid I kid.

Those were the best and funniest trophies I had ever seen. Who cares about a fancy trophy? More thought probably went into the homemade trophy than simply buying one from a store. In the end, we play KICKBALL. A goofy "sport" deserves a goofy trophy.

personally, I dig the homemade trophy. Having won a waka division wal-mart trophy in a previous year and having won a homemade trophy with accompanying bar tab, I can tell you my team had a lot more fun fighting over who was taking home the spray painted masterpiece. Shiny, sparkly and completely stupid. It was totally perfect for a kickball trophy.

For what its worth, I like the goofy homemade trophy. It seems, well, more suitable for the sport. Having won a waka division trophy in a previous year, and having won another such silly trophy, I can tell you that our team members fought much more over ownership of the dopey trophy. And enjoyed the accompanying bar gift certificate. Really, we'd rather the drinks and homemade fun than a cheap $20 wholesale trophy.

Now, gentle readers, I like getting comments - but please. These all came within minutes of one another and are strikingly similar, no? I especially like the two that emphasize KICKBALL with all caps. And the two that specifically use the word "goofy" though I did not in my post. And the mention of having had a bar tab and trophies from WAKA. Maybe it's a coincidence, and maybe Spam will win food of the year.

In the future fellow DC Kickballers, just use a little more originality when posting. I understand you like the league and that's fine. Hey, none of you mentioned my praise for DC Kickball for the lighting issue which means I'm a fan too, just gimme a break. It's a little pathetic. Much like the Catholic church still reciting the Lord's Prayer (you guys know that was supposed to be an example of a prayer, not an actual one, right?), these comments are clearly cookie cutter. Next time have the scout leave some spots blank like in Mad Libs so you can add some of your own thoughts.

Leave the Spam to Hormel - or at least make them the sponsor meat for DC Kickball and get something out of it. Spamburgers all around!

Chocolate covered kudos

2006-09-05T10:10:00.000-04:00

Complaints from kickballers rarely get listened to. Whether it's because the HMFICs don't care or because they just view us as drunken piles of money I don't know. So when complaints are addressed, I believe kudos are in order. Or at least, as in this case, partial kudos.

DC Kickball last fall experienced many problems due to poor planning. Some games were called off after three innings due to lighting issues. Game start times had to be moved up. Many DC Kickballers were left angry - and some just left. The founder of the league though, has heeded the words of his customers in this case and decided to act, witness this post from him:

For anyone who played kickball last Fall, you know how rough things can get as the sun starts setting earlier and earlier. Games getting moved up to 6:15pm, games being shortened to 3 innings, you get the picture.
So this Fall we decided to do something about this. Starting Week 4, we will be moving to Stead Park (map).
Stead Park is located near the corner of 17th and P St, just a couple of blocks away from the Dupont Metro. You can see a map showing the journey from Stead Park to Tom Tom on the Adams Morgan Division website.
Stead Park has a lot of things going for it: size, grass and LIGHTS. Fields with lights cost more than fields without lights, but can you really put a price on getting in a full 5-innings of kickball goodness? I think not.

I would debate the last line, but overall I applaud this measure - with one caveat. I am a little concerned by the cryptic line, "Fields with lights cost more than fields without lights, but can you really put a price on getting in a full 5-innings of kickball goodness? I think not." I will assume that this means that it is costing more from his profit margin and not that he is going to charge us more this season. If that's the case, thanks very much. If it's not... well that will be another blog entry.

While I could argue that the thought could have gone into this before the season started, thus meaning that we would be at the same fields this whole season, I won't. And while others have argued that it's a far walk now from the fields to the bar, I disagree. The walk is further than it was, but it's no further than most other leagues distance to their sponsor bars. And now we have lights, which is a step in the right direction, and more than other leagues would do upon hearing complaints.

However...

A few entries ago I mentioned that the flip cup champions in DC Kickball didn't get a trophy for winning nor did they get a mention on the DC Kickball website. Voila, the mention appeared. Voila, at the end of season party a trophy appeared. But the trophy was not really a trophy at all. I was reminded of this by the article in Sunday's Washington Post Magazine. In the picture at the link you see one of the kickball "trophies". I use quotes because these are spray-painted things that look like they have tin foil on them. Those are hardly worthy of a real business.

In college, they would have been cool and funny because a lot of us were poor (or would have rather spent our money on booze). If I was 7 that would be neat. But when I am paying $50 for a season and the guy running it is taking the lion' share of that money I don't find that cool or neat; it's just crappy. A trophy costs between $25 and $100 depending on what kind you want - I don't think that's too much to ask. He could have even gone to Pier 1 or someplace and just gotten a pitcher for $20 and people would have been happier. It doesn't take much to make kickballers happy, but it takes more than a spray-painted mini keg; and I don't think that's asking a lot. But then, it would take away from his profits.

I may just be disappointed though because I assumed, "Well if it's this cheesy it must be chocolate filled like those coins we used to get at Easter from the Easter Bunny" and it wasn't. Upon touching it and further inspection, it was just a spray-painted kickball type thing and mini keg (note there was one real one, so I assume that counts). Guess I have to wait for the good tin foil wrapped stuff.

So, half a kudo for the DC Kickball guy. Just buy some freakin' trophies, will ya?

Three up and Three Down

2006-09-02T11:17:00.000-04:00

One of my friends and loyal readers suggested the other day that I do an entry stating three things that I like and three I dislike about the leagues I have or do play in. It's a not a bad idea, it's rainy outside, and I have some creative juices flowing, so I figured I would do it. Here goes:

District Sports

Likes:

The guy who runs the league is very cool
The indoor kickball rules were lots of fun
It's not overly competitve as a whole

Dislikes:

The bar is the worst as a kickball bar
The refs are not very good
Not nearly enough flip cup

WAKA

Likes:

By far the easiest to register for and use after you login
Plenty of divisions to play in
Offer the opportunity to play in playoffs around the country

Dislikes:

Seem to only care about the money
No one responds to any concerns
Budgets are too small to have great parties we should be able to

DC Kickball

Likes:

Allow more money than WAKA for parties
Allow a certain amount of autonomy to divisions
Guy who runs it is usually around

Dislikes:

Guy who runs it likes himself - a lot
Rules differences between divisions
Debate has been cut off forever on issues

NAKID

Likes:

Cheapest, free parties, most of the money seems to go back to players
Lots of focus on flip cup
Best newsletter of all the leagues by far

Dislikes:

Not the easiest to register/login to
Sometimes too many emails during the week
Don't always have all the shirts for the teams so late joiners get stuck with a generic color

These are the top three of each I could think of off the top of my head. This means they are either the best points or the most pressing needs to be addressed. All of them tend to have hot people and most of them are fun.

So that's it my good and bad for each league in the area. What are yours?

The WAKA lie, 30 miles long

2006-08-31T15:26:00.000-04:00

False advertising - it's slimy, distasteful, and sometimes illegal. Usually though, they are easy to spot. That ad for the ab machine a few years ago that you just put on and turn on that would melt away the pounds while you ate Haagen Dasz just sitting on the couch was easy to spot as a lie. Those spam emails we all get that promise to "Make your penis larger" with a pill, also clearly untrue. But what about when it comes from a place you have been involved with for years? Say your kickball league - the biggest in the country - lied to you and everyone else about something as innocous as where they were holding some playoffs. What then? Think it can't happen? Think again.

If you log on to the regionals page for WAKA you see this:

Eastern Regional
Championship
September 30, 2006
Richmond, VA

Sounds good, I like Richmond. It's a state capitol, a party town, and the college mascot is a spider. They have a lovely skyline. I'm sure it's a great place to live. There's only one thing - the WAKA Eastern Regional Championship is NOT in Richmond. It's in some place called Ruther Glen, Va. Never heard of it? Me neither. Disappointed? Me too, and we're not alone:

so.... remember that regional that was supposed to be in richmond? yeah, what happened to that? cause at the moment it looks like someone mistakenly planned it for some place called ruther glen?

I think Ruther Glen is in the Richmond area, but about 30 miles south.

Did you expect anything different from WAKA? They'd hold the tournament at an elementary school field if the school board gave them enough perks.

These are posts from dyed in the wool WAKA types on kickball365.com. The middle one was the one I found most intriguing; 30 miles is considered in the Richmond area? Really? So, I decided to check on this, I called the number listed on the Richmond city page above. Here's how that conversation went:

Kickball Homer: Hi, I am calling to ask about a town near you called Ruther Glen.

Richmond woman: I'm sorry, I've never heard of it.

KH: Oh, well, I think it's about 30 miles from Richmond.

Richmond woman: (Laughs nervously) Nope, sorry I don't know where it is.

Ok, well I guess if it was in the area, Richmond city workers would at least know where it is. I decided I'd call Ruther Glen - no city page. But I did find that it's just 5 miles from King's Dominion which is kinda cool. If you're going to King's Dominion. Or if you're going to Ruther Glen it's cool. It's not so cool though if you were told you were going to Richmond to play kickball. Then it's not cool at all.

So I guess, WAKA kickballers, you can drive the 29.8 miles from Ruther Glen to Richmond after your games, change, and then go party. Sorta kills the buzz of going right, after which is all the fun, but at least you'll be in Richmond. Or you can go to King's Dominion.

This means that either the Kash guys at WAKA or liars OR maybe they are right. Maybe Ruther Glen is close enough to be called Richmond. Hmm, that means Manassas is close enough to be called Washington, DC (just 31.04 miles). And Baltimore can be DC or vice versa since they are so close (only 38.04 miles) - just don't tell the commuters, they wouldn't support the WAKA map. And Greenwich, Ct can look forward to a Trump Tower and hosting a second Wall Street since it is so close to New York City (wow a scant 33.62 miles). Maybe these places will start marketing themselves that way. But probably not. I'm sure if you called the places in question they would at least know the towns, but otherwise the conversations would be similar to mine.

So, I'll vote that they are liars. They thought putting Richmond would excite people and it did - until they found out the truth. One thing people can do to stop this increasing disrespect the Kash guys have for their customers is to boycott the Ruther Glen Regional. Another is to just quit and play elsewhere, which I may have to do. I don't appreciate false advertising, especially when I'm the sucker paying for it.

Short term money men?

2006-08-29T11:45:00.000-04:00

I came across a VERY interesting post on kickball365.com the other day. Interesting in terms of it's insight and the points made. Interesting because it seems to have stopped the normal flow of gushing retorts from people who play in WAKA with blinders on. Plus, I believe I can add a little to the post to make it even better.

Someone posted that companies should be salivating at the idea of sponsoring WAKA and that WAKA should be providing better shirts to its players, which led to this post:

WAKA has been in business for 6 years, essentially. They have no real sponsorships except for beer companies. Here's why: In order to be a WAKA sponsor or even associated with WAKA, they want a cut of the money you make. This is standard however after speaking to several of the reps that do business with them, their way of doing business is less than good. In fact it's pretty bad. Those of you that have been around as long as I have will remember when they switched from Miller Lite to Bud Light for a year as the sponsor beer for this area. Bud Light offered more cash so WAKA chased it. The problem (which the distributor told them in advance) is that Bud Light has awful customer service. They pay you big and then ignore calls for swag, etc after that. Thus they left Bud Light and came back to Miller demanding the same money they had received from Bud Light. When told they weren't getting it, they asked for the amount they had previously gotten, they were told no to that too. They had to start from scratch even though they had more members than before.

WAKA over values it's product. Claims of 10-15k players are not taken seriously by anyone looking to partner with them for one simple reason - they refuse to show anyone their books. Any real players (like NIKE) would want to see the numbers to check if a partnering with WAKA is even worth it. And they just refuse to show the numbers.

A sponsorship with NIKE would benefit WAKA infinitely more than it would benefit NIKE. Face it, most WAKA players rarely buy extra merchandise ($22 for a t-shirt that has NAKID's slogan on it?!) thus leading to less appeal for some place like NIKE. Also, WAKA would have to pay a regional licensing fee to NIKE (this is standard) and that could run as much as $10-20k per region. This would detract from the WAKA guy's profit. They are not going to do that.

Third, and lastly, despite the idea that companies "should be licking their chops" to team up with WAKA, they have PR troubles. In any national publication about them (and even the WaPost piece on NAKID from Sunday) the lawsuit gets mentioned. No matter who is right or wrong, that's not something a potential partner, especially a big one, wants to deal with.

While I agree that WAKA should be providing better shirts than NAKID and DC Kickball because of their bigger pool of money, they will not. In the end it all comes down to this: to get real companies involved WAKA would have to invest money to make things better for players. And in case you haven't noticed, they are not about to cut into the bottom line - even if it would be a wise investment in the future.

What I can add to this is that while the Kash guys take 80 percent of registration money for overhead and paychecks for themselves, they seem to be looking short term. If they were more aggressive in getting sponsor ships and partners, they would be able to take less (like maybe half), still make a pile of money, and make their customers much happier. But that would require more work, which leads me to believe that either they are too lazy or too incompetent to do that. I don't want to bore readers with the numbers but let's just say if they had a beer sponsorship that could fetch them 100k nationwide and a few big deals otherwise, they would be well over $1.5 million AFTER paying for overhead.

Making more money than the other leagues in just the DC area, the Kash guys should have top of the line everything - balls, bases, shirts, employees, etc. The facts are though that they don't. Other leagues have real bases, organized flip cup tournaments. offer free beer for rainouts, medals for winners, and on and on. With the Kash guys you get the same t-shirts, elementary school bases, and you get to do all the work too! All this and it's the most expensive one in the area.

The writing on the wall is this: there are independent kickball leagues popping up everywhere, and WAKA needs to deal with them. Thus far they have chosen lawsuits and intimidation as a way to try and squash their competitors. But at some point, they are going to have to make things better, unless I am right and they are just in it for the short-term money.

Point of Clarification

2006-08-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

Dear DC Star,

Kickball Homer doesn't read your message board. I, Sideshow Bob, read it. Everyday. I scour all the newsletters, message boards, stories, websites, etc. looking for the silly, smart, dumb and controversial things done and said. You and kickball365.com have a very chatty forum that's full of things to comment on. It makes that much easyier to pull so much info from you.

Kickball Homer and I are obsessed with kickball. Period. While we appreciate how important you may think you are, you are more like a car crash -- not important, but fun to watch the carnage.

Sincerely yours,
Sideshow Bob

A Movie for Kickballers

2006-08-25T09:16:00.000-04:00

Immature, childish, and full of beer - this describes not only the ideal kickballer but also the ideal kickball movie. Luckily, I got to see one the other night. for free, thanks to one of my leagues - NAKID - before it actually opened. That movie, is Beerfest.

A few years ago a group of kickballers and I went to go see Dodgeball when it first opened. The movie is really funny, but I think is even more funny if you play a game like dodgeball or kickball. The silliness, the pettiness, etc all work well within the context of playing a game that most people remember from their childhood. Beerfest works in the same way.

Fast forward to college days (or just after college and playing kickball) and this is the setting for Beerfest. Grandpa-pa of two guys die, they have to go to Germany to spread his ashes and wind up in the Secret Beer Olympics (a kickballers dream)! The Germans humiliate and beat them and they return to the land of the free vowing vengeance in next year's SBO.

They collect up some old college friends and design a great training course of beer games. Hijinks of drunkness ranging from crashing a party and boxing while dressed as man and wife to beer goggle sex ensue in the year in between. One of the members of the team dies while trying to drink his way out of a vat of beer only to find out (as always happens) that he had a twin brother who can drink just like he did! Thank God for such Three's Company type coincidences.

Our boys return to Deutchland and end up playing the Germans in the finals. It all comes down to "Das Boot", a competition where your best drinkers swig from a glass boot. Very funny and well played. I won't spoil who wins (but am sure you can guess).

In speaking to fellow kickballers afterward (there were roughly 30 of us) most thought it was better than anticipated. I am not a Broken Lizard movie watcher so this was my first by that team and I found it funny with some REALLY funny scenes. One guy commented that a few things were reused from Super Troopers, so he was disappointed. But not me.

I'll rate Beerfest 4 cans out of a 6-pack. And if you see it, you'll never hear a frog ribbit and not laugh again.

PS Hopefully some of these ideas will be used for this year's NAKID Beerlympics (hint hint).

Don't be a battered kickballer

2006-08-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

Bars - they are the linchpin of successful kickball leagues. The game really is about what goes on there, so it is a vital that the bar is considered not just adequate, but great by the kickballers who inhabit it on a given day or night for as many as 6 plus hours. This reciprocal feeling can lead to many dollars for the sponsor bar because people will stay longer. However, it seems the bars have been "guaranteed" some certain revenues - and people are being bullied into going to the bar - at least by one league.

Editor's Note: I have decided to refrain from calling WAKA the Wal-Mart of Kickball because: 1) Wal-Mart is cheap, WAKA is not and 2) It's an insult to Wal-Mart.

A recent debate in one of the WAKA (Worshiping the Almighty Kash Assets) has turned up some interesting details that most kickballers probably don't know, but may want to regarding the relationship between the Kash boys and the sponsor bars. The sponsor bars PAY to be a WAKA sponsor bar. That's right, they give them cash to have their logo on the back of your shirt but they are also told that people will go there for the whole season. And apparently some are forced to, as this post states:

we are obligated to stay at the INCH.. we tried to switch it before the season started.. but we were at the Mill last season and they (WAKA) wouldn't let us. And yes.. the board all had to sign a contract that we would hang out at the inch after the game. I agree we do have space issues though.

And from the division President:

Sorry everyone, I tried to get the bar switched because the league has so many teams this season, but WAKA had already signed a contract with the Inch. I know it was crowded, but I think we can make due by just taking over the whole bar. We can still make it a great season regardless of the bar situation, right? It didn't seem like people were having a bad time last week.

Sooo, WAKA gets money, and you get the shaft. Want to switch, too late the Kash guys already got paid. Volunteer for the board, they force you to sign a contract stating that you will go the bar no matter what. Too bad for you that you wanted to help them make money and help your division have a a good season, now shut up and go to the bar. Problems with the bar? No one cares. The bar owner paid and WAKA got paid, so no one is listening to you.

Why did this all start? Apparently someone was posting that people should go to another bar and this was the result. I shared this with Sideshow Bob and learned of a similar situation that came up in Fall 2004. The short story is that a group of people were tired of crappy service, being lied to by Kelly's Irish Times about beer prices and buying pitchers, and other issues and some teams staged a boycott. After going to the Exchange for a few weeks, Kelly's lured the teams back with gift certificates and promises of better service. They got the certificates, but apparently not much changed. So several teams just left for good. This serves a few lessons.

I am certain that an agreement that customers have to sign stating that they will go to a bar no matter the service, conditions, etc is not legally binding (maybe the Kash guys should have to go there). Second, the fact that the Kash guys get money from the bar is going to lead to worse service then in a league where the founders are not taking money (DC Kickball operates this way too). It's better is the league doesn't take money from the bar (and some actually don't) this way if the bar sucks, you have no obligation (real or imagined) to stay. Finally, WAKA sucks. Not caring about the concerns of your customers because you want to get paid by a bar makes them tools. But, until people leave them, I doubt this will change.

This is akin, as Sideshow Bob said, to staying with a boyfriend who beats you because he promises to stop and brings you flowers before the next beating commences. My advice to the people being treated this way by the Kash guys: Don't be a battered kickballer, leave them now!

Back to the horse and buggy?

2006-08-21T16:22:00.000-04:00

Reading the Washington Post this Sunday, I laughed at seeing a story about the NAKID kickball league in the Sunday Source section. My view regarding coverage of kickball in national reports is always "the more the better". I figure as long as it is positive and can assist in increasing the number of people who play - in any league - it's good. Apparently not everyone shares this view.

I am fully aware that in some way the four leagues in this area are in competition for my kickball dollars. Let's face it, there are a small number of people dorky or obsessed enough to play in more that one league - and virtually none who would play in all of them. As a player though, I couldn't care less about that. I just want to play.

Perusing message boards, Sideshow Bob came across this nugget though:

As a good friend of mine asked me after reading this article... "are there THAT many fat ugly people that want to play kickball??"I like how the reporter didn't bother to do her research on the guy. No word that he tried to steal teams from (division edited out by me) and other WAKA divisions.

We could discuss whether or not calling someone fat and ugly is worthy of adults, but I think we all know the answer to that. So let's talk about this idea of "stealing teams". Last time I checked my ass, I don't have a "Property of WAKA/DC Kickball/NAKID/District Sports/any other league" tattoo on it. I'm not sure how one "steals" players or teams from another league. As I stated before, they are all competing for my dollars. And we all have free will to join or not join.

Every day people compare the cost of everything from gas to KY Jelly to clothes, so why not the same for kickball? Companies spend billions a year on commercials to get you to buy their crap instead of the other guy's. Many times I have been at a bar where some beer company is giving away beer for free that may not be my league's sponsor beer. If I take the free beer have they stolen me? I don't think so.

I fail to see how contacting someone or a group of people is attempted theft. Or offering a discount to a team or people if you try a different product. Or if you offer more services. For me it just makes things more fun and throughout history has made things better. Otherwise we'd all still be paying $3000 for a VCR.

I could even see if the post above was from someone making money in WAKA, but it's not. It's just from some guy with an inflated ego and obvious anger issues. Maybe he'd be happier if we all still rode a horse and buggy to work and had no electricity; after all Ford and GE "stole" those customers from someone, didn't they?

Dude , it's a kickball fluff story - and funny at that. Relax.

A look behind the curtain

2006-08-18T17:33:00.000-04:00

I was at the Captain's meeting for the NAKID league the other night, and was struck by some observations. What I saw and heard made me think about all the leagues I do or have played in. Generally, these leagues are the same - play kickball, drink beer, meet people. However, the look behind the curtain at NAKID is, I think, what sets it apart from the others.

First, the league is fairly new having just started this year but is well run. They have expanded from 11 teams to 23 and play on two nights during the week (Sunday and Tuesday). In addition, they got a bar to open JUST FOR US on Sundays which is a major thing for kickballers. As a group, we are pretty annoying, loud, and disruptive to other people in places and they annoy us too. (How come they don't bust into a game a flip cup while waiting for their check?)

Second, it seems that many of the new teams came over after being "fed up with the crap" (as I was told) with WAKA. It seems that people who have to actually do all the work in WAKA (ie the board members) get more and more angry the longer they stay there. This doesn't bode well for organization that relies on a volunteer (read uncompensated) customer workforce to help it make millions. Generally speaking it's fair to say that the board members are the biggest kickball dorks, so angering them seems to be the wrong way to go.

Third, I want to be clear here - I WANT TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY WHEN I GROW UP. I do, and most of the people I know do too. Certainly so do the people running WAKA and the guy in charge of DC Kickball. Good for them, if they can make it while people enjoy kickball I salute them. Here's my problem though: people pay a decent amount to play this game in DC for those two organizations; anywhere from $50-65 per season. The divisions in each get a budget of roughly $5-6,000 to throw three parties with. That means the organizers keep 80 percent of the money paid in, $15-19,000 per division per season. Wow.

With that $5-6K the division board has to throw the parties and purchase any awards for the players. I even saw one division contemplating buying new bases because the ones they are supplied are too small! Just so we're clear, that $5-6,000 goes pretty fast when bars want $20 a head for party goers. These board members do a helluva job with what they are given. But it's not right.

In NAKID, they use the money for stuff like this: at the captain's meeting we all got food and beer - no charge. There was a raffle for two pairs of movie tickets, one for each chapter. Then an overall raffle for an Ipod Nano! Free! They have some raffles (free again) for the Kickoff Parties. All of the parties are free. They have swag throughout the season that is handed out. We were told there would be a Beer in Hand kickball game, scavenger hunt, paintball, Beer Olympics, and some other social things that I can't remember that would be free or almost free.

Oh yeah, and one more thing: THE LEAGUE CHAMPION GETS FREE REGISTRATION FOR THE WHOLE TEAM NEXT SEASON!

Many (especially the upper echelon) teams in WAKA have had this on their wish list for a while. It only makes sense, especially if you expect teams to fly across the country to be named champion. Yet neither WAKA nor DC kickball has proposed this. I guess they want to keep their money. I don't begrudge them that, but we're talking about $1,000 roughly. And really, it's more of an investment because the teams will love you forever if you do this.

What's funny is that DC Kickball and WAKA are both businesses and the NAKID league is just a group of people playing kickball but seems to operate as a better business. As they grow they are certainly setting a nice precedent. Hopefully the others will follow.

The Fun Police

2006-08-16T10:34:00.000-04:00

I figured it out, I now know why people get burnout from playing kickball! A few posts ago I mentioned a concern from people about needing a respite between kickball seasons before playing another game. I explained that this is a game that people play for 1 hour before drinking for 5 hours. So why acutely are they burned out, I wondered. Now I know.

Monday's post about rule changes and the lunacy of that elicited a few responses, both private and posted on here. A little more research proved invaluable. Some people just don't know how to relax and have fun.

I received a four paragraph defense of rule changes from one writer. Scouring other message boards I found these posts:

I still would veto the 2nd 1st base. It is the runner's and fielders responsibilities to provide each other with room to make plays. Runners need to learn that they cannot always run in a straight line. Fielders need to learn to step off the base to get overthrown balls and not try to stretch so much.Or....if you can't take being tackled at first....don't play first. It WILL happen sometimes. And no one does it on purpose...I assume. And this goes for everyone. I've seen guys knocked down by girls, guys by guys, girls by guys, etc. What's next....double 2nd, 3rd and home plates? I've slid into bases plenty of times and had people fall on me. Its part of the game

I haven't reffed a game yet this season, but yes, man bunting is going to be a judgement call, but, I think everyone is right in determine whehter (sic) the dude was actually going to wind up and nail it and miss vs. a little dink

Being as I'm always chasing after bunts.. I decided that any ground ball that does not look or flat out does not make it past the base line / 1st / 3rd base line thingo is a bunt

I need to confirm what exactly happened at the bar, but apparently HFB only had three people, so that should be a forfeit, unless they asked for a re-schedule

our division president says that it (mercy rule) is being enacted automatically now, and no score showing more than a 12 point spread will be going in the books. when i pointed this rule out to him, he says it has been changed. i have not heard anything about this rule being changed, and it has not been changed in my rule book

bunts win games......if you don't like bunts then play better defense and stop them

Here's the thing people: you get burned out because you are debating every little piece of kickball. I can't believe that some people even carry it over to flip cup, where people now need to check "what happened at the bar" in case there needs to be a forfeit assinged?! For flipcup?! Wow, I'm telling you the WAKA divisions are making it less and less fun to play there.

How about this: HAVE FUN! And don't give me this "Winning is fun" crap. Yes, it is. But these are the same people who complain about burnout and needing a break. Yeah, because you are worried about what's a man-bunt and what isn't. Because you have to spend time at the bar not making out, but making sure you have the right number of flip cup players lest you receive a forfeit. And if you do make out after worrying about who has what on their flip cup team it must not be that good because the next day you are writing about having a second first base!

I have to say, in NAKID it just seems that nothing is all that serious. They call their winners the "Champions of the Kickball Universe". They have a trophy for "Greatest Flip Cupper in the World". They have a "Magic 8 Ball" that decides the flip cup standings on a weekly basis. They ran stories in their newsletter last season on: a steroid scandal in flip cup, what the world would be like if famous people were like those people who never show up for games, and stuff like that. I may sound like I am in shill for them but for goodness sakes, they make it FUN!

So calm down and stop acting like the Fun Police, it's just kickball. As one poster wrote:

sad thing is you all are debating the game of kickball. A game we all or most of us played in elementary school that has been brought back into our lives to give us another reason to drink. That's it!! Its not about the game of kickball you morons!!! Don't take it so seriously and you might have fun once in a while. its an adolescent game that is strictly for fun....I suggest you stop crying about bunting or explaining the art of bunting and just play and have fun.

What's next? Banning the sun?

2006-08-14T09:27:00.000-04:00

Rules - most of us dislike them, but we all have to live by them. Our country is founded on the idea that we all will live and agree to act by shared rules whether they be in the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, or from the local city board. We do the same thing in games, and most people are okay with that as long as the rules remain the same. But something is going on kickball that is not so great.

As WAKA, the Wal-Mart of Kickball (WMoKB) has grown, many of its divisions have take it upon themselves to alter the rules, even though this is forbidden by the WMoKB's rules. It makes it difficult to play and at some point, virtually impossible to compete with the other divisions to claim the "World Kickball Champions" title. Several of the divisions that I play in or have played in have done this. Here are a few of the rules that have been changed:

No overhand pitching
Men cannot bunt
The catcher does not have to stand behind the kicker when the kicker is kicking
Players do not need their shirts to play
Changing the amount of time for the "grace period" to show up late
Allowing extra innings

These are just a few that come to mind. Most of them are decided on by the board of the division (I assume) and then enacted without input from the players. Certainly they are not passed by the WMoKB's employees (and to that end, where the heck are these great WMoKB representatives when they see these arbitrary changes, asleep?). And so after a player signs up to play by certain rules, and the rules are changed it's "too bad for you" time. No reasons given, just "These are the new rules so get used to them" is sent out to the masses by the board.

Most of these, I assume, are done in the name of making the people who whine about men bunting or overhand pitching happy - after all the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Certainly it is done for the people who take kickball too seriously. But it seems like people are getting a little too ridiculous about this.

One of the WMoKB divisions that Sideshow Bob plays in recently was sending out it's newsletter and in the recap (by the way, I can never get enough of the half-page-long, inside-joke-filled BORING game recaps) of one of the games they were writing about a guy who wears baseball batting gloves while fielding. Upon seeing this, the division informed him that they were now banning the wearing of gloves on the field as equipment that gives the player an unfair advantage - IN KICKBALL! What the...? This had to be a joke, but Sideshow showed it to me, it was real.

What's next, banning sunglasses because it's unfair to players without them? What about cleats? Maybe a certain color shirt (like black) should be banned because it's hotter when you wear black or white because the reflective rays burn the iris' of the now de-sunglassed players? I know, let's ban the sun altogether because that gives some players an advantage while hindering others. Maybe if a player's not that good but the ball drops near her we can make that an out for a good try (Don't scoff some little leagues do this)? There's no end to the rules we can come up with!

I think the point is made. In addition what about if these teams do decide to travel to Virginia Beach or San Diego to play in tournaments and then have to play by the real rules? How about this: there are 4 kickball leagues in this area if you don't like the rules in the one you are playing in rather than deciding to change them, play in a different league. And a note to the WMoKB employees, you might want to pay attention to your divisions and actually stop this stupid altering of the rules. Sheesh, at least at Wal-Mart they care about their customers.

Bud Light, Buffet, and the true meaning of kickball

2006-08-10T09:55:00.000-04:00

Last night I was watching TV and saw a Bud Light ad that was pretty cool. It seemed like these guys got what non-professional sports is all about. It was good advice for all kickballers as we begin (or already have) a new season, both returning players and novices alike.

Here is the ad

The understanding here is clear. While I get that these guys are pushing beer, it also sends a message that the sport is not the thing. Yes it's a good way to get your competitive juices flowing and that's fine, but after it's over it's not like your getting paid. Kickball people would do well to remember this.

My last post contained info about a team cheating. Someone wrote in that it's just kickball and people should drop it already, but that's my point - it's just kickball so why cheat? In fact, why stay angry after the game ends anyway. During the game I understand, but after it's over and you're at the bar, let it go.

Teams that generally are scorned claim it's because they are good at kickball, my experience is. that's not the case at all. Teams that take kickball too seriously (i.e. those teams that keep year to year stats, etc) are no fun at the bar, despite their opinion of themselves. Recently I joined a division was full of these people and they thought they were the most fun people in kickball. Yet, they were too competitive on the field, too competitive at the bar, and talked only to their team or people they knew. And while I have heard or read posts from these teams saying how fun they are the truth is, they're not and that's why they are disliked.

Lastly, their is the boy-girl factor. Guys, I can tell you that someone who is ultra-competitive in a sport that they are not getting paid to play are not a turn on for women. Extolling your prowess on the field is like telling a girl how rich you are; no one believes it and you are laughed at as soon as you walk away. Just be normal.

I'm not trying to tell people that competition is bad, it's not. Just leave it on the field. And if you can't relax just ask yourself, "What would Jimmy Buffet do?" When you get to the bar, it's fins to the left, fins to the right, and you're the only bait in town. So just take a look for that lost shaker of salt and relax in Margaritaville.

Does Floyd Landis play kickball too?

2006-08-08T10:49:00.000-04:00

For those unaware, he is the latest cheater in sports to be disgraced. I guess living in Lance Armstrong's shadow was too much for Landis so he decided to juice up to win the Tour de France. First he said he had elevated testosterone due to drinking whiskey (how kickball of him!), then it was dehyrdation's fault, and now someone has tampered with his sample and that's the real reason he has levels of the hormone that are 11 times the normal amount. The other excuses, he says, were not his. His lawyer made him say those. Now, as with everything, to relate this to kickball.

While scouring Kickball365 I came across a post that was intriguing because it mentioned a team cheating in - of all things - kickball! So I contacted the poster and was sent two interesting emails I thought I'd share here. First, the background: Apparently the guy who's team cheated was the President of the Wal-Mart of Kickball's (WAKA) Monument Division (this took place last year). Someone posted it on their message board, and things became a big deal from there. Also, one of the FOUNDERS of WMoKB played in the division. The guy's team was going to join Monument and sent this email after hearing about the cheating: (I have left all names out)

After reading through your division message board I am concerned. Your team cheated, and you know this - whether other teams agreed you could or not. You purposely did not tell HH because you knew they would object, and that is wrong as well. I understand that and that you apologize. The most disturbing part is that you say that you will do it in the future. Is this true? Will you cheat next season? If you tell me that you won't I will believe you, but will still have the entire roster of your team checked if my team plays yours. If you tell me you will cheat, then I have to ask my teammates how they feel about that. I don't like it.

Not only did you cheat the WAKA rules (and thereby would have been disqualified from Regionals), but you lied through omission to HH, and you cheated everyone that forked over $60 by letting someone play that had never paid. I don't want BS here. If you need to cheat tell me now and we will deal with it in my team. If not, ok. I think with what our team could bring to Monument in terms of fun, experience, and enthusiasm could make the season great - but I want it to be fair. I have cc'd my captains on this.

Here is the response:

calm down. i have got enough crap over this already. i dont know you and you are not part of this division yet, so please dont lecture me. if you honestly think this is the first time a team has pulled in an ineligible player so they wouldnt have to forfeit you are mistaken. i know many teams that have done it over the last 2 seasons, everyone is just making a big deal over this b/c it was me that did it this time and we happened to make a run in the tournament. besides, it wasnt like i picked up freddie adu, my sub was a girl who was sitting on picnic blanket in sandals who was there to watch us and had never played the game before. i had 3 no shows who didnt bother calling to say they had changed their mind about coming so this was premeditated either. we just wanted to play, we didnt expect to win. we had won 1 game all season and no one, not even us thought we would make the finals. even with the sub, we only had 10 fielders. i know that i should have let the first team we beat move on, even though they knew about it, but i made a mistake and didnt.as for the future, if you want to take the time to print out my team's roster, card us and check our dental records, be my guest. i may have done the wrong thing here, but i am not a criminal and at least i didnt send someone who i have never met and dont know anything about a 2 paragraph e-mail chastising him over something that happened at an event i wasnt even at.

The WMoKB rep said she would take care of it and nothing actually happened (according to the guy).

A couple of things stand out here. I guess if you cheat but others have before, it's ok. I guess if you cheat with someone other than Freddie Adu that's ok too. I guess if you weren't at an event, you cannot talk about it. At least in the Monument Division. I wonder if this does go on all throughout kickball, I'd like to think it doesn't. Maybe it's because the competition level is being ratcheted up to the nth degree among some of the teams. But I doubt it.

Smithers reports from the Left Coast that things in the WMoKB have gotten so competitive that he had to quit! He was a transplant from this area and said that out there no one really drinks (at least in his division) and they had ref clinics every week because someone was always complaining about the refs or the rules or something. Well, rumor has it they are hosting the fall playoffs so I guess that's fitting.

I am going to believe though, that the Floyd Landis and Monument Division types are in the minority. Not just because it makes me feel better but because if they are the majority, then what's the point of playing sports unless you're going to cheat? And what fun is that?

Kickball, Bratz, and McDonald's

2006-08-04T18:51:00.000-04:00

Brand loyalty is something that most companies rely on. It's why they start running commercial on Nickelodeon to get kids hooked on McDonald's and Bratz dolls before they can even talk. It works for every age group and across all measures of people. And kickball is no exception.

Many of the blogs, message boards, and websites dedicated to kickball feature a few people who post all the time. The people who are the Ultra Brand loyalists as I call these guys. And every league has them. The funny thing is, one day they can be for League A and the next for League B depending on seemingly small issues. But while they are with you, they are loyal.

There's one guy who loves WAKA and he must stalk every kickball related site looking for someone to say nary a word against his favorite league - then he pounces! Usually, this guy makes a numbers argument that rarely adds up to prove his point. Then he is followed by another who loves himself so much that when he responds to a question posed by a writer, never answers it and just makes lame analogies. In the end he usually calls it quits on a topic by saying that you "don't understand" whatever he wrote. Ah yes, the old Archie Bunker defense, so useful.

The DC Kickballers who love their league usually are much more to the point in their posts. "Carter4life" was one of the one's I recall reading. Usually they are just short bursts, indicating their allegiance and that DC Kickball rocks.

NAKID people usually have a pack mentality. The scout will find a negative reference and probably IM everyone on her/his list and they all flock over. They post pro-NAKID and usually anti-WAKA type things, sometimes with actual reasoned arguments too. And they are like a pitbull, once they clamp down they will keep posting until their tormenter gives up or goes away.

I just find it somewhat funny how these things manifest themselves, much as they do in life, in the relatively small kickball world. What's interesting is that with so many people playing in so many different leagues now, is what people will have to say in the future. And how excited they will be to defend their newest love until the next one comes around.

No Peace in the Middle East, No Peace in Kickball

2006-08-02T11:32:00.000-04:00

Well, despite the best intentions of me and several others, there will be no Kickball Harmony Games. Much like the Middle East, kickball in DC seems to be about land space, what you believe in, and there seems to be no ground that people can meet on.

I have been working since at least a month ago to make the games happen and now have to admit defeat. NAKID was on board the whole time, so I appreciate that. District Sports was all for it too, so kudos to them. Seems like the older leagues that are in a court battle - WAKA and DC Kickball, didn't care.

I got some perfunctory "sounds good" comments from DC Kickball, but no real statement of support. Since those times and based on some unfortunate instances since then, it seemed like that group wasn't going to step up. And I'm not sure how they would have handled the beer if there was a rainout in any event. But I digress...

WAKA had by far the most interesting responses. I contacted a number of divisions and got the brush from most of them. Then I contacted one that responded. Because I am a kickball dork, I stalk all of the kickball message boards and found that one guy seemed to be moving to be the division President this season, so I contacted him. Here is his response:

Homer. I'm not the president in the fall. You'll have to speak to (name kept out by me). But I will tell you that very few people will care or want to do inter-league games. We barely have enough time to participate in our own division games, let alone play-offs and all-star games. Plus, NAKID is a bunch of disgruntled former players from our division and I, for one, don't want anything to do with them. Good luck with your effort.

Ooookkkk. I apologized to him and he wrote back to tell me that he was not speaking for all of WAKA, just his division. So I wrote to the President. He seemed cheerful enough but after speaking to people in his division (including I assume, the angry guy from the above email) told me:

As I was saying... now that this season is finally done and I had time to talk to a lot of people at the party... I'm sorry to say that the overwhelming response was "sounds like fun, but we need a break." That was even from the ones I figured would definitely play. Now we're actually talking about ignoring WAKA's tournament schedule in the fall to give ourselves a larger breather before starting the next season.

I thanked him and basically that was it.

This is odd. Essentially, I was trying to organize a thing where kickball people would come out one day for a few hours to play kickball, drink beer, and meet new people and NO ONE from DC Kickball or WAKA wanted to? Or not enough to make a real effort? People are getting burned out on KICKBALL? Just so we're clear, kickball is a sport that you play for about an hour before you go drink for 5 hours. Exactly what do these people need a breather from?

In the end, I believe the first guy that wrote me is right - and that's sad. I guess people from some leagues feel that they are better than people from others? Why, because the balls are a different color or they have different rules or they left because they didn't like the way they were treated by a league? Not playing kickball, meeting people, and drinking for free because of those reasons is as stupid as fighting a war because people have different religious beliefs or give women rights that you don't think they should have - oh wait...

I thought maybe if we could get the Middle East people together for some kickball and beer that would solve their problems. Based on this, I'm not so sure. Either way, it seems people could have cut out a few hours to play and drink and forget about their stupid kickball wars. I'll keep tryin'.

Rating the Bar

2006-07-31T13:02:00.000-04:00

As most of us get ready to start our next season of kickball, I thought I would do a review of some of the kickball bars I have frequented in my many seasons. Someone on kickball365 asked what makes a good sponsor bar, so this is where the idea comes from. Here they are in no particular order with ratings and comments:

The Exchange Saloon - If you play on the Monument grounds it is walking distance, which is nice. There is a large outside area which is cool when it's not blazing hot. The staff is okay, the owner is a little testy, but for the most part you do as you please. The bathrooms are not that great. Specials are nothing out of the ordinary. Overall: B

Kelly's Irish Times - Small upstairs area, the staff is fairly rude. They lie to you and tell you you can't buy pitchers at the bar. When you go downstairs it's a million degrees, but at least it's all kickballers. Bathrooms are gross. Food is blah and the specials are on the low end of the kickball spectrum. NOT easy to get to. Will NOT lest you split your bill! Overall D-

Mc Fadden's - Very large. Nice specials, the staff is very slow with food, but the bartenders are nice. Lots of flip cup room. Bathrooms are the best of all the bars on the list. They love football watchers more than kickballers, so it's not great in the Fall. Close to the Monument fields, Overall: B+

Tom Tom - Decent size, very close to the fields. Service is poor. Usually only one or two bartenders and they seem overwhelmed (with just half the teams playing on one night). Good specials. MAJOR DRAWBACK: If you make noise during flip cup they close off half the bar due to complaints. The bathrooms are nice but you have to climb through a maze to find them. Not great when drunk. Overall: C+

Bottom Line - Not far from the fields if you play on the Monument. Service is ok, specials are nothing great. Tiny bathroom, small bar. They have an ice luge during the week which would be awesome for kickball. Overall: D+

The Ugly Mug - Staff is the friendliest around, however the food takes a long time and is not great. Specials are average. Bathrooms are the WORST! One of the women's toilets is broken every week! A little too small for a full compliment of players. Separate flip cup room which is pretty cool, though small. Not a bad drive from the fields. When they let us DJ that's cool too. Allows for each person to have own tab. Overall: B-

Wonderland - By far, the worst bar on this list. They care more about Bohemian dance and Bring your Baby to the Bar nights than kickballers. We are an afterthought and annoyance there. Specials suck. Staff is rude and slow. Really, it's not a kickball bar in any way. Overall: FFFF

Angry Inch - Very small, tough two levels walking distance from the fields though. Flip cup friendly. Specials are okay. Staff tries to be helpful but is slow. Bathrooms reek pretty badly. Overall: C

Asylum - Okay specials, walking distance from the fields. Really, it's a biker bar, not a kickball bar. Bathrooms are not great. Staff is okay, but seemed overwhelmed. Specials are ok. Not a lot of flip cup room, but nice for a small group. Overall: B-

Adam's Mill - Lots of levels, walking distance from the field. Upstairs gets a bit cramped and VERY hot. Flip Cup friendly. Staff is nice. Food is not great and specials are average. Bathrooms are decent. They have an outside area which is nice. Overall: B

That covers 'em all for me I think. If you have others, please feel free to add.

What makes a great sponsor bar? A lot. If I was designing the bar it would consist of this: cater ONLY to kickballers on the nights/days they play. Have a large area that is just for flip cup. I'm talking four long tables for people to play on. Lots of tvs for football, etc. A dj or equipment that someone can use to dj for the kickballers. Decent sized bathrooms (three stalls for women, two urinals and a stall for men) that are CLEAN! More bartenders than waiters. Maybe 4 bartenders, 2 waiters; people can order food through the bartenders. Fast food turnaround. Decent menu (sandwiches and salad specials plus a percent off entrees). $2 beers, $6 pitchers. A $1 shot special. Owner or bar manager there all the time to make sure everything runs smoothly and respond to concerns.

I know it's a lot to ask, but the benefit would be LOTS of money, loyalty to the bar, and a "that's our bar" feeling that will make people want to go there even if they're not playing kickball. That's what makes a great sponsor bar.

Prohibition lives!

2006-07-28T10:40:00.000-04:00

Last night I was leaving the Mall area from seeing some kickball games and noticed a group of softballers congretated by some policeman. Then I noticed a cooler or something that read "Rolling Rock" and the familiar red Solo cups and knew this was bad. As I got closer I noticed the unmistakable smell of crappy beer and then heard one of the softballettes relaying on her phone, "I'm getting a citation". My first thought was: How can they be so dumb? Solo cups? Rolling Rock display? Were they BEGGING to get caught?

But then as I walked on to the Metro, I started to get mad.

What the heck is this crap with no alcohol on the Mall area? So I did a search and with the help of Sideshow Bob found this on the National Park Service's website:

Possession and consumption of alcoholic beverages is prohibited on the Washington Monument grounds. Alcohol is also prohibited in East and West Potomac Parks and on the National Mall, except within specifically designated concession areas which sell alcohol.

I'm sure the same line sticks out to you as it did for me: except within specifically designated concession areas which sell alcohol. Seems the National Park Service is willing to bend the rules as long as you are a concession guy willing to fork over a sum to the DC government to sell alcohol. Then on the little kiosks there is about a 5x5 area in which you must consume the purchased, overpriced beer. I wonder if the cans have Lojack in them to tell if someone walks away from the designated Gettin' Your Drink On Area. I can see it now, you step over the line and "Swarm, Swarm" is heard as Park Police tackle you.

My question is how is this right? I'm an adult, old enough to go fight in wars, old enough to get married, have babies, drink in a bar or in my home, drive a car, and do much more. Yet I can't bring a beer or 12 for my friends and me to consume while playing some kickball on the Mall? Of course I can, in between innings, go over to the government approved vendor drink them there and return to the game - because that's MUCH safer.

And it's not only the Mall, we found this for Rock Creek Park:

In 1953, Congressional legislation (67 Stat. 495) established a specific category for those park areas within the District of Columbia as National Capital Parks as opposed to National Parks or National Monuments. In making a separate category, Congress was verifying that the parks within the District of Columbia, including Rock Creek Park, have a particular mission to preserve not only the resources but also the character of the Nation's Capital.

Ok, let's take this one at a time. First, the law was made in 1953. Seems to me that many laws we had in 1953 were pretty bad and we changed those (ahem, Jim Crow), maybe we should take a look at this law too. Second, preserving the "character of the Nation's Capital"? PUH-LEEZE. This is the murder capital of the country and the mayor was caught ON TAPE smoking crack and was RE-ELECTED for goodness sake! I'm not asking for crack to legalized, just to drink a few beers during kickball. I think that's quite in line with the character of the Nation's Capital.

According to the CDC almost 55% of US adults had a drink in the last month. The number is much higher among kickballers. So just let us drink while we play; it makes the games more fun, we help the economy, and we promise to be good. Here's my letter to the powers that be:

To Whom It May Concern,

Let adults be free to drink on the National Mall. Most of us promise to take the Metro or other public transportation to go to the bar after games or to go home. Those of us that do not should be ticketed if our BAC is too high. We'll even buy the beer from your pre-approved vendors. Just give us the freedom.

Can I get a witness? Somebody say Amen.

Cash Cow Champions?

2006-07-26T10:17:00.000-04:00

So, after many months of speculation and bickering, the WAKA championship is finally over (even if some of it's divisions are still not finished playing yet). But what really does it mean? I don't think very much.

Sideshow Bob reports from Miami that 10 teams took part in the "biggest kickball tournament ever" as the WAKA guys boasted it would be. To put this in context: my WAKA DIVISION has more than 16 teams! Hell, the last party I threw represented at least a dozen teams. That seems a little ridiculous and would be embarrasing to me if I owned WAKA. I mean, their spokesman recently stated that they had 50,000 players - and just 10 teams showed up for their "World Championship" tournament?

This could have been forseen though; as I correctly predicted the regionals around the country were a failure. Please recall most of them were canceled due to a lack of interest from teams. So this was the first sign.

Sign two was the asinine idea of moving the finals to Miami of all places! The reason given for this was the growth in that area, and that sounds plausible. Until you find out that only 2 teams from Florida even bothered to show up! Half the teams were from the DC-VA-WV area and a few from some other places. So all of this to promote kickball in an area where hardly any of the teams cared enough to show up to play. Great move genuises!

WAKA must be making tons of money though, and I believe that's really what it's all about. And listen, I am all for capitalism, make money if you can and lots of it, but how about providing your people with something aside from promises? Please note that you could buy - for $100 for people playing KICKBALL - a tent with your team's name on it. Or if you are not a captain of a team, you can buy a $15, 2 hr open bar booze cruise (okay that one I like). Ooorr a Bloody Mary Brunch for $30, wtf? Kickballers don't drink Bloody Mary's! Well, I'm sure the WAKA guys got a nice cut.

I guess the bottom line here is this: I feel cheated. When I first started playing with WAKA it was fun to meet people, be able to drink at a discount, and have a few parties. My team won a decent amount and made it to regionals a few times and that was cool. Now it seems like WAKA is all about being a cash cow and claiming the "World Kickball Champions" title. I don't think that's why most of us fork over $60 or $65 to WAKA to play. In fact, I'm sure of it. And I'm glad that the Miami people are happy that they held the championship there, but the turnout was the lowest ever, and the travel made it impossible for many of us to go. And really, what was it for? The same teams that won still won, just with less of an audience to see it.

Maybe WAKA has outgrown itself. Certainly it has outgrown it's original intent, a fun way to meet people and play a goofy game. Now people argue on message boards about how great they are at WAKA and if you just want to play to have fun you should go play elsewhere. Amazing. I guess WAKA will need to change the rules about not being able to play if you are a professional kickball player, because it seems like that's what they want their league to be.

Sad because most of us just want to have fun. Seems like the WAKA founders are out of touch with the majority of their customers. In any event, the guys who won are the "Champions of the 10 who showed up" I guess. Or the "WAKA Cash Cow Champions". And that's hardly the world.

CORRECTION: 11 Teams showed up, Sideshow must have been too drunk to count.

A plea for Help

2006-07-24T12:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry I've been gone for a while, some things came up - but all is well now. I received a rather odd email last week that I need to share with everyone, as it is kickball related:

Dear Kickball in the city,
My roommate and I just graduated from UM: College Park and we are interested in joining the kickball league so we can get our drink on with some good washingtonians. However, we are struggling finding a place to live. I was wondering if anyone who is a member of the leagues would know of 2 bedrooms places hopefully around the Adams Morgan area, that aren't too expensive. Thank you so much for your help, and I look forward to joining ASAP!
Sincerely,
E (name erased so you don't stalk her)

If anyone can help these poor ladies make their dreams of kickball and a place to live come true, please email me. Serious offers only.

In other news: there are pickup games every Sunday starting this one at 3pm on the Mall sponsored by NAKID if anyone is interested. Check their site for all the info.

I am still gathering info from Sideshow Bob's report on the WAKA "biggest kickball tournament ever" in Miami this weekend and will post on that tomorrow or Wed. Suffice to say, it was not great, only10 teams.

Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!

2006-07-13T11:57:00.000-04:00

More rainouts for me this week. I hate this, it cuts down on kickball and more importantly, social time at the bar.

Generally speaking I like the rain, it's refreshing and in these hot and humid months around here it's a nice relief but this is getting old. I think I've had about 5 rainouts this season between all my teams and it really sucks. I'm not sure the best way to handle this though, but I'll give it a shot:

FREE BEER at the bar - This is to entice players to come out and make both them and the bar happy. However, as previously discussed, this is not done uniformly so doesn't work. Although I think it could.

Play anyway - Really, what's a little rain? The odds of someone getting hit by lightning are remote so we should just play. If people slip and fall, hey it's a game. We used to laugh at that stuff. then everyone can head to the bar wet and drown their sorrows and play flip cup.

These are both okay I guess but run the risk of injuries, some divisions NOT getting free beer, or some other drama, so here's the perfect solution: Flip Cup! The teams convene at the bar and the ones scheduled to play on the field play flip cup at the bar. You can do it as innings, where each team gets to flip in their half of the inning. More than one flip to get the cup over is an out. One flip and that's a run. So if my team is up and I one flip we get a run, but if the next three people two flip, we only scored one run that inning and the other team is up. I think that would be fun and it would get people to go to the bar. Plus it might get those few teams who don't play flip cup or socilaize to learn to.

I think it's a grea idea... or at least better than nothing. And it's better than Rock/Paper/Scissors

I am a champion!!

2006-07-11T09:52:00.000-04:00

This weekend one of my kickball teams was named "Champions of the Universe" and I couldn't be more proud! Yes, I know it's only kickball, but still...

Winning is fun, certainly more fun than losing. I know this sounds common sensical when I write and some people are thinking, "Well DUH" but I think it's worth noting. People who lose a lot whether it be in kickball, some other sport, or in things that really matter tend to take the attitude of "Well losing is fun too", but really, it's not. I have been on winning and losing teams, had my share of wins and losses in life - and winning is waaaaaaaaaaaaay better!

Having said that, being a competitive jerk is no fun either. I watched a few people this weekend in my NAKID league's playoffs get mad and yell at people even when they made it on base! That seems a bit much to me and certainly takes much of the fun out of winning. Unfortunately this is found often in WAKA where these guys seem to think they will soon be on the World Kickball Tour or something. I know it's a fine line between being competitive and being an a-hole, but many people need to find that line.

Also, watching people clutch their medals and trophies like they were the most important things in life to them was funny; but also a reminder of how important rewarding people for winning is too. There was one girl last night offering to flash anyone who would give her a medal - and it STILL took her about an hour and a half to finally get one (no, wasn't mine). I think many leagues, WAKA and DC Kickball especially, forget this. I mean, a trophy costs what, like $20 - but it makes people really happy to get them. I was at the DC Kickball flip cup tournament Saturday and the winning team got nothing. And there's not even a mention of it on the website.

In any event, now I can write mom and dad and tell them that their little Homer is finally a winner - even it is only in kickball.

Shameless Plugs

2006-07-06T15:38:00.000-04:00

I never do this, but will now because I consider these worthy causes - one for you and one for the homeless.

Tomorrow night is the World Series of Flip Cup in Baltimore, Maryland. The guy who is running it sent the info to me, and it sounds like something kickballers would be in to. The basics are that you have a team of 6, play best of 7 bracket style flip cup, and the $15 per player registration fee goes to the beer being used for the tournament completely! How cool is that? Get all the info here. There are already 15 teams on board and the organizer anticipates 25!

Secondly, a few friends have sent me links for the Arlington/Alexanria Coalition for the Homeless Kickball Tournament. From their site:
On August 12th, the Arlington-Alexandria Coalition for the Homeless will hold a Kickball Tournament to raise funds for its work with homeless families and women in Arlington County and Alexandria, VA.
We hope you'll join us for this unique opportunity to have a great time for a great cause!

If you can't play and just want to help out they also need people to sit at the tables, organize, and referee too. It's a great chance to get out and have fun AND it helps make you a good person too. All the info is here.

I don't know if I will be at either of these, but they both sound like lots of fun.

Independence Day Observations

2006-07-05T10:33:00.000-04:00

Now that the fireworks, beer, and burgers are all gone, I have had time to think about a few things regarding Independence Day and (what else) kickball and how they are intertwined. I know it sounds ridiculous, but indulge me for a few minutes.

I awoke about about 7am (as always happens when I'm off) and flipped on the CBS Early Show and caught, much to my surprise, a piece about KICKBALL! It started out as a rah-rah everyone is playing it again, WAKA has 50,000 members piece and then, inevitably, focused on the lawsuit. So here again I have to listen to the WAKA spokesdork Tiffany something spout lines like, "We just want to protect the kickball experience". Then when pressed by the interviewer, "But suing the other kickball league?" she responded, "We just want to play kickball". No Tiff, I just want to play kickball. Many others just want to play kickball. WAKA wants to get rid of the competition, that's why the sue.

Then the DC Kickball founder Carter somebody is on the air stating that despite the fact that it's a fun game there is still ALOT of money involved and that's why he's being sued. No "Local Celebrity" shirt, as another blog noted, for this interview. Odd, there's a lot of money involved, but not enough for a $250 bar tab - interesting, but I digress.

So instead of this being a cool story covering a fun thing I do, once again it's about lawsuits and how much money these guys make. Great, just what I wanted to see. Luckily, most kickballers are not up on a non-work day to see this crap that early (probs hungover) so most did not have to be disappointed as I was.

Later, talking to some fellow kickballers (and non-kickballers) at a party I heard that the DC Kickball guy has been accepted to business school and now I am left wondering what will happen. Will DC Kickball shut down? Will it be passed on to someone else? I got to the DC Kickball site when I got home ready to pose these questions and found that Mr. Founder has disabled anyone's ability to post a comment on his blog for the league. Is this his way of dealing with controversy deriving from his "free beer" inappropriate responses? Cut off all debate?

In any case, I hope people who play in the league will find out soon. Maybe this will mean an end to the lawsuit? If so, hopefully other independent leagues will survive, as despite Tiffany's implications, competition will only make the WAKA experience better for those of us who play with them, as it does throughout America.

Hope you all had a great 4th of July!

Wow, are these guys for real?

2006-07-03T13:04:00.000-04:00

Last week's post was linked to the Washington Post Express and this led to many hits, which makes Kickball Homer happy. However, as with anything, this also allows those that are not yet as evolved to get through too. In this case the underdeveloped life form I am talking about is male softballers.

For some unbeknownst reason male softball players have some sort of anti-kickball stance that is part of their makeup. It's as if they think that playing softball somehow makes them real athletes as opposed to kickballers who I guess in their view are not. This of course leads them to denigrate kickballers in ways that have pretty much gone the way of separate water fountains and sitting at the back of the bus everywhere in America, except with these dolts.

Before I get in to some of the "comments" that I received from these creatins last week in regard to the post about how to treat customers, let's review a few facts for the softball Cro-Magnons:

* Last time I checked neither kickballers nor softballers get paid to play their sport.
* Both of these sports are played by kids in elementary schools
* Both sports consist of playing as an excuse to head to a bar and drink
* Unlike kickball, after about the age of 15, softball is mostly played by ladies

I bring these up because some of the comments I received last week would make you think... well I'll let you read:

"KIckball, that's for fags."

"I'd like to meet these people who play kickball, they probably are all old and fat."

"Kickballers are gay, softball is a real sport."

You get the drift.

Of course none of these well thought out, penetrating comments are germane to the blog I had written. Maybe they are just so impassioned about softball that they had to write. But I doubt it. It's more probable that these jerks have serious below the waist size issues or that they know they are playing a sport whose most popular and well known players are ALL female that they have to call kickballers names to make themselves feel better. Well, I have a message for these real men, these studly dudes:

GET OVER YOURSELVES YOU MORONS. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU WANT TO PLAY SOFTBALL, FINE, SAVE YOUR ANONYMOUS HOMOPHOBIC COMMENTS FOR YOUR BUDDIES

In the future, if you want to leave these comments softballers, attach your name, address, and phone number and I'll post it. Better yet, just go burn a cross or whatever it is that people who think like you do for fun.

Is this good business?

2006-06-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

Okay, I hate to do this because it seems like I am picking on one group, but I HAVE to: I'm pissed at DC Kickball leaders!

First, I want to say that we had a great turnout last night, the founder was there (and I actually spoke with him unlike in WAKA where there is never anyone to talk to that matters), and I had a lot of fun. And generally speaking, I LIKE playing in DC Kickball, but...

I paid $50 to play in this league, just as everyone else did. I don't know who the President of my division is any longer because now everyone is just listed as a "Board Member". The last person I saw listed as President I haven't seen at the bar for 3-4 weeks. Thus, when I have a concern I don't know who to raise it with. Some other players in this division that I play in must have the same problem:

As we all know, it rained ALOT this week. As I wrote previously, DC Kickball gave a $250 bar tab to players who play on Mondays (I guess everyone could go, but come on, everyone born in the US and 35 can run for President but that doesn't happen). I wondered why it always seems that only the rained out people get this nice benefit, apparently I was not alone, from DC Kickball Founder's Blog:

The weather has once again thwarted our efforts to play kickball. However, you can still give Mother Nature the finger by coming to Tom Tom and enjoying some beer on DC Kickball we're opening a $250 bar tab for delicious Bud Light. So come help us kill that tab and drink away our kickball and rain sorrows.

Jen said about 17 hours later: will the wednesday night players be getting a tab too? Even if the weather is good and we have to (gasp) actually playI want free beer too!

Carter said 1 day later: I don't think so (not that it's my call anyway). The point of setting up a small tab during rain-outs is to benefit both the players (who missed their game) and the sponsor bar (who is missing business). Given a limited budget, I think this is a generally a good policy, even if it isn't strictly "fair".

jen said 1 day later: that is complete crap. we're the same conference that has paid the same registratioItfees. it's a horrible policy. we should all get it or no one gets it. and how is it benefitting players? they get free didn't and didn't even have to play! i hope it rains tonight so the games are canceled.

Carter said 1 day later: What an asanine argument. Anybody could have come to Tom Tom on Monday for free. It wasn't restricted to people playing that night. This is just a textbook case of someone who is capable of literally complaining about anything. Congratulations, Jen, you've broken the I-can't-believe-they-said-that meter.

WTF?! Okay, let's take this one at a time: This guy is the FOUNDER of the league and it's not his call?! Hi, increase the amount of funds in the budget or just go buy the beers yourself. Everything that happens is his call. I hate to say this but maybe if he spent less time taking two weeks of vacation in Europe on our money he would be able to "make the call". Being a leader is about making the calls.

Next, calling a player's argument asinine and making snide comments about people hardly seems the way to treat your customers Mr. Founder. How about addressing the concern and maybe considering what people are saying as valid rather than trying to one up them on your blog?

Unfortunately this little show of disrespect of women ( I spoke to Jen, she is real and it's not me) seriously makes me rethink rejoining DC Kickball ever. You owe this player an apology DC Kickball guy, and you need to learn how to treat customers and women. I guess in DC Kickball, the customer is right, as long as they agree with the way things are.

Of regionals and rain

2006-06-27T09:29:00.000-04:00

A few things to blog about today for Kickball Homer (yes, I know third personspeak is annoying but if Bob Dole could do it...), the WAKA regionals and what the Hell is up with Mother Nature (MN)? Plus, it looks like the kickball harmony dream is dying.

First, the regionals: Sideshow Bob reports from the regionals that games were held to a very strict 45 minute time limit, which is understandable considering the number of games to be played and the amount of time WAKA probably had the fields for... but. From a WAKA player:

Regionals were...Interesting to say the least. There were some really really good teams there, but the rules were a little rough. They kept a very very strict 45 minutes/game rule so even when there was no game scheduled for a field, they called a lot of them at 4 innings (one of ours at 4.5 innings so we didn't get last ups WTF). They also didn't allow overtime so some teams went home due to a Rock Paper Scissors loss.Of the 15 teams there, 14 were DC area and one was Richmond. I hope they realize this and move it back down to DC next year so teams aren't excluded.

WTF indeed! For those of you unaware, that means they called a game during an inning, meaning the home team did not get last ups! That is insane! Also, enough already with the rock, paper, scissors WAKA - no one wants to play for 5 innings to tie and then have games settled by that - no one. As one WAKA President put it on his message board, WAKA screwed this up EVERY step of the way - and this is the only thing that separates it from the smaller leagues. So much for the world's biggest kickball playoffs, seems like more of the world's biggest kickball goof.

Next, to this damn rain - we get it MN, you are all powerful, now knock it off! My NAKID games got cancelled and yesterday for the SECOND time this season the teams playing in my DC Kickball division got free beer as a bribe to go to the bar, while I get no free beer! This seems very unfair. I understand wanting people to come to the bar, but bribing them, with my money, while I get nothing makes me sad. Yes, I could have gone to the bar last night, but that's not the point. How about giving the bar tab on a night when people WILL be at the bar (as I've mentioned the DCK turnout is usually low enough that $250 would go a long way)? That seems like it would be better. Plus, wtf is with the Tom Tom music? Last week they had some weird techno-something or other crap in there that led everyone to head over to Millie and Al's for $1 beers and jello shots by 9pm. Of course, not that the DCK leadership would know this as no one in charge is ever there on Wednesdays!

Lastly, the WAKA division I was relying on backed out citing "needing a rest and burnout". Hello, this is KICKBALL not test taking. Who needs a rest from kicking a ball for an hour and drinking for 5? More on this later as I think there was some behind the scenes drama regarding this... I will contact a few more WAKA divisions and then give up on them, as I figured they are not coming to the table - maybe they don't want harmony after all. Thanks to the several emails and comments though from readers, I know most of us do so I will keep trying.

Is the world ending?

2006-06-23T12:13:00.000-04:00

I can't believe this may be happening... Yes the calendar read 6/6/6 two weeks ago, but the Kickball Harmony idea may actually happen - a true sign of the apocalypse is upon us!

I would like to first thank the leaders of NAKID, DC Kickball, and District Sports for all getting back to me and agreeing (I believe) to field a team for this and throw a little money on for beer. I couldn't get to the heads of WAKA, but the DC Star President has been very nice and seems like he will really work to get his division to pony up a team. So now I am looking to organize this thing. Here are my thoughts, feel free to add constructive insights:

* Reading the rules for most of the leagues they are generally the same, so that should be no big deal. I figure we take softball rules, make it minimum 4 girls and 4 guys, max 11 in the field and go from there. Maybe three fouls you're out and fouls and strikes count together.

* Either round robin or single elimination - not sure yet and would like input. RR delays drinking, but makes the games more worthwhile.

* We need refs.

* This is NOT a recruiting, league or player bashing, or any other ill feeling type event. This is for fun and to show that, Yes - we can all get along.

* Each league will need to donate at least a keg for post game drinking and a flip cup tournament. Plus one league is donating trophies for bragging rights.

* Free for players/refs/spectators.

* Thinking a Sunday (easier to get a bar) in late July or early August.

* Dress as fun/crazy as you want.

That's what I have for now. August 6 would be good I think. Thoughts from the hordes of readers?

Also, thanks again to all the leagues, I think this Kickball Kavalcade could be great!

I'm a sucker

2006-06-20T11:30:00.000-04:00

It's true, if something cheap I almost feel an obligation to buy it. Thus I have to give NAKID props for suckering me in with their "join more than one chapter for the fall and get a discount" deal. What can I do?

I think many more people in WAKA would join several divisions if they got a discount for joining additional ones. I mean, it would be a kickball dorks DREAM - kickball every night of the week! But alas the $60-65 for each would set me back about $300 and even I think that's too much. Plus, then I would still have to pay for all the parties.

I'm not sure exactly what the discount is but I know when I rejoin I will be playing in at least two for NAKID because of this deal they offer. I guess it makes me a sucker and means it works, but I'm okay with that because I know I will get my money's worth. I hope that the other leagues will think about this and possibly do the same - that would be great.

UPDATE: As for my plan for kickball harmony, I have heard from NAKID (on board) and DC Kickball (not sure yet) and am still working on the other two. If anyone has any connections, please let me know. I think this could be great.

Kickball Harmony Proposal

2006-06-16T11:07:00.000-04:00

I know that all of my kickball leagues are in competition with one another for players, in the courtroom, and for field space but I think I have a fun solution: All of the leagues should have a tournament against each other!

We could have a few teams from each team play, make all of the people in charge be there, and then all go and drink afterward. Of course, people would have to agree on rules, the leagues could put up some scratch for beer - but don't you think that could all be worked out? I believe most of us who play kickball just want to have fun, meet people, and enjoy our time on Earth. I don't know if it would be the best teams, a conglomeration of players from different teams or what but it sounds like a good idea to me.

We can pick some weekend day in between all of the seasons, get WAKA, DC Kickball, NAKID, and District Sports out somewhere and just have fun and then go drinking. Maybe that will solve the problems that the leagues have with one another (and hey maybe they can share some ideas). Then we CAN all just get along.

Am I dreaming or is anybody with me?

Ranting and Raving

2006-06-13T17:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so Kickball Homer's in a bad mood. No life lesson here just a few things I have seen or done over the last week and have to comment on:

- Kickball Homer gets slammed by DC Kickball for saying the bar turnout is weak there. However, I was at the bar last night and it peaked at 67 people! Out of 200, wtf?! How 'bout some leadership to get people to the bar?

- Why the HELL do grown men fly kites? On my NAKID Sundays there is almost always at least one grown man flying a kite. I don't understand this crap. Get out of the way and go do something important, or at least drink beer.

- Kickball Homer still mad that I would have to go to Annapolis and Miami with WAKA team to have any serious playoff games.

- 67 people at the bar last night and the bartender tells me we blew through all of the Bud Light they have on tap for the DC Kickball special price. WTF?! Sounds like they had one keg upstairs for us and the rest downstairs, where they charge full price, for everyone else. I understand this from a business standpoint but that sucks for us.

- What the Hell is with all of the WAKA divisions having End of Seaon parties at My Brother's Place? I mean they are charging us $15 for all we can drink - THAT'S THE NORMAL DEAL ON SATURDAY'S AT MBP?! Where the Hell is the rest of my money going?

- NAKID finally gets good music this week after people harping about it all season - now if they would just fix the bathrooms at the Ugly Mug.

- Last, my team almost had a girl play last night who is not registered with out league. While I appreciate the rule bending to help us win if we had needed her (thankfully we did not) I don't like this. I paid $50 and if the other people can't get enough of their team to show up, some random chick should not be allowed to play for free. They should have to forfeit, that's the rules.

Ok, that's all for now, sorry about the whining but I'm in a bitchy mood today. Anyone else?

PS Again we got linked to the Post Express online. Woohoo!

And then there were 2

2006-06-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

So Kickball Homer proves clairvoyant as the decision by one of my leagues. WAKA. falls flat on it's face. They had 6 regions setup across the country for those "hard core" kickers I guess they thought they could get money from. Now, they had to shut down all but two due to a lack of interest.

I got all of the Kickball Today updates telling my team to "Hurry and register" before time and space ran out. That this would be the "biggest kickball tournament ever" as if we cared about that. As the deadline approached I chortled, knowing they would never fill and knowing too that they would extend it and lower the registration "deposit". The deadline came and went and sho 'nuff I got the email: We've extended it just for you but hurry! And it's half the price! Um, aren't things that are popular usually MORE money after the deadline passes?

So my team again says, "Please it's kickball we joined to drink" and passes. Now we find out that 2/3 of the regionals are shut down. What a shock! Poor WAKA will make only $3,000,000 instead of 4 or so. I ranted against this already so I won't waste time rehashing all of that, but suffice to say that KH knows it's stuff. So, my WAKA season is cut short my damn near a month for a tournament that 2/3 of the people couldn't care less about. GREEAAATTT! Thankfully my other two leagues are here and I can just keep playin'.

PS Congrats to Sideshow Bob for getting in the Washington Post!

Going Pro?

2006-06-06T12:48:00.000-04:00

It's been said before -- and I'll say it here again. Kickball IS NOT just a kid's game. Kids play soccer and football too. Yet no one gawks in amazement at the grown ups playing these games on The Mall. Clearly, kickball hasn't yet gained credibility as a serious sport. You can probably blame a little bit of that to the "I play kickball for beer" mentalilty of just about every player.

Now is the perfect time for the sport of kickball to grow up and get serious.

Let WAKA be that organization that does it. Players of all ages can join WAKA to play serious, competitive kickball. Tournaments, sponsorships, national reach, codified rules -- WAKA already has it all. Players have even started their own power ranking poll. Competitive players are asking for a division of champions or at least offering divisions that are competitive and recreational (lots of kickball leagues around the country already do this.) To quote one player:

... there are a lot of teams out there that like to play and play hard. Instead of having those gung ho teams play in divisions mixed in with teams who are just there to drink, win or lose, they could all be in one division where night in, night out, it's about making a push for regionals/nationals.

WAKA focuses on raising the credibility of the sport of kickball and everyone wins. Serious players don't have to mix with us riff-raff who would drink -- win or loose. And we don't have our fun time ruined by teams who argue every call and could care less about meeting and mingling.

And for the players who just want to play, meet and drink before and after the game and go to work hungover and try to forget about the hookup from the night before, they luckily have other kickball options. There are plenty of people out there who just want to have fun and can do without the high-level of competition. In fact, they are perfectly happy playing just a kid's game.

No Kickball makes Homer Sad

2006-05-31T11:02:00.000-04:00

All of my leagues were off for what seems like forever for Memorial Day weekend. I hope everyone had fun and those of you that have lost loved ones to military service, thank you for you sacrifice.

Not having any kickball on my normal 3-5 days a week left me some free time (and I resume tomorrow), so I thought I'd share this funny yet true email I received:

FEMALE PRAYER:
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind? I pray that this man will love me to no end, and always be my very best friend. Amen.

MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. Amen

ROFL, all comments are welcome. KH will resume my normal kickball related blatherings Friday.

Who is John Galt?

2006-05-26T09:42:00.000-04:00

For those of you that do not know, it's the question in Atlas Shrugged. Not to be immodest, but in kickball circles Who is Kickball Homer? seems to be almost as universally asked.

Actually, almost everyone seems to think they know who I am, they are actually more interested in who Sideshow Bob is. Here's a clue: neither of us are who you think we are. A few posts back I asked why everyone assumes that Kickball Homer (KH) is a guy, apparently everyone does. People have occasionally asked me if I am KH and when I say I am, they don't believe me. Hints have been given in several posts, yet people seem to ignore them. So, who is KH? Let's see:

I like kickball and play in many leagues on many, many teams. I play almost every night of the week. You have probably spoken to, seen me, or talked about me at some point. I haven't been playing that long but am very social. I am not as important as people think I am (in kickball circles). Some people have guessed who I am, most are wrong. Actually, Sideshow Bob is a bigger, more important person than I am. I like puppies, long walks off short piers, and fun.

I'm just a kickballer with a lot of time to write and a lot to say. I have no vendettas, axes to grind, or anything like that. If you disagree, post a comment, if you agree do the same. It's just about addressing things that matter to me in relation to kickball.

Who is KH? Maybe the next person you ask that question to, but probably not...

PS You're welcome to NAKID for the idea for their funny piece this week on What If.. in the newsletter. If you're not on the mailing list, get on it because it was funny (and inspired by KH)

PPS You're welcome and thanks to DC Kickball for posting flip cup rules for it's players. Hopefully they will be followed.

Can we talk?

2006-05-23T09:43:00.000-04:00

Last night some of my buddies from a team I play on were leaving the dead bar scene at our kickball sponsor bar early because nobody really talks to anybody. I mean, nobody on other teams.

One of the worst things that can happen in kickball at the bar is for teams to just stay together the whole night, doesn't this defeat the purpose for playing kickball - namely meeting new people? My friends were saying to me that they joined to meet people, but that everyone stays in their own groups, and this is true in many cases. And it sucks.

Just mingle with other people. In some ways it's too bad that we all wear kickball tees to the bar because if we didn't I think people would be more apt to approach one another. So, just be that person. Float around from table to table, join in on a flip cup game with a team that's not yours, do anything to break the unwritten code of just hanging with your team. I think you'll find a lot of cool people that you otherwise may not have spoken to, and you'll be a trailblazer. Everyone will be better of for it. Who the hell wants to talk to the same people every week anyway?

That's my Public Service Annoucement for this week.

Who are these people?

2006-05-20T11:31:00.000-04:00

It's inevitable no matter what league you play in, what team you're on, even if you know everyone on the team, eventually someone asks: What is wrong with these people? I'm talking of course about the people who register for your team and never show up.

These people can literally ruin a team. With the exception of one of the leagues I have played in, there is a minimum number (usually 4) of each sex that teams have to have on the field in order to avoid a penalty. If they don't show up they can cost your team a forfeit or force you to start down a number of runs and it really sucks. And it's really weird.

Think about this: when we were kids we would rush out to play a team game and hang out with friends and it didn't cost us any money. As adults people spend anywhere from $35-$65 to play kickball and some never even show up. Do people get more selfish, dumber, and less polite as they get older? The answer seems to be that many do. The excuses that these people give are the lamest too. Here are a few I have heard: "flip cup and the game are too competitve", "my internet connection at home is weak", "I had to travel alot", "I didn't realize we played on X day", etc. One girl even said that her mother had cancer! WTF!? I know people here are flaky but this is ridiculous.

If you are one of these people and are reading this, let me just say this: YOU SUCK! I understand if people can't show up every week, but to show up once or never is inexcusable. You people are wastes of kickball space, and I mean that literally. You take up a spot on a roster and then you never come to the field or more importantly the bar and make your team seem less social. Yet, I know that you all will continue to do this and thus you cannot be changed so I appeal here to the leagues I play for to take action.

WAKA and DC Kickball both have hard and fast rules: minimum of 4 guys and 4 girls - if you don't have 'em, you forfeit. If you have three or more forfeits your team is dead to us. This seems harsh to me because many times there are random people that are assigned to these teams who the captains have no contact with, therefore the team is punished for people they don't even know. If the point of kickball is to meet people and have fun, I fail to see how forcing a team that is one girl short to leave the field with a forfeit is helpful. It punishes the forfeiting team AND pisses off the opposing team who had all of its players come out for nothing (sometimes in the rain). And this obviously hurts bar turnout.

NAKID seems to have it a little better. The minimums are higher (5 and 5) but, the penalty for being down players is that your team starts down the number of runs = to the number of players down and you take an out every time that player would come up in the lineup. This sucks (believe me) if you're the team short players, but at least you get to play (and my team actually won one of these) and then you want to go to the bar. Also, after some weeks you can remove these people from your roster and get your friends to join during the season, which is really cool and seems to benefit everyone (the bar, the league, the team). This idea should be incorporated into my other two leagues, it just makes sense.

For those of you who never show up on a team, good riddance. For the leagues I play in, let's do something to not punish the rest of us who do.

Make like a tree - and get outta here!

2006-05-18T16:20:00.000-04:00

Those who play kickball in the DC area usually know why we play and it ain't to be kickball superstars - it's to be FLIP CUP superstars. Sometimes though, I wonder if people know this.

For those that don't know flip cup is a beer drinking game where teams of usually 4-6 line up across a table with cups with beer in them. One player from each team starts and the teams chug, flip the cup upside down, and the next player goes. First team done wins the round and usually the games are best of five or seven. There are several variations to this, but these are the basic rules. The losing team leaves vanquished, heads down, and the victors stay at the table until they lose. At least that's how it's SUPPOSED to go...

The past few nights of playing kickball though I have noticed that one of my leagues in particular is clueless as to flip cup. NAKID and WAKA understand flip cup, it's importance, and how to play. However DC Kickball teams seem to not get flip cup at all. They play 10 v 10 games which take forever and are boring, the losing teams don't actually leave the table (I saw one score that was 20-4 and the losers would NOT relinquish), then another team was whining about playing a team of mixed players. A few notes on flip cup etiquette for the unlearned:

You lose you MOVE, that's it. Unless you are going to continue to buy beer for both teams you have to scram.
Max players on a team should be seven, 10 takes forever!
Games should be quick. No lollygagging between rounds, it makes people get sober.
Split tables up so more games can be played at one time.

These are simple and should be enacted immediately. I don't think anyone (except people willing to pay lots o cash to go to Miami) really plays kickball for the sports glory, so understand that flip cup is the point of playing and help make bar time more fun for everyone. Think of this as a Public Service Announcement from Kickball Homer.

BO is not always bad

2006-05-15T14:18:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday I made the smart decision to participate in the Beer Olympics that my number 1 rated league (NAKID) hosted, and it was a blast!

There were about 9 or 10 teams and by the time we were halfway through the events, the games didn't even matter anymore (of course my group wasn't winning so that's probably why). The events I know were: suckathon, boat race, leap frog flip cup, a relay race, building a pyramid, and something involving drinking two pitchers with a straw!

By the end it seemed like there were 100 people there. The best part though is that it was only $4 to drink for 4 hours and it was ALOT of fun. Plus, a few teams with people from other leagues were there and that was cool too. We had team tee shirts, there were trophies and money for the winners, and most of the people playing got cool NAKID pint glasses to take home.

I can't imagine what the actual cost was, but someone told me we went through more than 4 kegs and I know plenty of people were drunk and that's what this was for (at least as far a I'm concerned). Hopefully we will do this again. By the way, on of the teams was named $10 Hand jobs, which was really funny and another that had white and Asian people was Crackers and Rice - very clever. Check the pics some are really funny.

PS A little friend has told me there are many guesses as to Kickball Homer, why do people always assume blogs are guys??

Miami Nice?

2006-05-12T18:04:00.000-04:00

The 3rd (of 4) rated leagues I play in, WAKA, has decided to change its format for the playoffs this season and it's rather odd. And it all ends in Miami in the summer!

Every single team in WAKA can now play in the regional playoffs - all of them. As long as you slap down an unknown (somewhere between $100 and $500) deposit and register by the end of May. The deposit is to insure that teams will show up, which I guess is good. But if you are worried about teams showing up, why allow just anyone to enter in the first place?

My many kickball years have taught me that the teams that show up, with a good number of people all season, are generally the serious ones and the ones who want to win. Years past in WAKA these teams have been rewarded for showing up and playing well each week by being granted a coveted division champs or wild card spot in the regional playoffs. Now, there is nothing special about getting in, is there?

It's good that all teams in a division or conference or whatever (depending on which league you play in) makes the playoffs within their sphere of influence. This keeps everyone coming out to the games and bar and socializing, but it really makes no sense to do it on a national level. Why not just do away with seasons altogether and have a whole two or three months of just teams barnstorming and playing each other? The season's seem useless (like the NHL and NBA) now. I know if my team wins the division and gets beaten by some 0-7 team that decided to be in the Regionals I'll be less than happy. It's no longer a reward for accomplishment to me if anyone can get in.

Then, to make matters worse, the championship rounds are in Miami in JULY! WTF?! I understand wanting to promote a growing kickball area, but the base of operations and something like 45 of 80 divisions are in the DC area, why move all of these teams to Florida? And who can pay for this? I don't begrudge WAKA making money, but making players pay what would be an easy $200-700 to play for the President's Cup is a bit too much (even for a kickball dork). I'm sure there is some money involved for WAKA which is why this move was made, but can the teams get a little help? How about a stipend for at least the division champs out of the $60-65 dues we pay so the team can go to Miami to play? I wouldn't hold my breath for that.

I know the argument from Miami 'ballers about them having to come here, but this is where it all started and where most of the teams are. Anyway, I think a better strategy would be to just have state or regional champs anyway, it's not like being the "World Kickball Champions" means anything really (although this is trademarked by WAKA). I brought this up to another WAKA player who retorted that while that's true, the MLB champs are not really the world champs either but they are called that and move around for their championship game. Okay, if I can get paid $1-2,000,000 a year to play kickball, I'll head to Miami without whining. Until then, this stinks.

Luckily, the other leagues are here for all of their games, so I guess I'll have to settle for that. Just don't follow WAKA's lead on this guys, PLEASE!

I'm out...

PS Thanks to BOTH NAKID and DC Kickball for the links on your sites.

Kickball - is it just a game?

2006-05-10T22:41:00.000-04:00

People always say that kickball is just a kid's game, but really it isn't. Kids don't drink beer (unless they are Kennedys), kids don't stay out until 11pm or 1am on a school night (unless the Bush twins in high school), and kids can't afford it. So let's get that out of the way right now. Having said that, kickball isn't the end all be all of existence either.

I'm a kickball dork, that's true. But I don't die a little and yell and scream if my team loses. Don't get me wrong I am very competitive and hate losing, but I also want to make friends and meet people. It seems like a lot of people that play kickball forget this. It's not limited to one league or one of the sexes either. I played in a couple of games this week that exemplified both ends of this spectrum.

One of my teams was playing and winning and we had reached a time limit and the game should have ended with us winning. The team we played berated the ref until he relented and kept us playing (and away from the bar longer!) and we eventually lost. Still, the whining team was angry and kept acting like assholes. I guess they needed to win by more to feel like real men and women.

Conversely, one of my other teams played a team of perennial losers. The game was not great (we crushed 'em) but everyone had FUN. Everyone was cheering on either side, people were being competitive but still understanding the nature of the game is FUN. No yelling, no arguing, and no whining. The way it should be.

Finally, another team welcomed me as a first timer on the team with open arms at the bar, offering me beer and introducing me to everyone on the team and I really felt like I was part of the fam. I haven't played with them yet but can't wait to based on the greeting I received.

I guess the bottom line here is that if you are one of these people that yells and screams or thinks using "I'm just competitive" as an excuse for knocking people down or being an ass - get over yourself, it's KICKBALL! We all want to win at whatever we do, but that's no excuse to treat people poorly. Kickball's not just a game, but it certainly shouldn't be the basis of your self-worth either.

PS The hotness and making out is fairly consistent throughout the leagues (guys and girls).

PPS Just as an FYI there are a lot more than 200 people in NAKID, and running a league with more people is CHEAPER per person than running a league with fewer people. Basic economics - buying in bulk is cheaper.

PPPS DC Kickball's mid and post season parties charge a cover, ergo not free.

I'm out...

UPDATE: So as to prove my point, a recap from one of my leagues in it's GMOT:
"eager for a bitch slap, the Trombones resorted to trash talking and name calling in lieu of presenting any physical skill. To quote the SL pitcher: "Rusty Trombones were the most disrespectful bunch of individuals that I have encountered on the kickball field." TouchÃ© On a routine bases empty double, the lead buffoon of the Trombone squad attempted to brutally tag-out the soul and pride of Sack Lunch, and in turn he learned a valuable lesson: You F&*K with any one of us, you get your asses served to you."

Wow sure makes me want to meet those people!

Welcome

2006-05-09T13:24:00.001-04:00

I decided to start posting to spread the word about one of my hobbies - kickball in DC. I have played for quite a while now and have been in several leagues and see myself as somewhat of an expert on the topic. I have played with WAKA, DC Kickball, District Sports, and NAKID and so have a good view of all of the major ones in the area. To start out, I might as well rank 'em all, worst to first:

4. District Sports (www.playgroundkickball.net) - I played indoor kickball with them and it was HORRIBLE! They hire refs who will change calls if you argue enough and don't keep proper score. The bars were awful, hosting poetry nights and such and thus there was almost NO FLIP CUP and no socializing. These guys didn't seem to know why people play flip cup.

3. WAKA (www.kickball.com) - The Wal-Mart of kickball. One person I know described them as a tee shirt and equipment distributor. $60-65 for registration and you have to pay for everyone one of the "free" parties. And they make people who are customers do all of the work and they reap the benefits. Nice work if you can get it (for the owners of the biz) but pretty crappy for the people who volunteer and then get treated like crap. And now they are moving their finals to Miami?! What the hell?

2. DC Kickball (www.dckickball.org) - Founded by a disgruntled WAKA guy who was all "We are only for the love of kickball" and now is WAKA Jr. They are exactly the same setup as WAKA with volunteers, etc but get the nod because they are $10 cheaper. The bar turnout is weak and it just seems not that good. Reports are that one of the divisions heads to a WAKA bar by 9:30.

1. NAKID (www.playnakid.com) - So far these are my faves. They are new, so that probably helps. Only $42 if you joined early and just $30 or something if you played with WAKA or DC Kickball and have a team. Their party (this past Saturday) actually was FREE (not pay a cover free) and it was cool. Whole bar to themselves, lots of people, and a great dj. Plus the specials on Sundays are $2 pints! They have a nice website, you don't have to do anything but show up, play, and drink, and they even have a board with the standings at the bar. So far so good.

Please feel free to share your thoughts, agreements, disagreements, etc. I will be updating a few times a week. Thanks for reading.

UPDATE: Thanks to DCKickball for including the blog on your site.